I want you to pray for me. In fact I need to pray about this right now:
Lord I am a little scared about sharing this story. I'm excited about what You are going to do and I am amazed at what You have already done in and through this story. Please prepare hearts to read it. Prepare my mind and my fingers to tell it, and most of all, let it only be as if You were the one sitting down to tell it. In other words, I only want it to be what You want to share and what You want to be understood. May every reader understand that all glory goes to You and may they know You more by the telling of it. I know I sure do!
To my sister Amy: I'm sorry Hon for not being able to tell you in person first. I feel God saying it is time. So my dear sister and friends here is what I wanted to tell you.
I sat in the counselor's office shaking and fidgeting. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. I was to continue forgiving people on my forgiveness list and I had done the hard ones last week. My heart was pounding and my foot was bouncing on the floor. We said a prayer to begin and I started through my list. On our list we had been instructed to write out the person's name in one column, the offense in the next column and how it made me feel in the last column. I had done that to all the names but one. It was the one I was coming to today. I rationalized that I had forgiven him many years ago, so I didn't really need to go into detail. Yet, I knew that the Spirit was compelling me to put down his name...and I had.
When his name came up, it was like a switch went on in side of me and I was transported back to that horrible day. I may not have been able to write it down but sitting there in that office, I could not stop the words or emotions that suddenly cascaded out of my mouth and heart.
Today as I sit here and write this, the details are not what is important....it is the feelings and the lies that I believed that are what changed me. The healing is also what God wants you to know.
We sat on his couch, laughing and talking about the all-night prayer retreat that had just ended. It had went wonderful and we had seen some lives change and people encouraged. God had moved and we had basked in His presence. I was tired and decided to lay in the floor. Preacher Boy (because I don't want to use his name) got down beside me and started massaging my shoulders. This was my best friend. I loved him.
OK, I have written this then deleted it 6 times. Help me Lord....
Bottom line...I was sexually assaulted by someone I was dating...my best friend. I was not raped...but what did happen was against my will and was assault. I believe looking back that had it not been for God's grace I would have been raped that day.
I shared this event it detail to my counselor and Mike. I shared it with all the emotion of when it happened. Both Mike and my counselor were in shock. I had shared this event with Mike once before we were married, but not like what came out that day...not the details or the emotions.
Inside of me I knew something had just broke open and I was never going to be the same....at that time I really didn't have a clue as to just how different it was going to be.
We spent the rest of the time talking about this event, then the counselor led me through the prayer of forgiveness one more time and it was done. The chains had been cut, now all that was left was the healing.
The healing I will share in detail....tomorrow.
My prayer is that you will read and see how much the enemy will lie to us and how God lifts us up to freedom through HIS TRUTH.
It was not what happened that harmed me....it was in the almost that I was crushed damaged and abused by my spiritual enemy.
Come back tomorrow and see what GOD DID FOR ME! WHAT HE IS AND WANTS TO DO FOR YOU!