This past month has been a doozie!
I spent it traveling, then going shopping for new clothes! Sounds like fun? It wasn't!
The traveling took me back to the past where the enemy threw insult bombs and fear grenades at my heart. I tried not to go there, but circumstances and memories were too much temptation. I later discovered that it was all in God's hands. He allowed the trip to heal and free me of my tendency to walk around in a victim's shroud or sack cloth.
I often whine and lament because life has dealt me some hard blows. Then I cover myself with sack cloth and ashes, all the while, feeling like poor pitiful me!
What started this trip into the ashes was the arrest of the cousin-in-law, who molested me as a 10 year old. He was arrested in 2005 (I did not know this) for messing with his own grandchildren. He was put on probation and became a registered sex offender. The creep got caught at the end of May, picking up his grandchildren from school. So since he broke probation by being around children, he was sent to prison for two years. As the news of this traveled through my extended family, several other, now young women, came forward and admitted that he had molested them too. I had not known this before. At first I sank deep into my pile of ashes, condemning myself for not telling anyone about what had happened to me at 10. "If I had only told" became my self-centered lament. Oh...it was masked in "Maybe I could have prevented it from happening to the others" facade. But truth be told, it was pure self pity. I am so good at that! God does not want us sitting on our Ash heaps over the past! After several days of weeping and crying out to God...at last I turned to Him.
The message was clear...the past is gone! It doesn't matter today what I did or did not do then...that time is gone and done. All that matters is what I do now! So I found myself at the Sheriff's Office reporting a 37 year old crime! Turns out, because I did that...within a week some of the others did too. He is now under investigation as not only a sex offender...but a predator!
It is amazing the release I feel! At 10, this man had threatened my family's life...if I ever told...now, his life is in danger. I feel clean! That part is a post for another time...still working through that one.
The day after I reported him to the police, God lead me to Psalm 30 and took me shopping for new clothes.
Read verses 11 & 12 with me.
"You turned my lament into dancing; you removed my sack cloth and clothed me with gladness, so that I can sing to You and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever!"
A scripture song I remember from long ago, based on Isaiah 55 says, "Wherefore do you spend your money on that which is not good...Listen carefully to me and eat that which is good and let your soul delight itself in fatness, fatness! Ho everyone that thirsts come ye to the waters he that hath no money come ye by and eat!"
I have traveled, became thirsty and weary, then cried to God who feed me from His abundance and clothed me in gladness.
By the way,
Do these new clothes make me look fat? I hope so.