Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wanting Lies and Boulders Pulverized

Hey Y'all,
This is an update and sequal to yesterday's post.

Mike went to our primary care physician this morning. He looked over Mike's records then talked to the allergist who tested Mike 8-9 years ago and both agreed that Mike does not have any food allergies. They drafted a letter to the army supporting this fact and we are praying that this will be all we need to get the waiver. Neither Dr. has ever had to treat Mike for any allergies of any kind. Mike called his recruiter to tell him the letter was going to be faxed there. The recruiter said this may or may not be enough to get the waiver. We may still have the boulder in front of us. I have started praising. I know that sounds a little crazy but it is what my spirit is telling me to do. Praise! I serve THE God who spits out stars. I sever the only true God. I serve the God who can not....not act in my best intrest. I serve The Living God...The LORD JEHOVAH. Even if my God decides not to move this boulder...I will praise Him. His way is far better than mine. He who can see and be in the past present and future all at the same time...knows where the path around, through, under, or over that will lead us to His Promised Land for us here and then on to Glory with Him. So I'm praising Him. I'm singing and shouting praises for my God to this boulder. I'll sing when it falls down like Jerico and I'll sing and shout if it stands and we are lead in another direction. Can you hear me? I'm a shouting right now. Its my war cry!

This Southern Belle is letting out a godly yell!

WHOOHOOO! that fewlt good!

Now for the lies about my writing. One of the biggest stumbling blocks I have is the mechanics of writing. Growing up in the mid sixties in a small town in the south, with a handicap had many disadvantages. One was that it was assumed that since I wore a brace on my leg that I must also have one on my brain. By the second grade I was tired of defending myself every time I made a hundred ona test. The teachers and other students would accuse me of cheating. As a seven year old wanting people to like her, I decided not to make any more hundreds or A's...ever! At first it was hard getting things wrong on purpose. But then as new things were introduced and I would half pay attention...it was easy. If you do not learn the material...well you get the idea. Soon I forgot about this desicion and I too believed that I was as slow and retarded as they thought. I graduated high school with a low "C"/"D" average.
It was by the grace of God that I even got into collage.

During my first Writing 101 class, we were assigned a one page essay. When it came back it did not have a grade on it...just a note..."See me immediattly after class!" I was scared! The professor sent me straight to her office to make an appointment with her. During that apponitment she she told me "When I finished reading your paper, I was astonished. I have never seen a freshman who could take a subject and run it through the entire paper the way that you did. Once I could read it your paper is remarkable. The problem is that it took me almost 2 hours just to read your paper. How can you write so well when you are functionally illiterate?"
I will never forget those words. They both encouraged and discouraged me like riding a drop zone ride at an amusement park. She sat down and taught me that say simple sentance structure. I was able to pass collage with a high "C"/ low "B" average. I later graduated seminary with a solid "B" average.
Yet the mechanics of grammer has always been a puzzle to me. I think I'm so sure that I can't do it right that I sabatoge myself before I even start. Even as I have been sharing this I have made more spelling and gramatical mistakes than I have in years.
How is it that even when we know it is a lie in our heads we can still be defeated by it?

So there you have one of my biggest fears/lies. Pray with me that I will get my eyes off of what I can or can not do and just beieve that the Lord Himself will guide my fingers and my mind.

I will update you occasionally about my own "Much Afraid's" adventure. So do you know any easy to learn grammer books out there?

And just so you know what I'm talking about...I'm not going to spell check or have Mike or Zoie proof this for me. THis is me raw!



Joyfulsister said...

Hi Pam,
Wow it has been so long sistah!! How have you been doing, praring all is well. Isn't it something when people assume things about us just by our outter apperances and handicaps. I never got encouraged alot growing up and so it took me to be in my early forties to satrt writing poetry and trusting my heart to share it.

Hugz Lorie

Beverlydru said...

Hi Pamela. I've been catching up on your blog and I'm praying as I type and will continue to pray. God is moving all of us out of our comfort zones I think. "Attempt something so big that unless God intervenes it's bound to fail." I think that was Hudson Taylor or someone who lived out loud for God.
You can do it- through Him!
I have a story about how the enemy tried to steal my musical gifts. He is defeated! Amen and Halleluia. Hugs and prayers, Beverly

Edie said...

Grammar is not one of my strong suits my friend. I hate that people make assumptions based on outside appearances but if we are honest, we all do it to some degree even without realizing it.

I'm loving your transparency.
Much love to you my friend!