Monday, October 31, 2016

What Scares Me Most'

It is Halloween.
Many people love to dress up in scary costumes.  Why is it that we like to be scared?

Haunted Houses

Horror Movies

Roller Coasters

Dangerous Sports

These activities are designed for the fear or thrill.  They entertain us. They make us scream and in many ways, once they are over, we even feel more alive.

However, the things that terrify us will never entertain us.  I am terrified of a lot of things!
Some of the usual things, such as spiders, snakes, fire, things that go bump in the night, and for me a biggie is chickens!

Yes, I said chickens!  I love to eat them. I'm just afraid of them while they are alive.

I was attacked by a mean rooster when I was fourteen.  He ripped my jeans and tried flogging me in my face.  I fought hard but was loosing the battle like the Redcoats on Kings Mountain.  Then my mom suddenly appeared and hit that old rooster with a mop.  My dad caught him and 3 weeks latter we enjoyed about 10 pounds of chicken salad.

But my biggest fear is what I am doing tonight...on this scary Halloween night...writing this blog.

Yes, writing scares the patooties out of me.

There are a ton of reasons.  All of them are wrapped up in "What Ifs?"  What if  I can't express myself correctly?  What if no one reads it?  What if they do and expect lots more?  What if I'm boring?  What if....What if....What if....?  The Goliath of these "What If Giants" is what if... I give up again....quit again...hide again?

So, I can sit here in my fear or be brave and face those "What If Giants," including my Goliath.
I am going to throw a stone at my giant Goliath.  The stone of forgiveness.  I am going to forgive myself.  I forgive myself for quiting, for leaving you readers, and for disobeying GOD.

I know HE has forgiven is time for me to forgive me too.

By throwing that stone, I am able to sit here tonight and finish this post without fear.  It doesn't matter if you read it.  It doesn't matter if you like it....I hope you do...but honestly it doesn't matter.  Tonight, it doesn't matter if my grammar is correct, or if I am communicating beautifully.  What matters is that I obey GOD and write.  I'm throwing the stone and leaving the results up to HIM.  Because it is for HIM, by HIM, and through HIM that I can even breathe and be FEARLESS and write.

Psalm 34:4 "I sought the LORD, and HE answered me and delivered me from all my fears."

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Coming Out Of The Wilderness

Last post was in 2011!
It has been a long 5 plus years!  My years of wilderness training.  Much like the children of Israel when they faced the promise land the first time, I too saw too many giants to my ministry and ran away. 
I have learned some hard lessons in the wilderness.  Lessons about faith, being vulnerable....grunt and shiver, lessons about grace, and trust.

A lot has changed.  My daughter Zoie is now a senior in high school and planning for college.  Mike is a VA Chaplain and a chaplain in the Army reserves.  We are living in Ohio....very different from SC...but we love it!!!!

But most of all I've changed. 

In this new adventure with this old blog....I'd like to share with you not only lessons from the wilderness but also the real me.  Not the blogger me.  Not the minister's wife me.  Not the scared to let you see my mess me.  It is through those weak and messy times I have come to understand that JESUS loves to shine in and through us.  So truthfully, in hearing my stories, and seeing my messes, you will see HIS perfection, HIS grace. I want you to know that if HE can love this messed up girl who desperately wants to walk in pretty shoes, then HE loves you too!

The giants are still in the promised land.  I am trusting GOD to help me select the stones and like my hero David, trust HIM to deliver the blows. 

Pray for me as I write here.  Pray as I share my story....HIS story. 

I will commit to come here, I'll bring my coffee, my Bible, my sense of humor, my faith, and my fears....but most of all I'll bring my my true love...JESUS