I am back with the final chapter of the "Almost Story."
I lay there on his floor, scared and crying. I was too paralyzed to move and yet too scared not too. I didn't know what to do. Couldn't even fathom what had just happened. The person I trusted the most had just become my attacker...my enemy.
I could hear him in the other room. He was screaming....begging God not to strike him dead. His cries disgusted me. On one hand, I wished God would strike him dead and yet on the other I already knew that God loved him.
I prayed and cried. Then I got up, surprised that I could stand. I walked into the room where he was still screaming. I tapped him on the back and said, "God is not going to strike you dead! You hurt me. I forgive you, but you need help! You are going to call a counselor right now and set up an appointment or you are going to jail!" He knew I meant it. He called the counselor. He went...but I do not know if he ever confessed the truth or not.
We stayed together for two more months and stayed best friends for two more years. This is where the enemy sent his worst lie yet. Because I did not do what I had always believed I would do in a case like this, I began to believe myself to be weak and worthless. Not deserving any better.
You see I had been raised in a strong family. Where both the men and women took care of their own. The legends in our family had been of women who took no crap and were just as tough or tougher than the men. Like my Great-Aunt Hallie Mae, who married at 16 years old. They had to live with her in-laws starting off. Her father-in-law was bad to drink and then beat up on his family. He came home one night drunk and started beating on Aunt Hallie's husband. She picked up a butcher knife in one hand and then slammed her father-in-law against a wall with the other. With the butcher knife at his throat, she warned him that if he ever came home drunk around her again, she would kill him. He never came home drunk again...in fact gave up drinking all together and got his life right with the Lord. Not exactly what we should do today...but you get the picture.
Yet, I had not only not fought back enough, I had forgiven and stayed with this man. I was ashamed of my own actions. I did not want my family to know that I was that weak. This was a lie! The biggest lie in my "Almost." It was not weakness that had me stand and go to this man that day. It was not weakness that said the words, "I forgive you." It wasn't weakness that forgave him again 12 years later when he asked for it anew. It isn't weakness that has finished the forgiving and healing now. We forgive what we know to forgive and as God reveals more we forgive those also. That is strength! God's strength! My family confirmed this after I told them a few weeks ago. They think I'm strong! I know its God!
Our enemy loves the "Almost" events in our lives. Here is where he can lie the most and with the biggest whoppers! When the worst happens. We deal with it much better than when the "Almosts" happens. Maybe because it already is the worst, not something that could have or should have happened...it already did happen! So the enemy lies to us in our "Almost" by distorting the facts and twisting the truth. By leading us to feel shame instead of peace and weakness instead of strength. Do you know why he loves the "Almost?" Because he is the King of the "Almosts!" The angel who was "almost" like God. He distorted the truth in the "almost" then and he distorts it our "almost" now. The Truth is that he will never be an "almost" at anything. He is nothing.
God healed me of my "Almost" and continues to strengthen me in His Truth.
Ask God if you have been lied to about an "Almost" in your life. Ask him to help you forgive. Ask Him where He was and what was He saying to you? Then trust His perspective, His truth. Because God is truth and with Him there is never an "Almost" about anything!
Thanks so much for allowing me to share this with you. I know it was heavier and more serious in nature than you are used to reading here. I thank you for reading, praying and encouraging me. You are all a blessing. I love you.