Friday, April 8, 2011
New....Do!
Hi Y'all, What do you think about my new blog look? My friend Amy McNeil helped me. She is awesome! She is an excellent blogger and a beautiful example of a God lead mother, wife and friend! Thank you Amy! Now to more new...do's: New do's are happening over here at our house. New hair-do....I'm letting it go curly...post a picture soon. New husband...not really...he is a new Army Chaplain now! Finally! New mom/daughter relationship...had to adjust...middle-schoolers are a lot more difficult! New church...love this one! More on this one soon! God has totally blessed us! New attitudes....Thank you Lord! I was struggling there for a while, now I'm new too! What is your new do? Pamela Oh! If you want to connect with Amy you can find her here http://www.mcneilmenage.blogspot.com
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Six Word Story
Hi Y'all, She Reads has a scholarship for the She Speaks Conference going that is really interesting. I thought I might give it a try. So here is my six word story. To enter yourself go here http://www.shereads.org/2011/04/she-speaks-scholarship-contest/ Flag, coffin, her husband bequeathed freedom. She Speaks is a conference for women who want to serve women for God's kingdom. It is an amazing conference and you can read a little about my own experiences there in the post below. If you want to know more go herehttp://www.shespeaks.com/ I am going this year even if I don't win a scholarship. We don't have the money at the moment but I know that God will provide. I've already registered. Because faith is believing even in the unseen. Prayer request: Mike has gone to his 1st reserve drill. He began Chaplain duties today. I am so proud. Please pray that he will be a blessing and minister to these fine men and women who serve our country and may someday have to bequeath freedom. Love you all Pamela
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Still Walking in Pink Pumps!
Hi Y'all!
I looked at the website, a tear slowly crept out of the corner of my eye and fell on the keyboard. For 5 years I had looked at the site, hoping, praying, wondering and yes, even crying with desire to go, but knowing that I was not worthy. Who was I kidding?
Then, through a series of events including God having Lysa TerKeurst tell my husband to make me go. I attended my first She Speaks conference http://shespeaksconference.com/4 years ago. Terrified does not even begin to describe the elephant dance that was going on in my tummy. Forget butterflies! I prayed, I cried, I told my husband Mike I was NOT going! He put me in the car, kissed me, and said, "See ya Sunday afternoon." He had taken Lysa seriously!
God took Lysa seriously too! HE showed up! I was touched in so many ways physically and spiritually. I was blessed by the speakers, challenged, encouraged and even got to wear Zoe Elmore's hot pink pumps! Rachel Olson and Zoe held me up in the shoes I had always dreamed of having on my feet. Cerebral palsy does not allow for pretty shoes. God taught me through this experience that helplessness is where HE sometimes needs us to be.
That year God used She Speaks to change my life! I am a better speaker, my ministry has grown, but not like my flesh would have hoped. I still only have 2-3 engagements a year. Believe me when I tell you...that is not why I go! If your only goal is to sell your ministry, book, or network yourself...you will accomplish those goals at She Speaks, but you will miss out on far richer blessings. Go and meet Jesus there! I come home refreshed from being in HIS prescience. Every year I have heard from HIM! Fallen more in love with HIM! And understood HIS love for me in new and extreme ways!
I have attended 3 of the last 4 She Speaks conferences, and God has SHOWN UP to work in me, to me and through me! Last year I could not afford to attend because of financial reasons. I cried and prayed, but there was no way to pay for the conference. As the days drew near, my heart ached to be there. A few weeks before the conference God opened a window. A friend from Arizona posted that she would be attending. I asked her if she needed a ride from the airport. She said yes! I ended up picking up and shuttling 2 wonderful ladies to the conference and back to the airport! Finally, I was able to give to this conference instead of just receiving! It was a blessing! Though I missed the conference sessions and the complete experience. I feel I was able to live out and give away the blessings that had been given to me.
This year too our finances are tight. I am not sure I will be able to attend. Lysa has offered scholarship on her blog http://lysaterkeurst.com/ and I like many others am hoping to win. More so I am praying that God will supply by HIS grace a chance to go and meet HIM there again. I do know this...whether I attend or not...I again will shuttle ladies to and from the airport. I want to live out loud the blessing I have received from being a part of this ministry..all the while wearing my HOT PINK SHOES!
I looked at the website, a tear slowly crept out of the corner of my eye and fell on the keyboard. For 5 years I had looked at the site, hoping, praying, wondering and yes, even crying with desire to go, but knowing that I was not worthy. Who was I kidding?
Then, through a series of events including God having Lysa TerKeurst tell my husband to make me go. I attended my first She Speaks conference http://shespeaksconference.com/4 years ago. Terrified does not even begin to describe the elephant dance that was going on in my tummy. Forget butterflies! I prayed, I cried, I told my husband Mike I was NOT going! He put me in the car, kissed me, and said, "See ya Sunday afternoon." He had taken Lysa seriously!
God took Lysa seriously too! HE showed up! I was touched in so many ways physically and spiritually. I was blessed by the speakers, challenged, encouraged and even got to wear Zoe Elmore's hot pink pumps! Rachel Olson and Zoe held me up in the shoes I had always dreamed of having on my feet. Cerebral palsy does not allow for pretty shoes. God taught me through this experience that helplessness is where HE sometimes needs us to be.
That year God used She Speaks to change my life! I am a better speaker, my ministry has grown, but not like my flesh would have hoped. I still only have 2-3 engagements a year. Believe me when I tell you...that is not why I go! If your only goal is to sell your ministry, book, or network yourself...you will accomplish those goals at She Speaks, but you will miss out on far richer blessings. Go and meet Jesus there! I come home refreshed from being in HIS prescience. Every year I have heard from HIM! Fallen more in love with HIM! And understood HIS love for me in new and extreme ways!
I have attended 3 of the last 4 She Speaks conferences, and God has SHOWN UP to work in me, to me and through me! Last year I could not afford to attend because of financial reasons. I cried and prayed, but there was no way to pay for the conference. As the days drew near, my heart ached to be there. A few weeks before the conference God opened a window. A friend from Arizona posted that she would be attending. I asked her if she needed a ride from the airport. She said yes! I ended up picking up and shuttling 2 wonderful ladies to the conference and back to the airport! Finally, I was able to give to this conference instead of just receiving! It was a blessing! Though I missed the conference sessions and the complete experience. I feel I was able to live out and give away the blessings that had been given to me.
This year too our finances are tight. I am not sure I will be able to attend. Lysa has offered scholarship on her blog http://lysaterkeurst.com/ and I like many others am hoping to win. More so I am praying that God will supply by HIS grace a chance to go and meet HIM there again. I do know this...whether I attend or not...I again will shuttle ladies to and from the airport. I want to live out loud the blessing I have received from being a part of this ministry..all the while wearing my HOT PINK SHOES!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Oh My Word!
Hi Friends,
In recent weeks, two events have created a desire for me to make changes in my life. One was seeing my old house (check out last post). Seeing what happens when a house is neglected and not kept up-to-date caused me to look anew at my own home.
The other event was a conversation Zoie and I had that has left me stunned and disturbed. It started with a simple question that I asked her...really off-handedly. "What are some things you see in my life that point you to God?" Her answer sort of took the life out of me. "You teach me right from wrong." I sat there a minute processing her words. So I asked her, "That's funny, you didn't mention things like prayer and Bible study...Why?" She continued, "Mom, I know you do those things. I just don't see them...you asked me what I saw. I see you have devotions with the family. I see you pray with us every night. I don't see you do those things by-yourself."
OUCH!!!!!!!
If my own daughter does not see me reflecting God...then what kind of dull image am I reflecting of HIM to the World? I do pray and read HIS word...But I've been too private about it.
So.....
I have been busy updating my two dwellings. I am rearranging furniture in my home. I've looked at the space and taken the advice of some people who are good at this sort of thing...the one's who have designer's hearts...like my mom. Every room in my house is getting some sort of update. It may be as little as moving a picture or clearing a shelf to doing a major over-haul like in Zoie's room...every stick of furniture was moved.
This week, while looking through a dictionary for my class I teach, I came across a new word. The word is "Transmogrification."
It means changing something to the fantastic or bizarre.
To do this I am turning to another designer's heart...actually HE IS THE ONLY TRUE DESIGNER! The earth and everything in it is the only complete designer-original. Every other designer has to use HIS scraps! (giggle, giggle...)
That's what God is doing in the place where HE and I dwell...My heart. I am being Transmogrified into the fantastic and bizarre creation HE wants me to be. We are rearranging attitudes, cleaning out some self-centered issues...which like dust seems to collect everyday on the surface of my heart. We are de-cluttering my thoughts so that what is being stored there is more like HIS thoughts.
I want to be changed to the fantastic and bizarre because HE IS!
I want my house to look better and reflect the values and beliefs of my family....I want God to transmogrify my heart to reflect HIS values and beliefs.
My house will once again clutter up because people live there. So will my heart because my self lives there too. But here's the thing...as I lay out the plans, direct the ideas, and my family works together....we can continue to update, refurbish and rearrange so that our house will reflect us well. With my heart, I must work with God to do the same thing. HE will layout the plans. HE will direct the ideas. HE will complete the job. I must spend time with HIM, listen to HIM and obey HIM. The more it is all about HIM the more it will be all about HIM!
2 Corinthians 3:18 says "And all of us have had that veiled removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like HIM and reflect HIS glory even more." NLT
Why don't you grab a dust pan, a mirror, your Bible and let's get TRANSMOGRIFIED!
Love ya,
Pamela
In recent weeks, two events have created a desire for me to make changes in my life. One was seeing my old house (check out last post). Seeing what happens when a house is neglected and not kept up-to-date caused me to look anew at my own home.
The other event was a conversation Zoie and I had that has left me stunned and disturbed. It started with a simple question that I asked her...really off-handedly. "What are some things you see in my life that point you to God?" Her answer sort of took the life out of me. "You teach me right from wrong." I sat there a minute processing her words. So I asked her, "That's funny, you didn't mention things like prayer and Bible study...Why?" She continued, "Mom, I know you do those things. I just don't see them...you asked me what I saw. I see you have devotions with the family. I see you pray with us every night. I don't see you do those things by-yourself."
OUCH!!!!!!!
If my own daughter does not see me reflecting God...then what kind of dull image am I reflecting of HIM to the World? I do pray and read HIS word...But I've been too private about it.
So.....
I have been busy updating my two dwellings. I am rearranging furniture in my home. I've looked at the space and taken the advice of some people who are good at this sort of thing...the one's who have designer's hearts...like my mom. Every room in my house is getting some sort of update. It may be as little as moving a picture or clearing a shelf to doing a major over-haul like in Zoie's room...every stick of furniture was moved.
This week, while looking through a dictionary for my class I teach, I came across a new word. The word is "Transmogrification."
It means changing something to the fantastic or bizarre.
To do this I am turning to another designer's heart...actually HE IS THE ONLY TRUE DESIGNER! The earth and everything in it is the only complete designer-original. Every other designer has to use HIS scraps! (giggle, giggle...)
That's what God is doing in the place where HE and I dwell...My heart. I am being Transmogrified into the fantastic and bizarre creation HE wants me to be. We are rearranging attitudes, cleaning out some self-centered issues...which like dust seems to collect everyday on the surface of my heart. We are de-cluttering my thoughts so that what is being stored there is more like HIS thoughts.
I want to be changed to the fantastic and bizarre because HE IS!
I want my house to look better and reflect the values and beliefs of my family....I want God to transmogrify my heart to reflect HIS values and beliefs.
My house will once again clutter up because people live there. So will my heart because my self lives there too. But here's the thing...as I lay out the plans, direct the ideas, and my family works together....we can continue to update, refurbish and rearrange so that our house will reflect us well. With my heart, I must work with God to do the same thing. HE will layout the plans. HE will direct the ideas. HE will complete the job. I must spend time with HIM, listen to HIM and obey HIM. The more it is all about HIM the more it will be all about HIM!
2 Corinthians 3:18 says "And all of us have had that veiled removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like HIM and reflect HIS glory even more." NLT
Why don't you grab a dust pan, a mirror, your Bible and let's get TRANSMOGRIFIED!
Love ya,
Pamela
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
That's Where I used to Live!
Hi Friends!
I grew up in only two houses. I lived in one till I was four and I honestly don't remember much about that one. The other house, I lived in from the age of four until I was 24! It is as Miranda Lambert sings about, "the house that built me." My parents moved from that house when I was in my early 30's. I love where they live now and it instantly became home. I'll tell you about my parent's home another time.
Mike, Zoie and I moved back to my home town almost seven years ago. As we drive by the old home place, I find myself saying, "I used to live there." Driving to my parents on Christmas eve this year, I looked at my old house and noticed a "For Sale" sign. I asked Mike to pull over and I jotted down the number of the agent on the sign. A couple days later, I called and asked to see the house. I was so excited! I knew there had been some add-ons made and I could not wait to see the changes on the inside. Even as we pulled into the drive, things felt familiar. I drew in a deep breath and for a brief second, felt like I had come home from a long trip. We walked to the front door and stepped into what had always been my favorite room...the formal living room.
CRASH!!!!!!!
I had expected the house to be a little run down, after all... it was over 50 years old! But this was heart breaking! There had been changes to the outside of the house...updates...some good...some not so good. But the inside of the house had not changed...It was stuck in the 70's and 80's era. I vaguely heard the agent talking about the hard wood floors, as I walked around what had once been an elegant, peaceful, GOD-filled room, that now stood half empty and discarded. The agent went on to explain about a very bad, brown and green carpet in the great room. I kind of snorted out a half laugh as I said, "It wasn't green when I lived here." Soon we were walking into the kitchen and my heart sunk further. Although it had been painted, it too had been neglected. Then into the dinning room... it was the only room that looked like with just a coat of wax on the floor....it would be as good as new. I looked toward the great room and a tear ran down my face. The green and brown carpet that the agent had talked about... WAS the same carpet that my parents had put in there...only then it had been brown, orange and beige. The rest of the house was no better. Where seeing the same carpets and layouts of the rooms should have brought back fond memories, it only broke my heart more to see that nothing much had changed. I was flooded with childhood memories...all good by the way...and I shared them with Mike, Zoie and the patient agent. After we left, I cried because of the neglect. Why had they not taken care of the house?
My parents would have never let that house grow old like that. They constantly changed it while I was growing up, to fit the times. They had added on, updated, redesigned the cabinets... every couple of years our house was freshly painted and something was changed. It was always a showcase and beautiful.
It made me think about my own house...not the building I live in...but my spiritual house. The one where CHRIST dwells within me. Have I just kept up the outside with neglect to the inside? Have I tried too hard to keep it as it was 20 years ago? I often think back to my days as a young excited seminary student, who wanted to witness to the world! How many times have I tried to "decorate" my spiritual house by using the same kind of old stories and disciplines? Our relationship with GOD should be ever changing...always being updated to what is happening now...not what worked in the past.
I don't want to ever go back and live in the house where I used to live...physically or spiritually!
UPDATE ME LORD!!!! I need a relationship with YOU that is HERE, NOW, TODAY and exactly right with the times!
I think it is time to UPDATE And REDECORATE! I've got some ideas...wanna join me and let the ultimate designer give us an EXTREME MAKE-OVER!
Love Ya!
Pamela
I grew up in only two houses. I lived in one till I was four and I honestly don't remember much about that one. The other house, I lived in from the age of four until I was 24! It is as Miranda Lambert sings about, "the house that built me." My parents moved from that house when I was in my early 30's. I love where they live now and it instantly became home. I'll tell you about my parent's home another time.
Mike, Zoie and I moved back to my home town almost seven years ago. As we drive by the old home place, I find myself saying, "I used to live there." Driving to my parents on Christmas eve this year, I looked at my old house and noticed a "For Sale" sign. I asked Mike to pull over and I jotted down the number of the agent on the sign. A couple days later, I called and asked to see the house. I was so excited! I knew there had been some add-ons made and I could not wait to see the changes on the inside. Even as we pulled into the drive, things felt familiar. I drew in a deep breath and for a brief second, felt like I had come home from a long trip. We walked to the front door and stepped into what had always been my favorite room...the formal living room.
CRASH!!!!!!!
I had expected the house to be a little run down, after all... it was over 50 years old! But this was heart breaking! There had been changes to the outside of the house...updates...some good...some not so good. But the inside of the house had not changed...It was stuck in the 70's and 80's era. I vaguely heard the agent talking about the hard wood floors, as I walked around what had once been an elegant, peaceful, GOD-filled room, that now stood half empty and discarded. The agent went on to explain about a very bad, brown and green carpet in the great room. I kind of snorted out a half laugh as I said, "It wasn't green when I lived here." Soon we were walking into the kitchen and my heart sunk further. Although it had been painted, it too had been neglected. Then into the dinning room... it was the only room that looked like with just a coat of wax on the floor....it would be as good as new. I looked toward the great room and a tear ran down my face. The green and brown carpet that the agent had talked about... WAS the same carpet that my parents had put in there...only then it had been brown, orange and beige. The rest of the house was no better. Where seeing the same carpets and layouts of the rooms should have brought back fond memories, it only broke my heart more to see that nothing much had changed. I was flooded with childhood memories...all good by the way...and I shared them with Mike, Zoie and the patient agent. After we left, I cried because of the neglect. Why had they not taken care of the house?
My parents would have never let that house grow old like that. They constantly changed it while I was growing up, to fit the times. They had added on, updated, redesigned the cabinets... every couple of years our house was freshly painted and something was changed. It was always a showcase and beautiful.
It made me think about my own house...not the building I live in...but my spiritual house. The one where CHRIST dwells within me. Have I just kept up the outside with neglect to the inside? Have I tried too hard to keep it as it was 20 years ago? I often think back to my days as a young excited seminary student, who wanted to witness to the world! How many times have I tried to "decorate" my spiritual house by using the same kind of old stories and disciplines? Our relationship with GOD should be ever changing...always being updated to what is happening now...not what worked in the past.
I don't want to ever go back and live in the house where I used to live...physically or spiritually!
UPDATE ME LORD!!!! I need a relationship with YOU that is HERE, NOW, TODAY and exactly right with the times!
I think it is time to UPDATE And REDECORATE! I've got some ideas...wanna join me and let the ultimate designer give us an EXTREME MAKE-OVER!
Love Ya!
Pamela
Thursday, December 2, 2010
She Loved Her Enemy
Hey Y'all!
It was her reaction that alarmed me...not what had happened to her...but what she did that sent BIG RED LIGHTS flashing off in my head screeching...
"Warning Pamela Robinson! Warning! Warning!"
As I questioned her further, she started crying and the whole story poured out like a flood.
My Zoie was being bullied!
Pause...while I once again retract my mother bear claws and calm my temper back down from just thinking about this!
There much better...had to settle my flesh down by reminding it that God has already handled this HIS way.
The next morning I went straight to the principle. Zoie and I also talked with each of her teacher's....everyone was on notice. Everyone was watching. She did it again and then "The Bully" was put on notice.
Two weeks passed with no bullying...nothing between the two girls.
The Christmas Choral Concert was just a few weeks away, and they were holding auditions for solos and duets. Zoie was one of the first to sign up. The auditions would take place over several days...but slots were limited. The second day of the auditions, the bully decided she too would like to audition. No open slots. Mrs. O'Neal asked the class if anyone would be willing to give up their audition slot for this girl to have a chance.
Ok, pause to wipe tears...
Without hesitation, Zoie raised her hand and gave up her slot for her bully. What you need to know is that she knew that could possibly mean...she would not get to sing. The very thing she loves doing as much as breathing, SHE GAVE UP FOR HER ENEMY!
I am both proud and in awe of that kind of willingness to sacrifice.
The bully auditioned...stunned at Zoie giving up her spot for her. Then she backed out again the next day. Zoie asked her, "Why?"
"Because I'm too scared. I don't think I sing good enough."
"You have a very pretty voice, don't give up...give it a try." Zoie offered.
Her enemy looked at her then said "You are only saying that Zoie because you are my friend. Thank you Zoie."
From enemy to friend by one action---one sacrifice. Isn't that what Christ did for us? "While we were yet sinners Christ died for us."
Jesus tells us to love our enemies. I've heard testimonies of this from people who have loved those who experienced enemies on a big level..such as loving someone who has murdered a loved one. Elizabeth Elliot going back and serving the tribesmen who killed her husband for example.
This was my first time to see it in the everyday. Which as most of you know is the hardest place to practice and live God's truth.
The concert was Tuesday night and Zoie sang beautifully! She is truly a beauty don't ya think?
Inside and out! I think she favors her FATHER.
Love ya
Pamela
Monday, November 29, 2010
I Have A Confession
Hey Y'all,
I have a Confession. I am afraid. Extremely afraid...like Nightmare Marathon Time afraid.
I am afraid of you.
Isn't that silly? (Please say it is or I will shrink up right now!)
My mind tells me it's silly...my fears tell me to be terrified.
How can I be so scared of you? I mean you are--wherever you are and I am here. You are reading this, not looking at me...you can't see or hear me over this page unless I video...which I've never done. YET you scare me!
It's not that I am worried you will not like me. Truth is no matter what you read here...you will never really know me. I could be in the crowd at your church some Sunday and some of you would not know me. I am smart enough to know that. So to tell the truth, it doesn't truly matter if you like me or not.
It's not that I have cyber fears of you stalking me or anything like that. My nightmares are not about you hunting me down in my sleep. I've taken good precautions there and honestly I trust GOD with that one...so that's not it.
I'm honestly sitting here processing this as I write it. I am searching for the answers myself...I don't know why you scare me. ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT MY FEAR OF YOU HAS KEPT ME FROM WRITING TO YOU.
God has blessed us so much these last few months. So why am I afraid to share it? HE has continued to heal my broken places. HE has taught me some deep and wonderful truths through HIS WORD...Yet I have not shared...not only have I not shared with you but with others who DO know me...Why?
If any of you have experienced similar fears, please let me know about your experiences and maybe we can help each other.
As I sit here pondering, reflecting, praying, seeking, and tapping these letters together on the keyboard and watching these words that have been hidden in my darkest place come out, I am beginning to feel peace and see some light.
Maybe, it is because I am exposing it to the truth.
Part of this started as I first confessed to you that I felt called to write more....to share more intimately...to share more consistently and with purpose and mission. After that, it seems any excuse would do to keep me from talking with you here...then to stop talking with close, nearby friends too.
OOOOH how conviction tears at hurt places in our soul. It is good. It draws out the venom of the lies the enemy has sank deep there.
Lies like...I can't! No one cares anyway! You have too many stories..people will think you made it up...too much like a "Movie of The Week" than real life. You are glorifying yourself in here not God.
Truth reveals these lies and exposed they can not stand. This may be some of the reasons or there may be some more hidden even deeper. I still do not know completely why....I don't need to anymore.
I now realize what I need to do.
So here...exposed to you...I lay my fears down and make no promises that I can't or will chose not to keep. I lay it all here my fears, my typing fingers, my blessings, my troubles, my pain and my joys...my ALL
Jesus take control of it all..it all belongs to you anyway...every friend, every word, every thought, every bit. Consume me with YOUR presence.
May I do a Nest-tea plunge into your GRACE. Then let me swim in your love and then serve others from the overflow. Your Over-flow!
Thank you for listening to me as I processed this out. Please share with me your experiences and pray for me.
I do truly love you. I don't feel afraid anymore...I'd give you a big ole SOUTHERN bear hug if I could...the kind where I squeeze ya so hard we shake. OOOPS I may have just made you scared of me! Hope not! If I did let's talk it out.
Love,
Pamela
I have a Confession. I am afraid. Extremely afraid...like Nightmare Marathon Time afraid.
I am afraid of you.
Isn't that silly? (Please say it is or I will shrink up right now!)
My mind tells me it's silly...my fears tell me to be terrified.
How can I be so scared of you? I mean you are--wherever you are and I am here. You are reading this, not looking at me...you can't see or hear me over this page unless I video...which I've never done. YET you scare me!
It's not that I am worried you will not like me. Truth is no matter what you read here...you will never really know me. I could be in the crowd at your church some Sunday and some of you would not know me. I am smart enough to know that. So to tell the truth, it doesn't truly matter if you like me or not.
It's not that I have cyber fears of you stalking me or anything like that. My nightmares are not about you hunting me down in my sleep. I've taken good precautions there and honestly I trust GOD with that one...so that's not it.
I'm honestly sitting here processing this as I write it. I am searching for the answers myself...I don't know why you scare me. ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT MY FEAR OF YOU HAS KEPT ME FROM WRITING TO YOU.
God has blessed us so much these last few months. So why am I afraid to share it? HE has continued to heal my broken places. HE has taught me some deep and wonderful truths through HIS WORD...Yet I have not shared...not only have I not shared with you but with others who DO know me...Why?
If any of you have experienced similar fears, please let me know about your experiences and maybe we can help each other.
As I sit here pondering, reflecting, praying, seeking, and tapping these letters together on the keyboard and watching these words that have been hidden in my darkest place come out, I am beginning to feel peace and see some light.
Maybe, it is because I am exposing it to the truth.
Part of this started as I first confessed to you that I felt called to write more....to share more intimately...to share more consistently and with purpose and mission. After that, it seems any excuse would do to keep me from talking with you here...then to stop talking with close, nearby friends too.
OOOOH how conviction tears at hurt places in our soul. It is good. It draws out the venom of the lies the enemy has sank deep there.
Lies like...I can't! No one cares anyway! You have too many stories..people will think you made it up...too much like a "Movie of The Week" than real life. You are glorifying yourself in here not God.
Truth reveals these lies and exposed they can not stand. This may be some of the reasons or there may be some more hidden even deeper. I still do not know completely why....I don't need to anymore.
I now realize what I need to do.
So here...exposed to you...I lay my fears down and make no promises that I can't or will chose not to keep. I lay it all here my fears, my typing fingers, my blessings, my troubles, my pain and my joys...my ALL
Jesus take control of it all..it all belongs to you anyway...every friend, every word, every thought, every bit. Consume me with YOUR presence.
May I do a Nest-tea plunge into your GRACE. Then let me swim in your love and then serve others from the overflow. Your Over-flow!
Thank you for listening to me as I processed this out. Please share with me your experiences and pray for me.
I do truly love you. I don't feel afraid anymore...I'd give you a big ole SOUTHERN bear hug if I could...the kind where I squeeze ya so hard we shake. OOOPS I may have just made you scared of me! Hope not! If I did let's talk it out.
Love,
Pamela
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