Friday, January 30, 2009

Hold That Fish!

Hello Sweet Friends,
I'm sorry I did not get to blog yesterday it was one of those days that filled up quicker than I thought it would.

I need to get a little bit more organized in my thinking and duties. I let my husband down yesterday too. He had asked me to take something to school with me to fax. I forgot...really forgot...didn't even think of it again until he asked me about it this morning. I hated that look of frustration and disappointment on his face.

I need to start keeping my "Said" more by doing what I "said" I was going to do.

Today, I will not blog about Peter as I "Said," because God has laid this at my feet and wants to deal with it today.

I only have a few minutes before I have to go have my nerves deadened again in my back. This will put me out for the rest of the day and part of tomorrow. Please pray it works.

So often we casually or hafe-heartily say we will do something and then never follow through. Was I listening intently yesterday when Mike asked me to fax this stuff or did I give him what I call, a "Momma uh-huh." That uh-huh we give our kids when we are not really listening.

Mike and I have been through so much lately that there is just no excuse for my not listening. I need to be listening to him. He is hurting...we are hurting together.
He already has more of the burden to carry than I do. But truth is...I'm still thinking of myself. Pray that I will think of him too. Wallowing in self-pity is a poor excuse for any uncaring act.

I'm not a pig

I'm a Princess

A princess must take care of her duties, must care more for those she serves than for herself.

I love my prince.

I love my King more.

So, I ask for your prayers and your forgiveness for not keeping my "Saids" with you too.

I love you

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Parable of the Lost Love

Hi Dear Freinds,
Your prayers and encouragement continue to help us through this time of change and uncertainty.

I hope I can soon explain. But alas, there are issues that involve other people, people I would not want to see hurt. So until God gets through with this clean-up, I have to ask you to keep praying.

I do have an amazing story to tell you. Even when our world has been shaken to the core, God can show up in the most astounding ways.

Yesterday as I lunched at home, I noticed that one of the small side diamonds from my wedding ring was missing. I immediately dropped to the floor and started searching. Finding this small diamond became the most important thing in my day. I went over every inch of our carpet on my hands and knees. I shined a flashlight and slowly rubbed my hand across every fiber of that carpet. Mind you, I did not know where or exactly when I had lost the diamond. I was a woman obsessed.

With all we have been through lately, it seems the only earthly thing stable and secure was my marriage. Crazy as it seems this missing diamond represented an attack on that security. I prayed, I searched the carpet twice....this was not good for my back condition, but as it was, nothing else mattered. I kept imagining the woman in the parable of the lost coin and I emphasized with her plight in a whole new way.

Not only could we not afford to replace this small diamond but, nothing could replace what it represents. Finally I had to stop and go back to school. On the way I called my mom. She is a super prayer warrior. She prayed with me. She cried with me. She understood. I completed my duties and Zoie and I went home. She too got down on her knees and we again searched the carpet inch by inch. When Mike came home, he helped us search. Still no diamond.

I go to a Bible study on Tuesday nights and I did not want to go. I wanted to search more. Mike encouraged me to go and I reluctantly went. I am so glad I did! God spoke to my heart in a remarkable way through the story of Peter and the boatload of fish. To save time I will report on that tomorrow.

After the bible study I called home, hoping Mike had found the diamond. No luck, in fact he hadn't even looked! Hearing the disappointment in my voice, he did tell me that Zoie had decided to fast and pray through supper for God to return my diamond. This sweet gesture touched my heart so much. I knew I needed to stop worrying. So I asked God to show me the diamond if He wanted me to find it, but if not then give me the peace to accept my ring without it. I told her she could eat a late supper with me when I got home. She and I shared a small meal and then began to get ready for bed. As I walked into the living room from Zoie's bedroom, Mike turned to look at me. His eyes were on the floor and he stopped and shouted, "There it is! I don't believe it!" Scooping up in his hand the small diamond from off the carpet we had so diligently searched for, 4 times before! He said it had glittered at him just as his head turned. I grabbed the diamond tight between my fingers and jumped up and down, shouting praises and thank yous to God!

Y'all we had church!

God is so good! I still don't know where I originally lost the diamond. I know it was not laying anywhere on top of the carpet. The reflection of light Mike saw, could not have been from the light in the living room. It is one of my only complaints about our living room...not enough light! God just gave it back. It, along with the ring are now at the jeweler's to be repaired.

Such hope has come out of this. If God can put a small diamond where it wasn't before and shine it without the use of light as we know it, all for me and my family...ladies He can surely fix our matter the outcome...I now choose to believe...He already has!!!!!!

So like the lady with the found coin...I am shouting and praising and asking you to join me in celebrating. What was once lost has now been found! Question is am I talking about the diamond or my own faith?

Love you

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Head Full Of Questions And A Heart Full Of Praise!

Hey Ladies,
We are still struggling through our mire, but not fighting it as hard....we seem to be getting a little free.

Zoie is all better! She's been released by the doctors and seems to be back to her normal self! Thank You Jesus!

I had my first set of nerves deadened and will have the other side done next Friday. Unfortunately because of the recovery time, it may be February before I know if this will work or not.

My friend Bonnie has been approved for the Harvard study for his cancer. He has started the treatment and will be monitored closely. We are praying for dramatic and complete results....the kind only God can do!

As for our other trials, please keep praying. Things are so uncertain. I see God working...I feel His presence...I hear His words of encouragement. Then I ask for more faith.

God Answers:

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palm of my hands; your walls are continually before Me."
Isaiah 49:15,16

I have seen God as parent more through this trial than any other time in my life. I still have questions....He has chose not to answer now. But He keeps loving me, holding me, and I know my name is carved in His hand...right along with the nail scars that He endured for me!

So my questions will keep coming, but I am learning to wait and trust even though they are not answered before my sight.

Thanks for praying! Thanks for loving!

More later

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Today, It's His Neck

Thanks for your prayers.
We still need them.

Today, I am not asking, "Why?" or pounding my fist against my Holy Father's chest. Today, I am hiding my face in His neck. It is warm against my tear stained and tired eyes. Here I am safe. The only way not to focus on my circumstances is to hide my face in His neck. Secure in His arms. These circumstances are so out of my control anyway. So I bury my face in my Father's neck until the storm has passed.

He said today, "It isn't over until I (Jesus) say it's over!" I heard that while walking through my den this morning. A pastor on the radio said it as I stepped into the room. I felt as if God called my name and told me to listen. The pastor's message was on the death of Lazarus. He talked about Mary and Martha. Both felt hopeless...after all Lazarus had been dead for four days! But with Jesus...It's not over until He says its over! In my hopelessness I latched onto this.

Unlike Mary and Martha we are not facing the death of a loved one. Zoie is so much better. Mike is always healthy and apart from my back, so am I.

But...I am grieving hard for the death of lost dreams and expectations. My pride is also dying along with these dreams. Right now I don't know if they are truly dead or just waiting like Lazarus for resurrection. All I do know is that I must hold tighter to Jesus. Trusting Him to provide either peace in the departure or joy in the resurrection.

Thank you for your prayers, your love! I feel drained and empty. I need to feel the love you are sending. It helps me hold on.

I pray that God will allow me to share all of this soon. Two reasons: Selfishly because when i share it it will be over and the outcome matter which way is chosen. The other reason is so that by sharing, someone else could be encouraged.

The death of dreams are as painful as the death of a family member. I know God must feel my tears running down His neck. His robe must be soaked. I also know that as a parent, He doesn't mind one bit. He just holds me a little tighter.

Love Pamela

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Singing His Praises and Pounding His Chest.

Hi Y'all

Zoie is so much better! She hasn't had a rash in 4 days and has not hurt for 2!

Today, as I walked past the gym I saw her playing Dodge Ball. I almost jumped up and down seeing her run and play! I bet God feels that way about us when we have been down and out for a while. It must bring a big smile to His face when we get back into the game and live life abundantly.

I am having the nerves in my back deadened...they will do one side this Friday and the other side two weeks later. Please pray this works.

Our lives are changing...too much to discuss now but we need your prayers. That is why I have been off line the last few weeks.

I need you. I need your love. I need your encouragement. My family needs your prayers. I need this outlet and communication. So you will see more of me if I get my desire.

2009 has had a difficult start for us...but God is good.

His presence is strong!
His strength is sure!
His Love undeniable!
His hand encompasses me!
I am His!
Our hearts are right now beating as one,
as I cry, seek, pound on His chest and search His face.
He knows and holds me a little tighter
I feel His heartbeat as I rest in His hand.
My heartbeat and breathing start keeping His pace
as I start trusting and quit trying to understand.
All that matters now is that I am His
Tomorrow I may start pounding all over again
but today I can trust. Today I will stand.

I love you Lord!
May You get Glory out of my pain and may it show Your grace ,strength and love for Your children.

Thanks for listening

Friday, January 9, 2009

An Itchy Answer To Prayer!

Hey Friends,
Zoie is finally starting to get better!
We went to see a dermatologist in Charlotte, NC yesterday.
He put her on a different antihistamine for the hives and a different steroid.

God even showed up! Here's how!

These hives come and go. When I picked her up from school she was not itching and did not have any breakouts. She had two spells earlier in the day, but not one spot as we get in the car.

I knew that the Dr. would need to see them and it would be a wasted visit if they was nothing there.

So...I told Zoie that I was going to pray what might seem like a mean prayer.
I prayed that God would allow her to break out bad, right before we got there! I asked God to let the doctor see these hives at it's worse form, so that he would know without any doubt, just what we had been dealing with for over 10 straight days.
Zoie echoed the prayer, because she too wanted the Dr. to see it.
All the way there I would ask, "Are you itching yet?" "No, Mommoum."
Again, I silently asked God to allow her to itch so the DR. could see.
2 blocks before the Dr.'s office she started itching. By the time the Dr. saw her her whole torso was covered in these big angry hives.
When we lifted her shirt for him to look at her back, (which was itching the most) he knew exactly what type of hives they were and what to do to fix them.
Before he examined her, Zoie was wiggling and scratching and trying anything to relieve the itch. I finally suggested she sit on her hands to keep from clawing herself. After he looked at her and began telling us what we needed to do, she suddenly looked at me and grinned really she had a secret.

As soon as we got into the elevator to go back to the car, she busted out, "Mom! God unanswered your prayer as soon as he (The Dr.) looked at them! Wasn't that cool mom? God answered...then unanswered your prayer! I'm not itching!"

We do serve a way cool God that allows the DR. to see what needs to be done then removes the problem for relief.

This has lifted her spirits so much!

She still has pleurisy and her pain scale is high at night and if she over-does it during the day. She will just lay on you and cry because each breath is painful. This will just take time to heal. We can deal with it better now that we are getting the hives under control.

So keep praying for her and us.

There is more with my back I will share tomorrow or sometime this weekend. I am hoping that by Monday I can be back to blogging and visiting you all again.

Thank You Thank you Thank you! For all your prayers and encouragement.
God has taught me a lot about caring for a sick child when the illness is not terminal, but long. I will share some of this with you next week.

We serve a great God! I love Him so!!!!!
Love you too!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Please Pray for Zoie!!!!

Please send your prayers up for Zoie!
She has been sick on and off since Thanksgiving. She was even sick Christmas day.
Last night we had to rush her to Levine Children's hospital in Charlotte NC. She was having chest pains when she breathed. She also has a bad rash and a raised White blood count. They sent us home after some test and we saw her pediatrician this morning. He thinks the chest pains is caused by pleurisey. The rash we still are not sure it could be a virus or an allergic reation. They are both to be treated the same. Take Benedryl and wait it out.
We are all tired and our spirits are low.
We need your prayers, encouragement and love!
Thanks for being the kind of friends that I can come to you for all these things.
We love you