It is Halloween.
Many people love to dress up in scary costumes. Why is it that we like to be scared?
Haunted Houses
Horror Movies
Roller Coasters
Dangerous Sports
These activities are designed for the fear or thrill. They entertain us. They make us scream and in many ways, once they are over, we even feel more alive.
However, the things that terrify us will never entertain us. I am terrified of a lot of things!
Some of the usual things, such as spiders, snakes, fire, things that go bump in the night, and for me a biggie is chickens!
Yes, I said chickens! I love to eat them. I'm just afraid of them while they are alive.
I was attacked by a mean rooster when I was fourteen. He ripped my jeans and tried flogging me in my face. I fought hard but was loosing the battle like the Redcoats on Kings Mountain. Then my mom suddenly appeared and hit that old rooster with a mop. My dad caught him and 3 weeks latter we enjoyed about 10 pounds of chicken salad.
But my biggest fear is what I am doing tonight...on this scary Halloween night...writing this blog.
Yes, writing scares the patooties out of me.
There are a ton of reasons. All of them are wrapped up in "What Ifs?" What if I can't express myself correctly? What if no one reads it? What if they do and expect lots more? What if I'm boring? What if....What if....What if....? The Goliath of these "What If Giants" is what if... I give up again....quit again...hide again?
So, I can sit here in my fear or be brave and face those "What If Giants," including my Goliath.
I am going to throw a stone at my giant Goliath. The stone of forgiveness. I am going to forgive myself. I forgive myself for quiting, for leaving you readers, and for disobeying GOD.
I know HE has forgiven me...it is time for me to forgive me too.
By throwing that stone, I am able to sit here tonight and finish this post without fear. It doesn't matter if you read it. It doesn't matter if you like it....I hope you do...but honestly it doesn't matter. Tonight, it doesn't matter if my grammar is correct, or if I am communicating beautifully. What matters is that I obey GOD and write. I'm throwing the stone and leaving the results up to HIM. Because it is for HIM, by HIM, and through HIM that I can even breathe and be FEARLESS and write.
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the LORD, and HE answered me and delivered me from all my fears."
Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Coming Out Of The Wilderness
Last post was in 2011!
It has been a long 5 plus years! My years of wilderness training. Much like the children of Israel when they faced the promise land the first time, I too saw too many giants to my ministry and ran away.
I have learned some hard lessons in the wilderness. Lessons about faith, being vulnerable....grunt and shiver, lessons about grace, and trust.
A lot has changed. My daughter Zoie is now a senior in high school and planning for college. Mike is a VA Chaplain and a chaplain in the Army reserves. We are living in Ohio....very different from SC...but we love it!!!!
But most of all I've changed.
In this new adventure with this old blog....I'd like to share with you not only lessons from the wilderness but also the real me. Not the blogger me. Not the minister's wife me. Not the scared to let you see my mess me. It is through those weak and messy times I have come to understand that JESUS loves to shine in and through us. So truthfully, in hearing my stories, and seeing my messes, you will see HIS perfection, HIS grace. I want you to know that if HE can love this messed up girl who desperately wants to walk in pretty shoes, then HE loves you too!
The giants are still in the promised land. I am trusting GOD to help me select the stones and like my hero David, trust HIM to deliver the blows.
Pray for me as I write here. Pray as I share my story....HIS story.
I will commit to come here, I'll bring my coffee, my Bible, my sense of humor, my faith, and my fears....but most of all I'll bring my obedience...to my true love...JESUS
It has been a long 5 plus years! My years of wilderness training. Much like the children of Israel when they faced the promise land the first time, I too saw too many giants to my ministry and ran away.
I have learned some hard lessons in the wilderness. Lessons about faith, being vulnerable....grunt and shiver, lessons about grace, and trust.
A lot has changed. My daughter Zoie is now a senior in high school and planning for college. Mike is a VA Chaplain and a chaplain in the Army reserves. We are living in Ohio....very different from SC...but we love it!!!!
But most of all I've changed.
In this new adventure with this old blog....I'd like to share with you not only lessons from the wilderness but also the real me. Not the blogger me. Not the minister's wife me. Not the scared to let you see my mess me. It is through those weak and messy times I have come to understand that JESUS loves to shine in and through us. So truthfully, in hearing my stories, and seeing my messes, you will see HIS perfection, HIS grace. I want you to know that if HE can love this messed up girl who desperately wants to walk in pretty shoes, then HE loves you too!
The giants are still in the promised land. I am trusting GOD to help me select the stones and like my hero David, trust HIM to deliver the blows.
Pray for me as I write here. Pray as I share my story....HIS story.
I will commit to come here, I'll bring my coffee, my Bible, my sense of humor, my faith, and my fears....but most of all I'll bring my obedience...to my true love...JESUS
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Shaken Not Stirred
I am being shaken like a morocco in a mariachi band! The good thing is that even though it does not feel good...it is for my good.
I have had a lot of shaking events this year, that have left me searching, exhausted, and even wounded. Here are some of the highlights:
My husband had 3 kidney stone procedures during February and March which left us with huge medical bills.
I lost my job.
Then on our Army Chaplain Conference/vacation, I fell...while running with Zoie...and broke my shoulder in 3 count them 3 places....a minimum of 13 weeks healing time then physical therapy and or possible surgery.
These things, compiled on top of each other, left me feeling both helpless and hopeless. I cried out to God and lamented much like King David in the Psalms or the prophets of old. "How long, O LORD!" or in the Hebrew " "Admathay Adonay!" (pronounced Ad-ma-tye A-do-nie!) It is said as a wail or shouting cry from the heart.
One night, I sat here in my office wailing to God...because of the pain in my shoulder, the pain of worrying over our finances, the pain of losing the job I so dearly loved, but mostly the pain of feeling helpless and alone. You can't help but feel helpless when you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself!
GOD took me to Hebrews 12...Yeah, the God loves those HE disciplines chapter. I did not feel that GOD was telling me all these things were punishment...that is not the GOD I know and love. I do believe HE was letting me know that there are some things in my life that needs to go....not as punishment but as cleansing, healing, and for my training as HIS child.
As I read these words, instead of feeling condemed, or punished, I felt an overwhelming since of GOD'S love for me. This time of "helplessness" would only be for a moment but the righteousness it produceses will last for eternity! Hebrews 12:25-28 says (in my own paraphrase) to heed GOD'S words carefully as HE shakes me until all that is left is what cannot be shaken.
I bowed in awe and expectation, absorbing and drowning in the love I suddenly felt. HE loves me enough to shake me until all that is left...is what can never be shaken!
Thank YOU GOD! Shake on! I am surrendering to being a morocco in the hands of THE GREATEST PERCUSSIONEST and even though it hurts...the music is becoming more beautiful everyday!
I have had a lot of shaking events this year, that have left me searching, exhausted, and even wounded. Here are some of the highlights:
My husband had 3 kidney stone procedures during February and March which left us with huge medical bills.
I lost my job.
Then on our Army Chaplain Conference/vacation, I fell...while running with Zoie...and broke my shoulder in 3 count them 3 places....a minimum of 13 weeks healing time then physical therapy and or possible surgery.
These things, compiled on top of each other, left me feeling both helpless and hopeless. I cried out to God and lamented much like King David in the Psalms or the prophets of old. "How long, O LORD!" or in the Hebrew " "Admathay Adonay!" (pronounced Ad-ma-tye A-do-nie!) It is said as a wail or shouting cry from the heart.
One night, I sat here in my office wailing to God...because of the pain in my shoulder, the pain of worrying over our finances, the pain of losing the job I so dearly loved, but mostly the pain of feeling helpless and alone. You can't help but feel helpless when you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself!
GOD took me to Hebrews 12...Yeah, the God loves those HE disciplines chapter. I did not feel that GOD was telling me all these things were punishment...that is not the GOD I know and love. I do believe HE was letting me know that there are some things in my life that needs to go....not as punishment but as cleansing, healing, and for my training as HIS child.
As I read these words, instead of feeling condemed, or punished, I felt an overwhelming since of GOD'S love for me. This time of "helplessness" would only be for a moment but the righteousness it produceses will last for eternity! Hebrews 12:25-28 says (in my own paraphrase) to heed GOD'S words carefully as HE shakes me until all that is left is what cannot be shaken.
I bowed in awe and expectation, absorbing and drowning in the love I suddenly felt. HE loves me enough to shake me until all that is left...is what can never be shaken!
Thank YOU GOD! Shake on! I am surrendering to being a morocco in the hands of THE GREATEST PERCUSSIONEST and even though it hurts...the music is becoming more beautiful everyday!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Battle Between Two Kingdoms
The battle lines are drawn. The two kingdoms are set to fight. The only question left is who will win in the end. Will the Kingdom of Icandoit or the Kingdom of Idon’twantto reign supreme. Both of these kingdoms are powerful with many influences throughout the area. Both kingdoms want full control and there can be no area of compromise. These two kingdoms cannot coexist in the same place. One will reign, the other will be banished. They may have to fight again another day but each time the winner will take all. Who will win? The ground they are fighting for is control of our own wills. We alone can decide the winner. Will you live in the kingdom of I-can-do-it or be ruled by the I-don’t-want-to’s? The battle is won by a simple decision, yet the tactics of the army’s in both camps can be strong.
Let’s start with the army of the Idon’twantto’s. Some of the weapons used are that of complacency, apathy, laziness, insecurity and fear. These weapons are powerful and will cause us to not trust our King or do our best. These weapons hinder us from meeting our goals and expectations. They cause us to doubt our abilities which leads to not trying and giving up. Ultimately the goal of the reign of the Idon’twanto’s is to stop us from succeeding and accomplishing the plan God has for each of us in His Ultimate and Eternal Kingdom.
There are also strong weapons in the Kingdom of Icandoit. In this kingdom the weapons of choice are determination, adaptability, focus, perseverance, patience, and one that at first seems unusual…
loss-of-control.
This last weapon is the most powerful and most successful in our being able to succeed the goals God has planned for us. But loss-of-control when turned over to God is the atomic power of this battle. It secures victory and becomes the strongest shield against any weapon thrown our way.
This battle is not won by hand-to-hand combat, but a simple decision. Who will you believe? Will you choose to live with the Idon’twantto’s or the I candoit’s? One last bit of information before you decide; The kingdom of the Idon’twantto’s will bring about self-doubt, discouragement and failure. While, the kingdom of the Icandoit’s will bring you confidence, success and peace.
Today you must choose. Will you say “I don’t want to” or will you shout in victory “I can do it!” Have faith and believe God’s word as it says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13. Because there is a secret about the kingdom of Icandoit…it’s true name is the kingdom of
God-can-do-it.
I wrote this for our school newsletter last year. I am struggling today and have been residing in the Kingdom of Idon'twanto! God lead me to this article and I it encouraged me so much, I had to share it with you.
I am going to go abide now in the Kingdom of Icandoit. I plan on swimming in the pool of faith and resting in the palm of my King Adonai's Hand!
Love Ya!
Pamela
Let’s start with the army of the Idon’twantto’s. Some of the weapons used are that of complacency, apathy, laziness, insecurity and fear. These weapons are powerful and will cause us to not trust our King or do our best. These weapons hinder us from meeting our goals and expectations. They cause us to doubt our abilities which leads to not trying and giving up. Ultimately the goal of the reign of the Idon’twanto’s is to stop us from succeeding and accomplishing the plan God has for each of us in His Ultimate and Eternal Kingdom.
There are also strong weapons in the Kingdom of Icandoit. In this kingdom the weapons of choice are determination, adaptability, focus, perseverance, patience, and one that at first seems unusual…
loss-of-control.
This last weapon is the most powerful and most successful in our being able to succeed the goals God has planned for us. But loss-of-control when turned over to God is the atomic power of this battle. It secures victory and becomes the strongest shield against any weapon thrown our way.
This battle is not won by hand-to-hand combat, but a simple decision. Who will you believe? Will you choose to live with the Idon’twantto’s or the I candoit’s? One last bit of information before you decide; The kingdom of the Idon’twantto’s will bring about self-doubt, discouragement and failure. While, the kingdom of the Icandoit’s will bring you confidence, success and peace.
Today you must choose. Will you say “I don’t want to” or will you shout in victory “I can do it!” Have faith and believe God’s word as it says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13. Because there is a secret about the kingdom of Icandoit…it’s true name is the kingdom of
God-can-do-it.
I wrote this for our school newsletter last year. I am struggling today and have been residing in the Kingdom of Idon'twanto! God lead me to this article and I it encouraged me so much, I had to share it with you.
I am going to go abide now in the Kingdom of Icandoit. I plan on swimming in the pool of faith and resting in the palm of my King Adonai's Hand!
Love Ya!
Pamela
Friday, April 8, 2011
This is a Test
This is a test.
It is only a test.
My blog has been doing something Weird
So I am testing something out.
Pamela
It is only a test.
My blog has been doing something Weird
So I am testing something out.
Pamela
New....Do!
Hi Y'all, What do you think about my new blog look? My friend Amy McNeil helped me. She is awesome! She is an excellent blogger and a beautiful example of a God lead mother, wife and friend! Thank you Amy! Now to more new...do's: New do's are happening over here at our house. New hair-do....I'm letting it go curly...post a picture soon. New husband...not really...he is a new Army Chaplain now! Finally! New mom/daughter relationship...had to adjust...middle-schoolers are a lot more difficult! New church...love this one! More on this one soon! God has totally blessed us! New attitudes....Thank you Lord! I was struggling there for a while, now I'm new too! What is your new do? Pamela Oh! If you want to connect with Amy you can find her here http://www.mcneilmenage.blogspot.com
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Six Word Story
Hi Y'all, She Reads has a scholarship for the She Speaks Conference going that is really interesting. I thought I might give it a try. So here is my six word story. To enter yourself go here http://www.shereads.org/2011/04/she-speaks-scholarship-contest/ Flag, coffin, her husband bequeathed freedom. She Speaks is a conference for women who want to serve women for God's kingdom. It is an amazing conference and you can read a little about my own experiences there in the post below. If you want to know more go herehttp://www.shespeaks.com/ I am going this year even if I don't win a scholarship. We don't have the money at the moment but I know that God will provide. I've already registered. Because faith is believing even in the unseen. Prayer request: Mike has gone to his 1st reserve drill. He began Chaplain duties today. I am so proud. Please pray that he will be a blessing and minister to these fine men and women who serve our country and may someday have to bequeath freedom. Love you all Pamela
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