First let me tell you some exciting news. Mike got his denominational endorsement to become an Army Chaplain! We still have a couple of hoops to go through for the Army but this is a major hurdle. Keep praying for him as he finishes navigating his way through the process. We are still praying for him to be able to come before the Army boards in August.
God has been doing a lot of cleaning and healing in my life personally for the last 5 months. In February Mike and I started seeing a councilor. We initially went because when we were looking at the church planting field, we were advised to seek some counseling because of some past church/hurt experiences.
One of the first tasks we were assigned was to take an attitude test. As I sat with the councilor to hear the results, he solemnly looked at me and said, "Your hostility is off my chart." I was shocked. But down deep I knew it to be true. I had felt angry for a long time. There were many times that I found myself gritting my teeth over nothing. I have never hurt anyone or anything....not even myself. That is not how I display anger. I apparently had chosen some good outlets in which to release my anger...such as prayer, creativity and cooking (which might explain my weight a little more.) Yet there were still some not so good outlets...such as yelling at bad drivers that I had also adopted.. Not enough to be classified as road rage...the other drivers never knew I was yelling at them. But it bothered Zoie...a lot. I had tried controlling it, but without healing of the whole underlying anger, it was not very controlled.
Through the counseling, God revealed a hurt from my past. One I still can't share yet because I haven't been able to tell my sister...and she needs to know before the blogging world does.
God healed this hurt through a prayer that the councilor used, that I will share with you later also. It was one of the most powerful and spiritual experiences I have ever been through.
The best part is with the forgiveness of the person that hurt me and the healing from the spiritual lies that accompanied this hurt....I have stopped feeling angry all the time.
Zoie and I were returning home from her piano lesson this past Monday. A car pulled out in front of me and I had to slam on my brakes...I am amazed that I did not hit him. As we puttered along after him down the road I realized something, I had not yelled. In fact, not a single angry thought had come into my head. Fear of hitting him had, concern for him had, but not anger. I had not felt anger.
Now breaking old habits are hard and don't usually just disappear. This morning I left the house stressed over our finances and yelled at two people. But it hit me that I wasn't angry at them I was stressed about our finances. So I asked Zoie to pray that when I get stressed I will remember to not take that stress out on other drivers. She said, "I will pray and I will remind you. (Big Pause) But you can't get mad at me for reminding you."
We came up with a plan. If she notices that I am starting to take out my stress on other drivers she is going to ask me a question, "Pickle juice is hard to swallow isn't it?" This will be a funny way to remind me...without the words stress or anger being a part of the thought.
Pray for us both as we try this new technique.
Because: Pickle juices is hard to swallow!
Love Y'all dearly!!