Here is a question for you: "Which biblical character do you think you are most like?"
I am most like Jacob. My husband Mike has teased me for years that the reason God gave me a limp at birth was because He knew I would wrestle with Him about everything! It is true. I do wrestle with God. Like Jacob, I also obey but only after I am sure that God will bless me. God is convicting me of that more and more. I have an over-active good girl gland (not like Jacob) so that in the end I will always obey. But my obedience comes from it is the right thing to obey God rather than from pure faith and trust. I wrestle with saying "No," or "Are you sure God," even doubting sometimes that it is even Him speaking to me. I even wrestled so much one time that I asked Him to say it out loud, and He did! He used the words and mouth of a perfect stranger to say words the person could not have possibly known. Needless to say, I obeyed quickly that time and with the most faith I have ever had. I left my home and family to do mission work for 2 years 3,000 miles away, with my only contact a name and decription: a black haired woman with a blond haired little boy about 8 years old! It was a great experience!
What I am learning now is that being a Jacob and wrestling with God is not true faith. Jacob had to be convienced and blessed before he would obey and go meet his brother Esau. But that was not faith. To be convinced of the outcome before obeying is not faith! Faith is obeying regardless of the outcome! It is trusting God with the outcome. I so want it to turn out right. I want things to go God's way. I want it to reflect well on me too. (PRIDE!) But the truth is I'm not in charge of the outcome. The outcome is God's problem/responsibility. If it turns out great and He is glorified, it is by His hand and glory not mine. On the other hand if it turns out badly (in my eyes) it is also for and by His Glory. He gets glory either way because the results are up to Him! Like the prophets of old, I may never see the glorious results in my lifetime. But like these dear prophets, my faith should be that even though I don't see it, I know God will complete it!
So dear friends pray for me as I slip off the garments of Jacob and try on the garments of faith like Mary and say "May it be just as You have said."