Pinkshoelady

Shaken Not Stirred

2011-07-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

I am being shaken like a morocco in a mariachi band! The good thing is that even though it does not feel good...it is for my good.

I have had a lot of shaking events this year, that have left me searching, exhausted, and even wounded. Here are some of the highlights:

My husband had 3 kidney stone procedures during February and March which left us with huge medical bills.

I lost my job.

Then on our Army Chaplain Conference/vacation, I fell...while running with Zoie...and broke my shoulder in 3 count them 3 places....a minimum of 13 weeks healing time then physical therapy and or possible surgery.

These things, compiled on top of each other, left me feeling both helpless and hopeless. I cried out to God and lamented much like King David in the Psalms or the prophets of old. "How long, O LORD!" or in the Hebrew " "Admathay Adonay!" (pronounced Ad-ma-tye A-do-nie!) It is said as a wail or shouting cry from the heart.

One night, I sat here in my office wailing to God...because of the pain in my shoulder, the pain of worrying over our finances, the pain of losing the job I so dearly loved, but mostly the pain of feeling helpless and alone. You can't help but feel helpless when you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself!

GOD took me to Hebrews 12...Yeah, the God loves those HE disciplines chapter. I did not feel that GOD was telling me all these things were punishment...that is not the GOD I know and love. I do believe HE was letting me know that there are some things in my life that needs to go....not as punishment but as cleansing, healing, and for my training as HIS child.

As I read these words, instead of feeling condemed, or punished, I felt an overwhelming since of GOD'S love for me. This time of "helplessness" would only be for a moment but the righteousness it produceses will last for eternity! Hebrews 12:25-28 says (in my own paraphrase) to heed GOD'S words carefully as HE shakes me until all that is left is what cannot be shaken.

I bowed in awe and expectation, absorbing and drowning in the love I suddenly felt. HE loves me enough to shake me until all that is left...is what can never be shaken!

Thank YOU GOD! Shake on! I am surrendering to being a morocco in the hands of THE GREATEST PERCUSSIONEST and even though it hurts...the music is becoming more beautiful everyday!

Battle Between Two Kingdoms

2011-04-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

The battle lines are drawn. The two kingdoms are set to fight. The only question left is who will win in the end. Will the Kingdom of Icandoit or the Kingdom of Idon’twantto reign supreme. Both of these kingdoms are powerful with many influences throughout the area. Both kingdoms want full control and there can be no area of compromise. These two kingdoms cannot coexist in the same place. One will reign, the other will be banished. They may have to fight again another day but each time the winner will take all. Who will win? The ground they are fighting for is control of our own wills. We alone can decide the winner. Will you live in the kingdom of I-can-do-it or be ruled by the I-don’t-want-to’s? The battle is won by a simple decision, yet the tactics of the army’s in both camps can be strong.

Let’s start with the army of the Idon’twantto’s. Some of the weapons used are that of complacency, apathy, laziness, insecurity and fear. These weapons are powerful and will cause us to not trust our King or do our best. These weapons hinder us from meeting our goals and expectations. They cause us to doubt our abilities which leads to not trying and giving up. Ultimately the goal of the reign of the Idon’twanto’s is to stop us from succeeding and accomplishing the plan God has for each of us in His Ultimate and Eternal Kingdom.

There are also strong weapons in the Kingdom of Icandoit. In this kingdom the weapons of choice are determination, adaptability, focus, perseverance, patience, and one that at first seems unusual…
loss-of-control.
This last weapon is the most powerful and most successful in our being able to succeed the goals God has planned for us. But loss-of-control when turned over to God is the atomic power of this battle. It secures victory and becomes the strongest shield against any weapon thrown our way.

This battle is not won by hand-to-hand combat, but a simple decision. Who will you believe? Will you choose to live with the Idon’twantto’s or the I candoit’s? One last bit of information before you decide; The kingdom of the Idon’twantto’s will bring about self-doubt, discouragement and failure. While, the kingdom of the Icandoit’s will bring you confidence, success and peace.

Today you must choose. Will you say “I don’t want to” or will you shout in victory “I can do it!” Have faith and believe God’s word as it says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13. Because there is a secret about the kingdom of Icandoit…it’s true name is the kingdom of
God-can-do-it.

I wrote this for our school newsletter last year. I am struggling today and have been residing in the Kingdom of Idon'twanto! God lead me to this article and I it encouraged me so much, I had to share it with you.

I am going to go abide now in the Kingdom of Icandoit. I plan on swimming in the pool of faith and resting in the palm of my King Adonai's Hand!

Love Ya!
Pamela

This is a Test

2011-04-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

This is a test.

It is only a test.

My blog has been doing something Weird

So I am testing something out.

Pamela

New....Do!

2011-04-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

Hi Y'all, What do you think about my new blog look? My friend Amy McNeil helped me. She is awesome! She is an excellent blogger and a beautiful example of a God lead mother, wife and friend! Thank you Amy! Now to more new...do's: New do's are happening over here at our house. New hair-do....I'm letting it go curly...post a picture soon. New husband...not really...he is a new Army Chaplain now! Finally! New mom/daughter relationship...had to adjust...middle-schoolers are a lot more difficult! New church...love this one! More on this one soon! God has totally blessed us! New attitudes....Thank you Lord! I was struggling there for a while, now I'm new too! What is your new do? Pamela Oh! If you want to connect with Amy you can find her here http://www.mcneilmenage.blogspot.com

Six Word Story

2011-04-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hi Y'all, She Reads has a scholarship for the She Speaks Conference going that is really interesting. I thought I might give it a try. So here is my six word story. To enter yourself go here http://www.shereads.org/2011/04/she-speaks-scholarship-contest/ Flag, coffin, her husband bequeathed freedom. She Speaks is a conference for women who want to serve women for God's kingdom. It is an amazing conference and you can read a little about my own experiences there in the post below. If you want to know more go herehttp://www.shespeaks.com/ I am going this year even if I don't win a scholarship. We don't have the money at the moment but I know that God will provide. I've already registered. Because faith is believing even in the unseen. Prayer request: Mike has gone to his 1st reserve drill. He began Chaplain duties today. I am so proud. Please pray that he will be a blessing and minister to these fine men and women who serve our country and may someday have to bequeath freedom. Love you all Pamela

Still Walking in Pink Pumps!

2011-03-10T16:22:00.000-08:00

Hi Y'all!
I looked at the website, a tear slowly crept out of the corner of my eye and fell on the keyboard. For 5 years I had looked at the site, hoping, praying, wondering and yes, even crying with desire to go, but knowing that I was not worthy. Who was I kidding?

Then, through a series of events including God having Lysa TerKeurst tell my husband to make me go. I attended my first She Speaks conference http://shespeaksconference.com/4 years ago. Terrified does not even begin to describe the elephant dance that was going on in my tummy. Forget butterflies! I prayed, I cried, I told my husband Mike I was NOT going! He put me in the car, kissed me, and said, "See ya Sunday afternoon." He had taken Lysa seriously!

God took Lysa seriously too! HE showed up! I was touched in so many ways physically and spiritually. I was blessed by the speakers, challenged, encouraged and even got to wear Zoe Elmore's hot pink pumps! Rachel Olson and Zoe held me up in the shoes I had always dreamed of having on my feet. Cerebral palsy does not allow for pretty shoes. God taught me through this experience that helplessness is where HE sometimes needs us to be.

That year God used She Speaks to change my life! I am a better speaker, my ministry has grown, but not like my flesh would have hoped. I still only have 2-3 engagements a year. Believe me when I tell you...that is not why I go! If your only goal is to sell your ministry, book, or network yourself...you will accomplish those goals at She Speaks, but you will miss out on far richer blessings. Go and meet Jesus there! I come home refreshed from being in HIS prescience. Every year I have heard from HIM! Fallen more in love with HIM! And understood HIS love for me in new and extreme ways!

I have attended 3 of the last 4 She Speaks conferences, and God has SHOWN UP to work in me, to me and through me! Last year I could not afford to attend because of financial reasons. I cried and prayed, but there was no way to pay for the conference. As the days drew near, my heart ached to be there. A few weeks before the conference God opened a window. A friend from Arizona posted that she would be attending. I asked her if she needed a ride from the airport. She said yes! I ended up picking up and shuttling 2 wonderful ladies to the conference and back to the airport! Finally, I was able to give to this conference instead of just receiving! It was a blessing! Though I missed the conference sessions and the complete experience. I feel I was able to live out and give away the blessings that had been given to me.

This year too our finances are tight. I am not sure I will be able to attend. Lysa has offered scholarship on her blog http://lysaterkeurst.com/ and I like many others am hoping to win. More so I am praying that God will supply by HIS grace a chance to go and meet HIM there again. I do know this...whether I attend or not...I again will shuttle ladies to and from the airport. I want to live out loud the blessing I have received from being a part of this ministry..all the while wearing my HOT PINK SHOES!

Oh My Word!

2011-01-16T16:48:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends,

In recent weeks, two events have created a desire for me to make changes in my life. One was seeing my old house (check out last post). Seeing what happens when a house is neglected and not kept up-to-date caused me to look anew at my own home.

The other event was a conversation Zoie and I had that has left me stunned and disturbed. It started with a simple question that I asked her...really off-handedly. "What are some things you see in my life that point you to God?" Her answer sort of took the life out of me. "You teach me right from wrong." I sat there a minute processing her words. So I asked her, "That's funny, you didn't mention things like prayer and Bible study...Why?" She continued, "Mom, I know you do those things. I just don't see them...you asked me what I saw. I see you have devotions with the family. I see you pray with us every night. I don't see you do those things by-yourself."

OUCH!!!!!!!

If my own daughter does not see me reflecting God...then what kind of dull image am I reflecting of HIM to the World? I do pray and read HIS word...But I've been too private about it.

So.....

I have been busy updating my two dwellings. I am rearranging furniture in my home. I've looked at the space and taken the advice of some people who are good at this sort of thing...the one's who have designer's hearts...like my mom. Every room in my house is getting some sort of update. It may be as little as moving a picture or clearing a shelf to doing a major over-haul like in Zoie's room...every stick of furniture was moved.

This week, while looking through a dictionary for my class I teach, I came across a new word. The word is "Transmogrification."

It means changing something to the fantastic or bizarre.

To do this I am turning to another designer's heart...actually HE IS THE ONLY TRUE DESIGNER! The earth and everything in it is the only complete designer-original. Every other designer has to use HIS scraps! (giggle, giggle...)

That's what God is doing in the place where HE and I dwell...My heart. I am being Transmogrified into the fantastic and bizarre creation HE wants me to be. We are rearranging attitudes, cleaning out some self-centered issues...which like dust seems to collect everyday on the surface of my heart. We are de-cluttering my thoughts so that what is being stored there is more like HIS thoughts.

I want to be changed to the fantastic and bizarre because HE IS!

I want my house to look better and reflect the values and beliefs of my family....I want God to transmogrify my heart to reflect HIS values and beliefs.

My house will once again clutter up because people live there. So will my heart because my self lives there too. But here's the thing...as I lay out the plans, direct the ideas, and my family works together....we can continue to update, refurbish and rearrange so that our house will reflect us well. With my heart, I must work with God to do the same thing. HE will layout the plans. HE will direct the ideas. HE will complete the job. I must spend time with HIM, listen to HIM and obey HIM. The more it is all about HIM the more it will be all about HIM!

2 Corinthians 3:18 says "And all of us have had that veiled removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like HIM and reflect HIS glory even more." NLT

Why don't you grab a dust pan, a mirror, your Bible and let's get TRANSMOGRIFIED!

Love ya,
Pamela

That's Where I used to Live!

2011-01-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

I grew up in only two houses. I lived in one till I was four and I honestly don't remember much about that one. The other house, I lived in from the age of four until I was 24! It is as Miranda Lambert sings about, "the house that built me." My parents moved from that house when I was in my early 30's. I love where they live now and it instantly became home. I'll tell you about my parent's home another time.

Mike, Zoie and I moved back to my home town almost seven years ago. As we drive by the old home place, I find myself saying, "I used to live there." Driving to my parents on Christmas eve this year, I looked at my old house and noticed a "For Sale" sign. I asked Mike to pull over and I jotted down the number of the agent on the sign. A couple days later, I called and asked to see the house. I was so excited! I knew there had been some add-ons made and I could not wait to see the changes on the inside. Even as we pulled into the drive, things felt familiar. I drew in a deep breath and for a brief second, felt like I had come home from a long trip. We walked to the front door and stepped into what had always been my favorite room...the formal living room.

CRASH!!!!!!!

I had expected the house to be a little run down, after all... it was over 50 years old! But this was heart breaking! There had been changes to the outside of the house...updates...some good...some not so good. But the inside of the house had not changed...It was stuck in the 70's and 80's era. I vaguely heard the agent talking about the hard wood floors, as I walked around what had once been an elegant, peaceful, GOD-filled room, that now stood half empty and discarded. The agent went on to explain about a very bad, brown and green carpet in the great room. I kind of snorted out a half laugh as I said, "It wasn't green when I lived here." Soon we were walking into the kitchen and my heart sunk further. Although it had been painted, it too had been neglected. Then into the dinning room... it was the only room that looked like with just a coat of wax on the floor....it would be as good as new. I looked toward the great room and a tear ran down my face. The green and brown carpet that the agent had talked about... WAS the same carpet that my parents had put in there...only then it had been brown, orange and beige. The rest of the house was no better. Where seeing the same carpets and layouts of the rooms should have brought back fond memories, it only broke my heart more to see that nothing much had changed. I was flooded with childhood memories...all good by the way...and I shared them with Mike, Zoie and the patient agent. After we left, I cried because of the neglect. Why had they not taken care of the house?

My parents would have never let that house grow old like that. They constantly changed it while I was growing up, to fit the times. They had added on, updated, redesigned the cabinets... every couple of years our house was freshly painted and something was changed. It was always a showcase and beautiful.

It made me think about my own house...not the building I live in...but my spiritual house. The one where CHRIST dwells within me. Have I just kept up the outside with neglect to the inside? Have I tried too hard to keep it as it was 20 years ago? I often think back to my days as a young excited seminary student, who wanted to witness to the world! How many times have I tried to "decorate" my spiritual house by using the same kind of old stories and disciplines? Our relationship with GOD should be ever changing...always being updated to what is happening now...not what worked in the past.

I don't want to ever go back and live in the house where I used to live...physically or spiritually!
UPDATE ME LORD!!!! I need a relationship with YOU that is HERE, NOW, TODAY and exactly right with the times!

I think it is time to UPDATE And REDECORATE! I've got some ideas...wanna join me and let the ultimate designer give us an EXTREME MAKE-OVER!

Love Ya!
Pamela

She Loved Her Enemy

2010-12-02T06:13:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all!

It was her reaction that alarmed me...not what had happened to her...but what she did that sent BIG RED LIGHTS flashing off in my head screeching...

"Warning Pamela Robinson! Warning! Warning!"

As I questioned her further, she started crying and the whole story poured out like a flood.

My Zoie was being bullied!

Pause...while I once again retract my mother bear claws and calm my temper back down from just thinking about this!

There much better...had to settle my flesh down by reminding it that God has already handled this HIS way.

The next morning I went straight to the principle. Zoie and I also talked with each of her teacher's....everyone was on notice. Everyone was watching. She did it again and then "The Bully" was put on notice.

Two weeks passed with no bullying...nothing between the two girls.

The Christmas Choral Concert was just a few weeks away, and they were holding auditions for solos and duets. Zoie was one of the first to sign up. The auditions would take place over several days...but slots were limited. The second day of the auditions, the bully decided she too would like to audition. No open slots. Mrs. O'Neal asked the class if anyone would be willing to give up their audition slot for this girl to have a chance.

Ok, pause to wipe tears...

Without hesitation, Zoie raised her hand and gave up her slot for her bully. What you need to know is that she knew that could possibly mean...she would not get to sing. The very thing she loves doing as much as breathing, SHE GAVE UP FOR HER ENEMY!

I am both proud and in awe of that kind of willingness to sacrifice.

The bully auditioned...stunned at Zoie giving up her spot for her. Then she backed out again the next day. Zoie asked her, "Why?"

"Because I'm too scared. I don't think I sing good enough."

"You have a very pretty voice, don't give up...give it a try." Zoie offered.

Her enemy looked at her then said "You are only saying that Zoie because you are my friend. Thank you Zoie."

From enemy to friend by one action---one sacrifice. Isn't that what Christ did for us? "While we were yet sinners Christ died for us."

Jesus tells us to love our enemies. I've heard testimonies of this from people who have loved those who experienced enemies on a big level..such as loving someone who has murdered a loved one. Elizabeth Elliot going back and serving the tribesmen who killed her husband for example.

This was my first time to see it in the everyday. Which as most of you know is the hardest place to practice and live God's truth.

The concert was Tuesday night and Zoie sang beautifully! She is truly a beauty don't ya think?

Inside and out! I think she favors her FATHER.

Love ya

Pamela

I Have A Confession

2010-11-29T13:33:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
I have a Confession. I am afraid. Extremely afraid...like Nightmare Marathon Time afraid.

I am afraid of you.

Isn't that silly? (Please say it is or I will shrink up right now!)

My mind tells me it's silly...my fears tell me to be terrified.

How can I be so scared of you? I mean you are--wherever you are and I am here. You are reading this, not looking at me...you can't see or hear me over this page unless I video...which I've never done. YET you scare me!

It's not that I am worried you will not like me. Truth is no matter what you read here...you will never really know me. I could be in the crowd at your church some Sunday and some of you would not know me. I am smart enough to know that. So to tell the truth, it doesn't truly matter if you like me or not.

It's not that I have cyber fears of you stalking me or anything like that. My nightmares are not about you hunting me down in my sleep. I've taken good precautions there and honestly I trust GOD with that one...so that's not it.

I'm honestly sitting here processing this as I write it. I am searching for the answers myself...I don't know why you scare me. ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT MY FEAR OF YOU HAS KEPT ME FROM WRITING TO YOU.

God has blessed us so much these last few months. So why am I afraid to share it? HE has continued to heal my broken places. HE has taught me some deep and wonderful truths through HIS WORD...Yet I have not shared...not only have I not shared with you but with others who DO know me...Why?

If any of you have experienced similar fears, please let me know about your experiences and maybe we can help each other.

As I sit here pondering, reflecting, praying, seeking, and tapping these letters together on the keyboard and watching these words that have been hidden in my darkest place come out, I am beginning to feel peace and see some light.

Maybe, it is because I am exposing it to the truth.

Part of this started as I first confessed to you that I felt called to write more....to share more intimately...to share more consistently and with purpose and mission. After that, it seems any excuse would do to keep me from talking with you here...then to stop talking with close, nearby friends too.

OOOOH how conviction tears at hurt places in our soul. It is good. It draws out the venom of the lies the enemy has sank deep there.

Lies like...I can't! No one cares anyway! You have too many stories..people will think you made it up...too much like a "Movie of The Week" than real life. You are glorifying yourself in here not God.

Truth reveals these lies and exposed they can not stand. This may be some of the reasons or there may be some more hidden even deeper. I still do not know completely why....I don't need to anymore.

I now realize what I need to do.

So here...exposed to you...I lay my fears down and make no promises that I can't or will chose not to keep. I lay it all here my fears, my typing fingers, my blessings, my troubles, my pain and my joys...my ALL

Jesus take control of it all..it all belongs to you anyway...every friend, every word, every thought, every bit. Consume me with YOUR presence.

May I do a Nest-tea plunge into your GRACE. Then let me swim in your love and then serve others from the overflow. Your Over-flow!

Thank you for listening to me as I processed this out. Please share with me your experiences and pray for me.

I do truly love you. I don't feel afraid anymore...I'd give you a big ole SOUTHERN bear hug if I could...the kind where I squeeze ya so hard we shake. OOOPS I may have just made you scared of me! Hope not! If I did let's talk it out.

Love,
Pamela

Do I Look Fat In This?

2010-07-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

This past month has been a doozie!
I spent it traveling, then going shopping for new clothes! Sounds like fun? It wasn't!
The traveling took me back to the past where the enemy threw insult bombs and fear grenades at my heart. I tried not to go there, but circumstances and memories were too much temptation. I later discovered that it was all in God's hands. He allowed the trip to heal and free me of my tendency to walk around in a victim's shroud or sack cloth.

I often whine and lament because life has dealt me some hard blows. Then I cover myself with sack cloth and ashes, all the while, feeling like poor pitiful me!

What started this trip into the ashes was the arrest of the cousin-in-law, who molested me as a 10 year old. He was arrested in 2005 (I did not know this) for messing with his own grandchildren. He was put on probation and became a registered sex offender. The creep got caught at the end of May, picking up his grandchildren from school. So since he broke probation by being around children, he was sent to prison for two years. As the news of this traveled through my extended family, several other, now young women, came forward and admitted that he had molested them too. I had not known this before. At first I sank deep into my pile of ashes, condemning myself for not telling anyone about what had happened to me at 10. "If I had only told" became my self-centered lament. Oh...it was masked in "Maybe I could have prevented it from happening to the others" facade. But truth be told, it was pure self pity. I am so good at that! God does not want us sitting on our Ash heaps over the past! After several days of weeping and crying out to God...at last I turned to Him.

The message was clear...the past is gone! It doesn't matter today what I did or did not do then...that time is gone and done. All that matters is what I do now! So I found myself at the Sheriff's Office reporting a 37 year old crime! Turns out, because I did that...within a week some of the others did too. He is now under investigation as not only a sex offender...but a predator!

It is amazing the release I feel! At 10, this man had threatened my family's life...if I ever told...now, his life is in danger. I feel clean! That part is a post for another time...still working through that one.

The day after I reported him to the police, God lead me to Psalm 30 and took me shopping for new clothes.

Read verses 11 & 12 with me.

"You turned my lament into dancing; you removed my sack cloth and clothed me with gladness, so that I can sing to You and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever!"

A scripture song I remember from long ago, based on Isaiah 55 says, "Wherefore do you spend your money on that which is not good...Listen carefully to me and eat that which is good and let your soul delight itself in fatness, fatness! Ho everyone that thirsts come ye to the waters he that hath no money come ye by and eat!"

I have traveled, became thirsty and weary, then cried to God who feed me from His abundance and clothed me in gladness.

By the way,
Do these new clothes make me look fat? I hope so.

Love ya
Pamela

No Favoritism!

2010-06-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

We all know that God does not show favoritism...after all HIS word states it clearly in Acts 10:34-35. His love for each one of us is unique and special...and yet....He loves us all without partiality. My mind can not fathom that kind of love. The closest I come to understanding is how a mother can love each one of her children...yet uniquely!

Guess what?

Our Enemy does not show favoritism either. He hates us believers all the same! Now some of us, He is more scared of because of their great faith or purpose...but his hatred for us is all the same.

One proof of this became clear to me the other day as I watched some middle school girls interacting and playing a game together. To the best of my knowledge, all of these girls have a relationship with Jesus. However, just like us adults...come on ladies you know what I'm talking about...the meanness is still the same as with non-believers. One girl in particular who is blessed with both beauty, and a gentle and kind heart, was getting the brunt of the meanness. I watched as she struggled. I watched as her confidence became shaken and she made mistakes that she might not have otherwise made. My heart broke for her. Her mother was there and her heart too was broken for her daughter. We discussed our own hurts from being a woman in this world. We shared our own horror stories from past comments made from other women. Some came from those we knew were "Sisters in Christ." Our stories were different, yet similar. She is tall and gorgeous, like her daughter her spirit is sweet and honestly she is becoming one of my favorite people to be around. I am short and...hmmmm....let's say....oh I know....plump! My friend has always known she was blessed in the physical realm. I on the other hand, have often struggled with my looks, and felt ugly. Yet we both suffered at the words that other women have thrown our way.
We both have tried to help our daughters realize that it is what God thinks about us that matters...but we all know that middle school-ers can not comprehend that yet...too many changes and hormones out of whack for that...besides not many of us grown-up women understand it either, when those word-jabs come our way even now.

So...all of this is to say...Our enemy does not pick on the less fortunate of us, or on the most fortunate of us, or even one those of us who are in between. He shows no favoritism...his hate is spread around equally.

But that's where we can know that God too does not show favoritism. He blesses and loves us equally....just not all the same way...except one...He chose us as HIS BRIDE and we get to live with HIM FOREVER!!!!!

One more thing...for those of you who have had daughters go through those middle school years...what verses did you share with your daughters? I would like some verses to give Zoie and my young friend to use as both swords and shields against our enemy's attacks. Please share your thoughts and help some hurting mothers out!

Love ya
Pamela

No Parking!

2010-05-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

Back around Easter my family took a one day trip to Myrtle Beach. We got up at the crack of daylight, packed our car and drove the 3 hours to the beach. We were so excited to get there. We started looking for public access areas, where we could park and enjoy our day. We found one and begin looking for a parking place. All of the spaces had parking meters and Mike checked and they where $6 for the day. As we were just about to place money in the meter a man pulls up beside us and says, "The parking is free. The meters are for the summer season." Mike looks around at other cars in the little lot and notices that several are parked at meters that read "Expired." So we cheerfully parked and hurried down on the beach. After several hours of playing along the shore and a picnic lunch, we headed back to the car to drive around and look in the gift shops. I was the last to make it to the car and Mike is slamming the trunk shut. I could tell things were not so good. Turns out....It wasn't free parking and we had a parking ticket. So instead of paying $6 for the day to park there...we actually needed to pay $25!

I read a quote the other day and it reminded me of this incident.

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces." Will Rodgers

That day at the beach we were so wanting the trip to not cost us much. We listened to a total stranger and ended up paying 3 times as much. What looked like success...a free parking space...was costly.

When we let things or others steer us to parking spaces instead of keeping our eyes on the path God has for us, we will also meet higher cost.

I can attest to this. I have parked in so many parking places of excuses that have delayed and cost me dearly.

I love writing. I love telling stories. I love motivating and seeing God work in the lives of people as they hear the truths of God and shackles of rejection fall away. I love watching them fall into the arms of the God they never knew loved them so much! I've seen it and experienced it!

So why don't I do it more often? I park. I will drive a little ways taking in the journey in amazement. Then I'll see an excuse and pullover and park! Parking places that read, "Stop here. It's too hard." Another may read, "Stop here! Your too old." "Stop Here! Your grammar is too bad." While another may read, "Stop here! There are more pressing or fun things to do here!"

Parking places keep you from your destination. Yes, as we got to the beach that day, we needed to park our car...but that wasn't our destination. Our destination that day was a fun filled, worry free day at the beach. If we had parked correctly, and not made the excuses about it not being the summer season and should be free...we would have reached that destination and not had to side-track with a parking ticket.

Looking back, it still was a great day. We paid the ticket on-line and still had a wonderful time. We also learned from that mistake...which is one of the good things about parking spaces. You learn which ones to avoid!

No parking
No excuses!
I'm going to keep my eyes on the road and listen to the NAVIGATOR as HE directs the journey. Next time I park it will be under HIS direction and in HIS space!
Wanna go for a ride?

Love ya
Pamela

I Wasn't Sure....

2010-05-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure...exactly how I stopped writing here. At first I was just a little too busy with life. Then, I wasn't sure what to say...I mean, by that time, it had been a month and I had just told everyone I wasn't going to let two weeks pass by again. So since I wasn't sure...I prayed. I waited for illumination and inspiration...what I got was one word...wait. Wait? How long? Why? What will my readers think? Then one of the biggest questions, "Will they come back when I write again?

After almost two months of waiting...and waiting...and worrying...and waiting some more. I feel I have been given permission to put fingers to keyboard and communicate again. In the waiting though something strange has happened. I have pondered and reflected on my purpose for writing in the first place. So I feel like I want to share some of the random reflections and questions that have surfaced, as I sat here everyday wondering if today...I could again let the fingers and thoughts fly.

Why do I write a blog?
Is it to journal? Not really, I don't talk a lot about my day or my family..occasionally but not all the time. I talk about my family more when it fits in as an illustration to what ever message I'm trying to communicate.
What am I trying to communicate?
I started out writing strictly devotional. It was for me, I didn't really expect any readers. Then I started writing to build friendships among other bloggers...and some beautiful friendships have formed through this blog.
I even did some give-aways, told funny stories, put up weird "Can you guess what this is" pictures.
But I came back to the same question...Why do I write this blog?
I wasn't sure.
Was it to propel or advertise my speaking ministry? Well that has not happened. I don't think so anyway. I've alsways considered that to be in God's hands.
The conclusion I have come to today is that for me, this is a form of Worship. A time to spend with JESUS my BRIDE-GROOM. A time for me to invite others to sit with us as we share together the amazing love HE has for us.
A time to talk about how we have experienced HIS love, HIS grace, HIS power, and HIS REDEMPTION in our lives. A time for usto encourage one another to look at what HE is doing...to see how much HE LOVES US!

All that I have done so far in writing this blog, I believe meets that criteria....I just wasn't sure...of my own purpose.

I wasn't sure...
Now I am

Love you and have missed our time more than any keyboard can communicate! If I have lost any of you I'm sorry....but it isn't about me or you...it's about JESUS.
Pamela

I'm Still Here

2010-03-09T13:55:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
I'm still among the living just extremely busy.
We finally all got over our fevers....Thanks so much for your prayers. I was out of school one week and Zoie was out the next. So that was two weeks of catch-up work that needed to be done. I thanked God for Mike's flexible schedule that allowed both of us to work some.
So we have spent last week playing catch-up and I had to sub three days so it was a full week.
Yesterday I actually did nothing after I got home from work. Well nothing constructive. I watched a movie and read. It was a lazy day and I only half-heartily feel guilty for doing nothing.
Today I am full of energy and purpose, so much was accomplished. Still a lot to work on...please don't plan on visiting me unless you want to sit between my loads of laundry and help me unload my dishwasher.

Tomorrow and Thursday I am writing Curriculum after work, along with tutoring and taking care of a friend's son in the afternoons. I also hope to post here some lessons God has taught me recently.

Through all the business and sickness His grace has amazed me! So expect some cool stories soon cause you know I love to tell them.

I love you all
Pamela

We've Got The Fever!

2010-02-19T03:42:00.001-08:00

Hi Y'all,
Please pray for us. Everybody in the Robinson family has a 100+ fever. Even my computer is sick...it takes 3-6 tries to connect to the Internet. So only my dog who has stopped having anything to do with us is well.
More news when the fever is down and I don't feel like falling over!
Pamela

Being Still

2010-02-12T03:25:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
We are being still.
We are being still and knowing
We are being still and knowing that He is God.
We are being still and knowing that He is God because...
We still haven't Heard anything!
So keep praying for us and with us.
It is easier being still knowing you are still praying with us!
I love you all still!
Pamela

10 or 2?

2010-02-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

Today has been an anxious day because Mike's package went before the Army Chaplain selection board today. We won't know anything for a couple of days but I have to tell you it has been nerve racking! I jump every time the phone rings.

Friends, I woke up this morning filled with awe and fear. One second believing we are going to step into the Army like it is our own Promised Land and the next fearful Mike will be rejected and we will once again begin another run through the wilderness. As I'm praying, I hear a question, "Are you one of the 10 or one of the 2?"

WHAT?

"Are you one of the 10 or one of the 2? Do you believe God has called you to this promised land or are you fearful of the possible giants in the way?"

Truthfully I answered, "A little bit of both."

I want to be like the 2. The two spies who went to see the Promised Land and saw that it was good and that God had already given it to them, in Numbers 13-14. I want to shout with them "God has already given it to us! Now we must prepare to enter the land and possess this calling!"

I want to feel confident, but I can't help but notice that their are a few giants.

The 10 would say to me:
There is a giant called the selection board that only picks the top 60%
If you get past that one there is the giant task of getting your house ready to sell.
Then comes the giant of Mike being away at school 3 months.
Then the giant of moving to an army base, more than likely in another state!
There is the largest giant which will be leaving my family...my friends....my church...and my school!

These are big giants...but as I prayed and asked God to help me come down off the teeter-totter and decide if I am going to run and hide like the 10 or stand in faith like the 2...I remembered something....The LORD is your Banner. It is HE who goes before you.

That means...that even if the door is shut by the giants on the selection board God will be the Banner that leads us into our Promised Land.

It means that if we are selected...then I can know that I will not be the one facing the other giants...The LORD is my Banner! My Jehovah Nissi!

I am not a 10! I am a 2!

Keep praying for us. I'll let you know when we hear.

Love you Pamela

Sweet Sound of Victory

2010-02-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

The visual mystery has come to an end and I'm sad to say no one was even close.

But I do have a random winner it is Sharon Sloan over at http://www.joyinthetruth.blogspot.com/

Sharon is a great writer and I love her blog.

OK I know you are all dying to know what my visual mystery truly is, so lets look again at the clues.

It has nothing to do with snow or ice

It is used everyday, several times a day

You probably have one in your house

You are looking through it and it purposefully blurred.

Drum roll please.....

It is the center piece of a tape dispenser. The round outside edge is the scotch tape. The
crisscross shapes in the center is the wheel the tape rolls on. The colored stuff in the background as you are looking through the wheel is stuff on my desk: Pink and blue sticky notes and my pen holder can almost be seen clearly.

It was fun seeing your answers. I will have to do this again sometime.

It is funny how things we see and recognize everyday when they get too close our perception blurs so that they are unrecognizable. Much like when God is closest to us during grief, stress , or even times when we are stress free and things seem to be going our way....we can't always see Him clearly either. He is there.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you what Sharon won!

It is a Book/CD by George Beverly Shea called How Sweet The Sound. It is Amazing stories and grace-filled reflections on beloved hymns and gospel songs. These stories are incredible and I treasure my own copy.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
Mike and I are going on a date tonight.

Love ya
Pamela

Visual Mystery

2010-02-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all!

OK, it is time for some fun. I have been cooped up with snow and ice for three days now, so I want to have some fun.
Look at this picture. Can you guess what it is?

Here are a few hints:
It has nothing to do with snow or ice,
It is used everyday, several times a day.
You probably have one in your house.
You are looking through it and it is purposefully blurred.

Can you guess?
If you can....There is a prize involved.

I will award a prize to anyone who can guess what it is. In the case of no one getting the right answer, I will draw a random winner.

I will select the winner on Friday, February 5th.

The prize will also remain a mystery until the winner is chosen

But I promise you I wont stick you with it.

Keep praying for us that God will grant Mike favor with the Chaplain boards on February 9th. Oh My! That is just a week from tomorrow!

Thanks for playing and praying!
Pamela

Pardon My Purity

2010-01-27T19:13:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

First....if you haven't heard the news please take a quick moment and read the small post below. Then say a prayer and have a happy dance with me!

Our verse today is found in 1 Corinthians 1:30 "God has united us with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made Him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; He made us pure and holy, and freed us from sin." (NLT)

I can tell you right now...I do not feel pure or holy! And since everyday I battle with temptation and sinful desires, I certainly do not feel free from sin. I mean...come on...it's a constant battle!

But God.....I have to stop here and say those words again....But God....oh...still not enough...one more time with gusto....BUT GOD....says Christ made me pure. Christ made me holy. Christ made me free from sin.

This is so hard to believe....I am in God's eyes already free....already pure...already holy. But God...in His word says that I am. You see, God sees us not only as we are right this second, but also as we will be when we stand before His throne. God sees without the constrains of time. He sees my eternity of His rest, as well as my short battling time here...all at the same time. Because I have been Set As One with God as we studied last time, all God sees is that pure, holy, delicate piece of His matching set.

Friends, we so often think because we are bombarded with temptations and troubles of this world we are not pure. Look at the cross.....It has already bore whatever has been or will be thrown at us. We are free....because the cross of Christ set us free.

You know why I think I don't feel pure, holy or free when God says I am...because I look at the wrong things. I look at the circumstances, or the temptation, or the trial and not at God. Like two people looking through a set of bars of a jail cell...both see the bars...only one is outside the cell and one is inside. If the one who is outside never turns his eyes to his freedom and only focuses on those bars...he too will feel as if he is also a prisoner.

Look and focus on this verse, instead of the prison bars, sin has fooled us with. Christ made us pure and holy and He freed us from sin. It is not us who are prisoners of sin, it is our enemy who is already the true captive.

So pardon my purity...I am walking this week like the pure, holy and free woman that I am!
Wanna take a walk with me?

Love ya
Pamela

All Aboard!

2010-01-27T13:10:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

This is quick. I will add more tonight after church, that is when I am going to post my verse. I could not wait until tonight to let you know that Mike will be going before the Army boards on February 9th! Please pray that God will Grant him favor and he will be one of the few they select to serve as a chaplain for the United States Army!

Thanks talk to you tonight!
Pamela

What Do you Want First? The Good News or the Bad News?

2010-01-21T16:15:00.000-08:00

Hi Y'all,
I think I'll give you the good news first.

Mike's Package is complete. 2 people have to double check and then it will be presented before the Army Boards. We don't know yet if we made the February board's deadline or not....so that is still up in the air. But either way Feb or March we will be presented and hopefully chosen to serve as a Chaplain and his family!

We are all excited!

The bad news is that my computer has been acting up this week and this is the first time I've really been able to post.

So now that the good news and the bad news are out of the way, let's see what God has for us today.

I will post the Identity Bible verse at my next post. Today I want to share a verse with you that is sort of rocking my own way of seeing myself

2 Corinthians 10:12 "Oh, don't worry; we wouldn't dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!" (New Living Translation)

Friends, I compare my self to others everyday! I use my own standard of measurement and most of the time I come out on the lacking end. HOW IGNORANT!

Did I create the earth? Did I decide what is beautiful? Did I fashion myself? What about those, who by my own ignorant standards, are better than me? Did I fashion them also?

Thank you God that the answer is NO....a hard resounding NOOOOOOO!

So for today...I will not display ignorant behavior by comparing myself with myself or anyone else. Today, I am God's creation. Fashioned by His own hand!

Thanks so much for your prayers! Thanks for being my friends!

I love you all....we are fashioned by God!
Pamela

Set As One

2010-01-15T08:20:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all

I am excited about today's post. First take a look at my updated sidebar. I updated my picture with my new-do and my info is now updated as well. Let me know what you think.

Today's verse is Romans 5:1 "Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." (NIV)

There is so much here!

I looked it up in my Greek Interlinear:

"being justified therefore by faith, peace we have with God through Lord our Jesus Christ"

This reads a little different because, in the Greek, the most important word/words are placed at the beginning of the sentence: the words the author wants to emphasize. So the words "being justified" are the words being stressed. As I further looked up what the Greek words for "Being justified" meant literally, I discovered it means "to render righteous." So my friends the most important thing about this verse is that we have been rendered righteous! Through Jesus we are--- more in today's terms----presented righteous. And the peace we have with God is this: the word peace here literally means "set as one." So get this, through Jesus I have been presented as righteous and set as one with God! Can it get any better than that?

I am set as one with God!

You are set as one with God!

We have been set as one with God!

Don't that just make you want to get up and throw a happy fit?! It does me!

I Have heard many times...through faith in Jesus I am One with Him, one with God. But there is something that resonates and stirs my soul when I think about being set as one with God.

Maybe its because I like antiques, when you do not have a full set of something, it is not complete. Not that God needs us to be complete, but we are made complete through Him. Now that we have been made a set, we can not be set apart!

It is just making glorious melody in my heart that my being presented righteous and now having the peace I have through Jesus Christ has............SET ME AS ONE with God!

Thank you Jesus!

We all are now a matched set!

So until later my matched set of friends!
Pamela

Will I run?

2010-01-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

Life at our house remains interesting. We are still waiting for Mike to be cleared regarding his feet so that we can go before the Army boards in February. I will NOT be getting a brace for my foot (YES!) and am waiting to see what will happen since I put in a formal complaint regarding all I went through. Me and Zoie have both gotten new hair-do's, and we both love them. Which reminds me I need to update my profile picture. A water main broke at the end of my street this past weekend and in the course of discovering why we had no water, I discovered that our hosepipe had busted. Yesterday I come home from work, and heard a terrible noise in my bathroom. I ran outside and discovered the reason our hose pipe had busted was because our water spigot had been left on where the kids had been playing. During our big freeze here, we had not noticed. Yesterday it warmed up enough, and the spigot popped off from the pressure and flooded part of my back yard! I really don't want to see that water bill! We believe it could have been running like that for an hour at the most but still.....

Yet, I have to tell you....God is good!

I am in the process of doing a Bible Study here using verses that specifically tell us what God thinks about us. I'm doing this because I need to understand not just in my head but my heart my identity through His eyes. I can't trust my own perception in this area. If I want the truth then I need to go to the Only one who can see all truth. My FATHER.

Today, as I was pondering what to write I got to thinking about this study. As we study together these scriptures about what God thinks of us...Let me tell you what I think of God.

HE is everything! He is my CREATOR, REDEEMER, HERO ,FRIEND, SAVIOR, FATHER, My BREATH, my BANNER, my HOPE, my KING, my FORTRESS, my LOVE, my EXISTENCE.

I love HIM!

I long for His return!

I crave the day when I can look upon His face and bow before His throne. I often wonder which emotion will prevail on the day I see Him....will I fall in awe to my knees or run into His arms?

Or...like the old Phillips, Craig and Dean song will He run to me?

The truth is it doesn't matter as long as He is there any reaction based out of the love and honor I feel will be correct.

I am going to run this race until the day I run to Him.

Love you all so much
Pamela

I Saw What You Did!

2010-01-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

I saw what you did!

Hey Y'all,
Our identity verse today is Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." HCSB

Now there is a lot to gnaw on here, and I'm sure, like me, you have heard this verse many times before. Like the Great Commission, we know we are to be witnesses for Christ in our own city, state, country and all over the world. I know I have heard this verse preached about during many sermons on missions/evangelism. We should take this directive seriously and be about spreading the news everyday.

But our question for this study is: What does this say about what God thinks of me?

So I looked at the only word we are actually called, witnesses.

As I've searched out this word, I see something wonderful here I've never connected before. I am a witness for or against Jesus. In a court of law a witness is someone who has seen, heard, or experienced an event that happened. They were in most cases a participant, even if only as an observer. A witness is also someone whose signature verifies that something is true, such as the witnesses to a will or a marriage license. In either case a witness is someone who by their own omission or the courts, has been considered a truth bearer to the event.

Now, as I've pondered this over the last week or two...or more...I have been amazed at how that sits with my being. I am a witness to Jesus. I am a witness for Jesus. Why? Because I have participated in events where He has acted...either by experience or by observation.

I know and can bear truth to Jesus because I have experienced Him.

When I look at this verse like that, I am filled with awe, wonder, and pride. Yes, pride! Not the bad kind that seeks self. But a good kind that is humbled and yet honored to have been chosen to be a truth bearer for Jesus...to testify, tell and share about my experiences with Him.

So listen up!

You and I can shout from the mountain tops....Jesus, I saw what you did! I heard what you said! And I know what I've felt with you...I am a witness!

Love you all so much!
Pamela

My Own Game Of Asteroids!

2010-01-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

Hi Y'all,

Listen, do you remember the old video game Asteroids? I have lived out my own version of that game today! No, no one tried to ram me with their car...but I have been hit with obstacles today. From the tiny beam of lights (those small stuff that just flash by at you) to the big honking shapes (those bigger problems that take your whole attention and focus)...anything to get in my way from getting things done.

But my motto to Endeavor to the End is still in tact...and here is a readable example. I have not had time today to sit down and write until now....with most of the day gone...but I'm here and here it is!

I am going to start out by trying to catch you up on our adventures. I don't know if I can cover everything but I'm a gonna give it a try!

First my leg brace: I received it on 12/3 and wore it only two hours. It wasn't right...it caused much more harm to my good leg and did nothing to help my arthritic foot. The truth is, I truly could not walk with it on! I would've had more mobility in a wheelchair. I called the PA (Physician's Assistant) who had prescribed it and she called back the next day. She said she would contact the brace people, and a new and different one would be made. Given that it was Christmas time I gave both the brace place and her office a week or two, but still did not hear from either one. So I called again and left a message with her nurse. To this day, I have not heard from her. I called the brace place myself on Monday 12/28. They told me they had never heard from the PA and did not know the brace had been wrong. They said they would correct the problem right away. I took it to them on Wednesday the 30th. In all this time my foot has gotten considerably better. I prayed for healing and I think the Lord is honoring that prayer. I believe He is using better shoes, and chiropractor care to heal my foot. With that in mind and the fact that I could no longer trust this PA; I decided before I get another brace made, I need a second opinion from a Doctor. Nothing against the abilities of PA's in general, but I don't trust this one and before I change my life or put my walking/mobility in danger again, I'm going to know from a doctor that it is honestly my only choice. I explained this to the brace place and was informed that I would still have to pay for the brace. I told them that I would be talking to my insurance and other professionals, and if I had to pay for it even though it caused me medical harm, I would....but I would not be taking that one home with me again.

I did call my insurance and I am in the process of getting an appeal letter to them. In the mean time, I am trying to get a sit-down with a lawyer to see if there is anything I can do to not have to pay for this brace....that I believe was a miss-diagnoses and caused me medical harm.

I also have put in a complaint at the Doctor's office about both issues.

I've learned a lot through this about myself and the medical/insurance rackets.

The fighter/Jacob in me has come to the top, only this time I'm not fighting God! I believe He is leading me into this battle...so whatever happens He will get the glory. Whether the battle won is over the cost of the brace, or an inner battle in myself that ends up with me being more like Him....Victory will be His and His alone!

After all He is my Banner and Asteroid shield!

More later!

Love you all!
Pamela

A Very Humble Bumble

2009-12-31T12:01:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
I know you must think I either fell off the earth, or I'm heartless for not posting since December 8th. I don't blame you. Many times, I have anxiously went to blogs I enjoyed, only to find they had not been updated in a while. I wish I had some brilliant explanation. Truth is I don't. The only thing I can say is that every time I sat at the computer to blog, or even visit other's blogs...I didn't. I would look at the computer, check e-mail and get right back up to go do something else. I wish I could say it was a spiritual thing...you know like focusing on Jesus, or fasting from the computer. Nope! Wouldn't be true. I have missed my time with you...actually I missed it a lot. I can truthfully say that there were many times I sat down, with every intention of visiting with your blogs and catching up with my own. The gut honest truth is I don't know why I couldn't/wouldn't do it. It made me sad when I'd get back up without communicating with you. It wasn't depression or anything like that either. We had an awesome Christmas! The best in years! It wasn't that I was overwhelmed by holiday business. We were busy, but not overly so. In fact, it was an easier holiday than most. I just don't know why.

Which makes it harder to ask you to understand, when I don't even know. So all I can say is, I'm sorry. I missed you dearly...missed that part of me that writes too. I know that whatever hindered me before is now gone. I know the words and the motivation are strong again...so here I sit. Writing out my apologies and hoping that with time, I can once again gain your trust and your attendance to this blog.

I do know that this time away praying...no make that begging God to explain to me what was going on...has refocused my direction. Before, I was doing a mixture of journal/devotion. I had even started a Bible verse study on what God thinks of us. I think this type of stuff needs to stay. I need to remain personal, devotional, and I would love for us to study together. The difference is that it was haphazard, not consistent. Sometimes I would blog everyday, every two or three days, sometimes only once a week, sometimes it would go as long as 2 weeks. The blogs had no real set order or agenda...just whatever came to my mind that day. I believe that one thing God did do for me in this period of silence, is teach me that I have been too casual in my commitment, too random, too spontaneous.

So here is where I'm at now. I am going to be more intentional in the Bible study and devotional areas. If you will again join me, we will continue the study about our identity in God's eyes starting Monday Jan. 4th. I will continue the Bible study every other post, with a personal devotional in between. Please feel free to hold me accountable to this. I also want to interact more with each post by commenting back to you about the post myself.

I know God has called me to write and I have run from it long enough. As I sit here with you, I am beginning to realize that it might have been my own feelings of unworthiness, and fear that has kept me from writing to even you my friends. Pray for me. I love communicating with words...written and oral. I love you all dearly too. So expect visits from me and expect me to be here when you visit me. Deal?

Update: No brace, long story that I will share soon. Mike has completed having his feet looked at and we are now waiting again....for our recruiter to receive our data and complete our packet. February boards....February boards...February boards.

Zoie is doing great! Singing all over the place now. Her singing schedule leaves mine in the dust!
Thanks for loving us and praying for us.

My goal this year is to ENDEAVOR TO THE END IN 2010!

Pamela

What to Bring?

2009-12-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
I still don't have the brace yet and we are still in a waiting game again with the army. So keep praying.

Here is a Fun Christmas Question for you.

The Wise men brought Baby Jesus Gold, Frankincense, and myrrh. These represented the best gifts they could offer.

If you could be a wise man/woman today what would you bring?

Also here is a quick look at our next verse in our Bible Study
Acts 1:8

Read my answer and the study next post.
Love you all very much!
Pamela

True Green!

2009-12-03T14:28:00.000-08:00

John 15:1 & 5

I can not believe that it has been a whole week since I last posted…and that was just a Thanksgiving shout out!
My life has gone crazy since I started this Bible study about our true identities...according to God! I owe you an apology. I gave in to my feelings and my want to(s) and did not continue coming to this study every day like I should have…needed to do even for myself. I let my own emotions dictate my time instead of taking every thought/emotion under the cause of Christ. I let myself down and you down. But I committ to you now to not let that happen again.

I am receiving the brace today. This has been an emotional hurricane in my life. I shift from strong winds pushing me in many directions to floods of feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and hopelessness. Then I moved into the eye of the storm and found God’s peace and even see a glimpse of His directing hands. Today, I am on the back side of this storm. Though it is still emotionally tumultuous, maybe the worst yet, I know we are nearing the end….where the storm has past and we are left to clean up and rebuild. This time to be found stronger and surer. So continue to pray for me as God rebuilds, reshapes and makes me stronger.

Our verse/s today is John 15:1 & 5. “I am the vine and my father is the vineyard keeper.” “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me.” (CSB)

At first when I looked at it I slightly groaned….like Zoie feels sometimes of Bible stories she has heard many times….I thought, "I know this one too well…What can I learn from this…I’ve even memorized it so that I can say it in my sleep." And just as I tell her, the Father told me, “My Word is living look at it again.”
Wow!
Like the other verses, I started by asking myself, “What does this say about me?” I decided to look at myself as a branch. If I were a true branch on a vine, what would my identity be?
Nothing…apart from the vine. OK, I know you know that...but stick with me for just a moment. Take the branch away from the vine and it becomes just a stick. No longer a branch a stick! No more life comes into it. No food. No water. Sunlight, instead of giving it life, becomes its mortal enemy because the sun will quickly dry a stick out to brittle decay. There is no protection. Nothing left but dried up death.

Looking at this from where I am standing in my hurricane, I gain strength and hope. Because right now I feel emotionally spent…even hungry. Who is my source? Jesus! Not only will I live because Of Him but I will also THRIVE. As the Vine He passes ALL of His same nutrients Including power
Including hope
Including peace
Including trust
Including wisdom
Including ALL HIS RICHES IN GLORY to me!

Look at this verse from the Message “I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer.” “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation is intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, You can’t produce a thing.” (The Message)

In today’s world, where we are looking to be more green…more natural…more organic, how can you be more organic than Jesus…the Alpha and Omega?
The beginning and the end has provided for our every need. Period! The End!

I wrote this post this morning, but could not post it until tonight. I got the brace but it isn't right. I have a call into the doctor, and am now waiting for her to call back. The brace has left me with more pain and less function in even my good leg. Please pray. I needed these verses today. I am not going to wear the brace as it is, so we will see what God can do! He is my Real Vine today.

I love you dear friends.
Please comment on what it means to you to be a branch on the Divine Vine!
Pamela

Thank-a-gobble!

2009-11-26T05:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Day everybody!

Praise the Lord!
Eat a little
Praise the Lord
Eat a little
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Eat a Lot!

Today we are still free to thank God and celebrate our Christian heritage.
Do not worry about tomorrow, live in the Thanksgiving now today!
Love ya.
I'm going to gobble on over to my mom's, so I can gobble up this whole worry free, Thanksgiving day!

Pamela

Meanwhile....Back at the Bible Study

2009-11-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

I am so sorry it took me so long to get back here.
It has been a weird, prayerful....prayerful....did I say prayerful....week.
I have been fitted for my brace and will get it in about a week. It was hard to say the least, but God was there and that made it easier. Thank you so much for the prayers and words of encouragement. They have been overwhelming.

I realized something through this process. God's timing and sense of humor can not be matched. Here I am doing a Blog Bible study on what God thinks of us....our identity through His eyes. I wanted to do this to get a truthful understanding (As much as possible this side of Glory) of my own identity. So here I am in the third verse of this study, when I find out about having to once again wear a brace. Here's what God has done....He has shown me that my interpretation of myself....my identity...is completely entwined with my Cerebral Palsy (CP). Truth is...that's just a part of who I am. But in my mind...every blessing, every trial, everything is wrapped tightly in my C.P. Want some examples?

God gave me the parents I had because of my CP
God turned the heart of a wonderful and handsome young man so that he'd be willing to marry a girl with CP.
God blessed me with understanding of being someone with a special need so that is what makes me a great consultant/writer for those with special needs.
God gave me a "Normal" healthy child because I had CP.
Everyone who knows me describes me first as "Pamela, you know the one with the limp...the handicapped woman."

Okay, listen carefully. None of these are true! Yes! God has blessed me with gifts for working and helping those with special needs. I do have a different kind of understanding because of my CP. BUT! My gifts are not because of my CP or even in spite of my CP. They are because God chose to give them to me. My parents were not chosen for me based solely on the fact I would have CP. Instead God Gave them the tools/gifts they would need for me...with or without CP.
Mike did not marry me as a pity for a girl with CP. He married me because he loves me. (We talked about this a lot this week....wow! I would have landed Mike with or without CP!)
Zoie was not born healthy based on anything about me....she is God's design and has nothing to do with me...except she blesses me with or without CP. And as for everyone describing me as the lady with the limp...according to several friends I've confronted about this....not even on their radar. Would not make the top 30 describing words they would use for me. In fact, you should have seen the look on their faces when I asked! How about that?

Had God not allowed me to go back into the brace, I would not have known these had been core beliefs/lies of mine. In some ways I was not even existing, but was instead some big old wad of CP.

So this Bible study is helping me to discover a new me...or should I say the real me. As I posted last time I am a child of God according to John 1:12. He has given me that right/ power. And with that right comes every blessing the King of Kings can give His child. (With or without CP!)I will post a new verse next post.

Thank you for listening and your prayers.

Now I must leave you with one more:
We got word yesterday from our recruiter that we have once again missed the deadline. We will not be going before the December boards, so all hope for the January school is now gone. We are now looking toward the February boards and the June school. Continue praying for us and we are continuing to believe that God is leading and providing during this journey.

I love you all!
Pamela

From Tears to Giggles

2009-11-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

Question: Do you think the Beautiful Swan ever felt like the Ugly Duckling again? What about when he turned old and the wings just wouldn't work anymore?

That's the way I felt at 1:30 today.

I had been having trouble with pain in my foot that is affected by the Cerebral Palsy. So today I went to the doctor to see what was happening.

I was expecting her to tell me that I had pulled or strained some ligaments.
I was expecting to have to wear one of those big boots for a few weeks.
I was not expecting what I heard.

I have arthritis in my foot....bad! If I am not put into a brace soon, my foot will not be able to function correctly and I will not be able to walk on it.

It is hard to describe what that word meant when I heard it.

BRACE!

AGAIN?

But Lord we conquered the brace...I haven't had to wear one since I was nine! 38 years is not what I prayed for...I asked to not have to wear another brace...forever!

That one word brought me to tears.
That one word brought me back to horrid feelings in my past.

After much praying and talking to family, God used another word to bring my tears to a giggle.

It is in our verse today

John 1:12 "But to all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in His name."

As I've looked at this verse the last couple of days, one word kept sticking out to me..."right." Today in my tears, my dad, who has had a colostomy for the past 14 years, said I didn't have the "right" to complain. He did not mean I could not be sad. He did mean I could not mope or believe that this ended or disqualified me as a beautiful child of God.

I hung up and looked up in the Greek the word that halted my complaining spirit today and that has been ringing in my ears from John 1:12.

I was shocked...then I started giggling. Oh how God has a sense of humor, just when I needed it the most...He illustrates the meaning of that word...powerfully!

NT:1849
exousia (ex-oo-see'-ah); from NT:1832 (in the sense of ability); privilege, i.e. (subjectively) force, capacity, competency, freedom, or (objectively) mastery (concretely, magistrate, superhuman, potentate, token of control), delegated influence:

KJV - authority, jurisdiction, liberty, power, right, strength.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright © 1994, 2003, 2006 Biblesoft, Inc. and International Bible Translators, Inc.)

The words highlighted in red are done by me.

I have the POWER to be God's child.
I do not have the POWER to complain.

WOW!

This is one SUPERHUMAN child of God who is going to embrace her brace and see what God is going to do. I will not turn back into an ugly duckling...but I might......

.....see if they have a brace in hot pink!

POTENTATE Child of GOD
Pamela

Did this make you giggle too?

A Match or a Light House?

2009-11-12T03:40:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

This Bible study on what God thinks about us has been amazing! I have loved your comments on the verses I've posted so far...ain't God good!

" You are the light of the world---like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden." NLT

It was hard for me at first not to just accept and rely on the truths I've heard about this verse from other teachers and pastors. So much has been said about us being lights for God. I want, in this study, to ask myself what is God saying about me...you...and our Identity in Him. What does it say about my value to Him. Because this verse is so familiar and over used...I did go to to my interlinear Bible and look up the verse in Greek.

Something hit me: The first two words, "You Are..."

In the Greek this is a Second person present tense indicative verb. English slang translation:
This phrase is a statement of fact! (Indicative verb). This means that when Jesus said this about us His followers He meant that we ARE the light of the world...not that we can be...or gonna be...or was...or even trying to be.....we already ARE!

It is not what we do that makes us the light of the world....it is who we are....we belong to Him...He lives in us....We are because He is!

In both John 8:12 and John 9:5, Jesus says of Himself..."I am the Light of the world."

The reason Jesus calls me the light of the world is because I belong to Him. He is living and shinning through me and guess what.....Nothing I do changes that!

Light is important to God and us....It was the very first thing He spoke into being in our world.

I cannot stop the light. Even by trying to hide it under a basket....I will still shine...though not as bright.

But as y'all know, even an itty bittty match can light up a big O' dark room.

No matter what I think about me....I will still illuminate Jesus to the world...either as small as a match or as big as a light house! He says....I illuminate!

Love...love ...love this Bible study!

Leave some more comments here about what it means to you to be "The light Of The World."

New verse next post!

Wanting to be a light house!
Pamela

The Other Side Of The Lake

2009-11-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

A quick catch-up before I post today's verse. We heard Friday that Mike's paperwork did NOT make the November Army Boards. Our recruiter has promised us December. Pray that he can keep this promise.

Zoie came home from a 3 day field trip with her 5th grade class on Friday. She had a blast, but was missed something awful! We spent the rest of the weekend being together. I took her out to McDonald's Saturday morning for a country ham biscuit and a coke. (*_*) It turned out to be a Divine Appointment! Zoie had been struggling and questioning why it was taking us so long to get into the Army. We talked about many reasons God delays His will for us. But to be honest, neither of us was satisfied with all the "Good Christian Theology" answers I was giving her. Then out of my mouth came a new thought. Maybe one reason we are being delayed, is because we have not completed every assignment God has for us right here! As Zoie and I looked at that possibility, it seemed to ring true for both of us. Through our discussion, we began to see several possibilities and areas of service, we could do right now while we are still here. Both of us became excited and renewed.

Then last night, our pastor was teaching on the story of Jesus calming the storm. He pointed out something I had heard many years ago but had forgotten. I tend to focus on the storm calming power of Jesus. Pastor Andy pointed out the reason Jesus said they had no faith....Jesus had told them before getting into the boat that they were going to the other side of the lake. He didn't say we are going to try. He didn't say let's sail in the lake a while. He said," Let's cross to the other side." He told them where they were going....wouldn't He know...and shouldn't we...that if Jesus directs the destination...then no matter what storm or delay...shouldn't we believe that He will get us there! I once heard an old pastor say: "If the disciples really had faith...they would have laid down to take a nap beside Jesus!" Well I'm not going to nap...I'm going to look for every opportunity to serve Him here...until He places us there...at the destination He has commanded that we will go!

Now for our Identity Verse:
Jesus says

"You are the light of the world--like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden." NLT

What does it mean to you when Jesus says you are the light of the world? What do you think He is thinking about you as He says this? How does this make you feel?
Post and share.
I will post my thoughts next time.

Thanks so much for doing this study with me. It has blessed me beyond what I could ever describe.

I love you my shinning light friends
Pamela

Salty As Country Ham!

2009-11-05T03:28:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

God says I am the salt of the earth. I'd like to be as salty as a good ole piece of country ham. There's not a whole lot I like more than a country ham biscuit with a coke.

This on-line study we are doing together about how God feels/thinks about us, has been a challenge for me. At first, I wanted to get out my commentaries, Greek lexicon and my New Testament notes from seminary. So that I could post my thoughts based on the research I'd discovered.

Instead God lead me to look at the value of salt. What was the value of salt in Jesus' day? What is the value of salt today?

I was floored! In every generation, but especially in the Bible times, salt was as valuable as water. Without salt a society can not sustain itself. Kingdoms would often have to move or die out when the salt deposits were gone. Today with all of our advanced means of transportation, we no longer have to move. However, if suddenly there were no usable salt deposits...Well let me just leave it at the ...!

Salt equals life!

Next instead of looking at this new information from a doctrinal/theological standpoint, I asked myself this question.

What does it mean to me that God thinks I'm salt?

For me, it means that I am a giver of life. God has intrusted me and you to give by seasoning His love and salvation on everyone we touch everyday. He has made us preservers of life. We are the instrument that He uses to provide healing for the hurting, comfort (isn't most of our comfort foods loaded with salt) for those who feel undone and unloved, and salvation for the lost.

God could save the world without ever using a single believer....He's God! Yet...He chooses to sprinkle me and you onto others for His purposes.

That makes me feel important....needed....loved.

So today, I'm asking God to salt my world today like a salty piece of country ham! Who knows I might even start dancing an old dance called the "Salty Dog Rag!"

I loved your answers and would like more of your thoughts. This is a an amazing study to me.
I'll post another verse tomorrow.

Pamela

He Says I'm....

2009-11-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

Hi Y'all,
As I shared in my last post, I struggle sometimes with what I believe others think of me...including God.
As a child of His, I sometimes expect Him to think about me....what I think about me...focusing on every flaw....exaggerating them to guilt and feelings of uselessness.

How can God use me when I'm so messed up?

Through the wonderful counseling of Grace Life International, I have begun changing my beliefs about my own worth in God's sight. There is a handout that I received that contains 66 verses from the New Testament about what God has said about you and me....His children.

Tonight, I am posting the first on the list. What I would like for you to do is read it, meditate on it, then post a comment on what it says to you...about you. I will post my thoughts in the next post. I will post these verses one or two at a time for us to discuss and seek how much our Father believes we are worth. I am hoping that after meditating on these 66 verses together that we can all have a clearer, true self-impression and an amazing God-impression...to be the true Princesseswe were made to be....for the King's Glory.

God says I'm:

Matt 5:13
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." NIV

What did Jesus mean when He said you are the salt of the earth?

Your salty friend Pamela

He Used His Hands!

2009-10-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all

No new news yet on the Army, so I'm going to get right to it!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I struggle with what I believe others think about me...including God.

I've been to seminary.....even graduated with an Master's of Divinity in Christian Ed. So I know the correct faith terms and theology. I can quote you chapter and verse on most of the scriptures about God's love for us.
I don't question His love for me at all.
I don't question His love for the world either.

Sometimes....I question my own worth in His eyes. Examples: When I've grumped at Zoie or Mike, When I look in the mirror and see my unconquered struggles with my height verses my width problem, (*_*) or when I put too many other things in front of my time with Him. As these questions hit me...only for a few minutes/hours sometimes...I rely on my ministerial training and "my chosen to fight verses." I even go to my own experience as a mother and how my like/love for Zoie doesn't change when she truly lets me down. And even on my best days as a mom, it is so minuscule, that it isn't even able to be picked up by the most powerful scope man has ever developed, compared to God as a parent.

Alas...the fact still remains that sometimes I don't feel loved, liked or special.

This is a lie-bondage! It can only be broken by believing the Truth and only the Truth....God's Truth.

In my Sweet Tuesday's (isn't that a cute name y'all?) Bible study, we are going through Jennifer Rothschild's Finger Prints of God. It is amazing! We are on week four already and I have learned so much. One thing that I have added to my arsenal in this fight I've described above is from week One. I just can't get it out of my head or my praise.

It is taken from the creation story. Now I need to confess that looking at the creation story I was a little sceptical about learning anything. (PRIDE) Because I have written that story and have dissected it many many many many times over the past 13 years writing the Access Bible Study Special Ed. Curriculum for LifeWay. But in all those years, I had never noticed this one tiny tidbit of a fact.

God spoke all of creation into being....everything that is recorded about the creation of the world...He spoke into being...except you and me. Look in Genesis 2:7; 21-22. In these verses God formed man and woman.

HE USED HIS HANDS!

I don't know about you...but if God could speak all of creation into being...including light..but chose to form me with HIS HANDS! Well! That just puts a whole new light on what I think He thinks of me...and you.

I've decided to try something and I am hoping you will join me. In one of our counseling sessions at Grace Life International, we were given a handout on what God thinks of me as a believer...a new creation through Jesus. There are 66 verses on this handout from the New Testament relating to what God thinks about us. I am going to post one or two a week and lets discuss these together.

What do you think? Are you interested in these 66 verses? Want to be surprised at what God thinks about you?

I think we are all going to be amazed and astounded.

Love ya!
Pamela

I Need To......

2009-10-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,
I need to...

1) Let you know that Mike finally had his physical! Barr any unforeseen blood work problems, he passed with flying colors! Next step is for his recruiter to now gather all his paperwork and get it ready for the November boards. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Our recruiter's record on correct paperwork is not so great...but I'm believing that He will be able to complete this task and get Mike before the boards....In NOVEMBER!

The second thing I need to do is apologize to you my friends and readers. After my last post, a few of my dear friends pointed out a few things to me. I am so grateful to have friends who feel they can warn me of patterns, or miss-steps they see me making. God has blessed me with such friends and I love Him for this blessing. I love them for the obedience, courage and love it takes to confront a friend.

What I need to apologize for is....while I have been open and sharing about the struggles this past year, especially my anger and stress, I have not been as open about the peace or blessings that have also come. I would give you little snippets. But after looking back over my post since Mike lost his job last January....well...lets just say...I don't sound at peace or as joyful of my life a I am. God has blessed us tremendously! While I have been learning to be real and open about my struggles and feelings....because I used to be that lady with the smile on her face all the time...you know us we look like we are full of faith or just silly...I quit sharing how God moves and blesses me. How that my faith is real, and I serve a God who loves me so much! A God who even though Mike and I neither one has had a full time job since January, we still have no credit card debt. How He has blessed us with great friends and family. How we have all stayed healthy with little to no insurance right now. How He continues to provide....I don't understand it...bills being drafted later or earlier when the money is in the bank...I don't even try to figure it out anymore...all I know is that even though there are no extras..there have been no loses. He has kept us feed. And while I complain and worry and put those feelings out here for you to see, I hold back on the peace. But let me share this loud and clear....it is not the money...it is not the fact that friends and family have been so supportive and helpful...its not the miracles...its not the signs of His working...it is His presence in the midst of all these storms...that is what brings the peace. All these other things are the result of His presence. I thank Him for them all and they have been immeasurable! But it has been HIS presence even when I was complaining and fussing, writing out for you see my stomping foot here and on FB...even as I typed each exclamation mark...I felt HIM. I felt HIS arms holding me and letting me hit HIS chest. I felt HIS gentle, "Shhhhhh it's alright, I've got you." What I failed often to do is to also type this into my post. I can't be real about one but not about the other. So today I apologize and promise that I will try to be better about being real about all things...not just the good or the bad....all things.

So now I need to give HIM THE GLORY IN ALL THINGS!

Thanks for listening.
I love you
Pamela

Mad! Mad! Mad!

2009-10-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Y'all,
I wish that I could post an amazingly grace and spirit filled devotion today, but the truth is I can't. I am not feeling grace or spirit filled myself right now. I am angry!
No, I am MAD!

Mike went down to Fort Jackson last night...was sent to the wrong hotel...after finally getting to the right hotel, waking at 3:45 this morning and going over to Fort Jackson....he was informed that our recruiter had not sent the proper forms and Mike was not on the docket.

In other words...no physical!

Time off of work...for nothing.
Gas to and from Fort Jackson...for nothing.
People getting up at 4:00 this morn to pray for Mike's physical...seems to be wasted.
(I know prayer is never wasted....but it seems that way today.)

The best we can hope for is that he can get a call next week.

Here's the thing...we need to get in the Army or God needs to provide one of us with a full time job!

I fully believe that God takes care of His children. I fully believe that He will not allow us to go hungry. I am scared where He may take us down to however. Will we have to sell our home because we can't pay for it? Will we have to sell my antiques just so we can pay bills? Folks...it's that serious.
I am thinking about putting a Victrola I have dated between 1915 and 1920 up for sale. It is in great shape. Its a table top, hand crank Victrola with records. It still works!

God has never let me down...even when I was a Semester/Innovator missionary in my 20's. I was only getting $50 a month from what was then known as the Southern Baptist Home Mission Board. God provided...never got in dept.

I have to believe He will do it again.

What if He don't?

What if we lose our house?

Like Those three heroes of old standing before the fiery furnace...Even if He doesn't I will still serve Him.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Maybe now I can give grace and feel the Spirit's own forgiveness in my life today.

I love you
Pamela

A Quick Praise!

2009-10-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,
I know I haven't posted in a while. It has been because I have been working on a LifeWay deadline, fighting back issues again, and also testing and subbing at school. Really anything to make money...it's tight with both Mike and I working part-time.

Which leads me to this quick praise

Drum roll please....

Mike got cleared to do his Physical with the army! He goes next Thursday morning 5:30 Eastern Time!

God moved the wall and we are set to complete his packet.

What a mighty God we serve!

This doesn't mean we are in....we just get to make the next steps.

But we so believe that an Army Chaplain is what God had in His mind when He first thought of Mike.

Celebrating High today
Pamela

Tripping Over This Story!

2009-09-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

Here's the latest update on our long journey to the Army Chaplaincy. Last week we received word that the MEPS doctor did say that the letter from our primary physician was enough to satisfy the allergy issues....YES! But...oh how I sometimes hate that word....he (The MEPS doctor) now needed more from our physician on Mike's IBS....what IBS? It seems that 6 years ago, Mike was having some problems with his digestive system and the doctor did some tests. Nothing was found to cause the issues... so it was ruled IBS...irritable bowel syndrome. No medicine was ever given and the problem resolved itself. No further problems of this nature have happened since. The MEPS doctor is being cautious. I understand. It would be a huge problem to be in the middle of a conflict, in an isolated and remote area, and have your chaplain with....uhm...let's say...bathroom distress. Our physician did a detailed physical on Mike today and has sent another letter to the army; stating that he has not treated Mike for any IBS type symptoms for the last 6 years, and can find no evidence that he has any digestive tract issues of any nature!
Hopefully this will be enough and Mike can go get the MEPS physical and complete his packet to now go before the November boards. Pray for and with us us about this.

Now for my post.

I love stories! No, you don't quiet get it....I...LOVE.....STORIES! I love reading them, telling them, hearing them, and creating them.

One vision I have of what might be in heaven, is a large room lined wall to wall, with books of all colors, shapes and sizes. In each book, there is the story of a life lived. The stories in the book will tell of every second that person has lived here on earth, and with God eternally. The stories about the life lived on earth, will not only have the full details of that life lived out in the physical world, but also what was happening in the spiritual world. We would be able to read about every service the angels preformed for this person. We would also see how every prayer, laughter, and tear affected the heavenlies. Would that not be fascinating? To read in amazement about loved ones, brothers and sisters...unknown to us now... about how fully God interacted with their lives? I tell you the thought gives me chills! I could record the physical facts of my life...what I remember...and what I'd have to research, but to also have recorded by the One, who only forgets my repented sins, what only He knows. WOW! Just simmer there a moment and let that sizzle a little around in your spirit. Swirl it deep into your heart, mind, and soul. Let it penetrate to the marrow of your being....then think of this.....

It's not your story after all

It's really only volumes of one story...GOD"S STORY. He is the main character! We are just mere supporting roles!

That bites at my pride a little, but also it makes my spirit sing out for joy!

NOW THAT MY FRIENDS IS A STORY!

I love that you and I are part of it together!
Pamela

Ooops! That's Me Right There Beside Myself!

2009-09-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,
The last few weeks have been a little wobbly. We all have been caught in a weird game of "Hopscotch" vs. "Twister" on the path of "Life". We still are waiting on the next direction from the Army. Will it be come get the physical and finish your packet? Will it be go get another allergy test? Or will it be Strike Three Your Out?!" We are praying it is the first one! Since neither Mike or I are working steadily full-time hours, this makes our balance over the finance dots precocious to say the least.

This weekend we were both trying to balance our faith and trust in God over these issues, with the question what is our next move? We went back and forth....my faith was up, so I could encourage him...His faith was up, so he could encourage me. Several times God reminded us of His faithfulness. From having some wonderful meals provided for us out of fellowship and generosity, to feeding our spirits as we went and worshipped at Thrive church with Lisa Whittle. The message along with the worship, stirred our hearts and challenged our minds to trust the One...we gave up all to follow. Thanks Pastor Scott! Coming home we talked about how we both take back those worries way to often, and don't truly let go of them in God's hands. We say we do with our heads. I believe to the best that we understand at the time, we do lay them there. But somewhere, we hear that we need to now act or do something and that's when we take it up again. Maybe it's because like the disciples of old, we do not think Jesus is acting fast enough. Or maybe like them, we are looking for Him to do something different. No matter the reason why I take it back up, the truth is...it honestly comes down to trust. Trust His decision. Trust His timing. Trust His way.

We are trying again. TURST! TRUST! TRUST!

It isn't easy. Especially when new worries assail you everyday. Today, Zoie came home and had made an "F" on her first math test in 5th grade. She was crushed. The teacher is letting the class take a retest tomorrow. (She wasn't the only one. It's a new math textbook and they started out with expanded numbers and exponents. Actually makes my brain hurt.)

There is a verse that I have been holding onto and now I am memorizing. I actually posted about it in my last post.

Psalm 94:19 "In the multitudes of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delights my soul." NKJV

Last night I looked it up in the other translations

NLT---"When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."

The Message---"When I am upset and beside myself, You calm me down and cheer me up!"

Wow! God doesn't just want to take care of our anxieties, doubts or what sets us beside ourselves! He WILL CHEER US UP!

So tonight, as I am bombarded with the doubts about our future, Zoie's grades and feeling beside myself. I'm going to look to the one who is always beside me, in front of me, behind me, and in me! The ONE TRUE GOD...MY HOPE...MY LOVE...and MY CHEER.

MY JESUS!

Hey! I'm a smiling already! (*_*)
Love ya
Pamela

I'm Giving Up My "V" Colored Glasses!

2009-09-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

Still no word about a medical waiver from the Army for Mike yet, so keep praying. We did miss the September Board deadline but are still praying to be before the November boards.

I had to start wearing glasses when I was 16 years old. I found out I was nearsighted in Driver's Ed. class. I was devastated. To make matters worse, I could not wear contacts. I felt like those glasses just compounded to my own ugliness and would often choose not to wear them.

Over the years I have come to value seeing everything more clearer, over looking prettier. There is more value to me now in knowing the truth about small details, and having a clear perspective.

Which is why it came as a complete surprise recently, when I discovered that I have been wearing two pair of glasses!

One pair helps my eyes focus on the details in this world, while the other (to my utter shock) blurs my spiritual vision. I have been wearing "V" colored glasses! The truth is these are the wrong prescription...in fact...it wasn't even from my doctor! The Great Physician!

The enemy has been sneaky and got me to wear these "V" glasses. They have clouded my spiritual vision to see myself as a.....

"Victim"

Being born with a physical disability = Victim.
Being of short stature = Victim.
Teased and called "Crippled Midget" = Victim.
Being mislabeled by teachers as "Slow" = Victim.
An attempted molestation at age 9 = Victim.
Being called the "Ugliest girl in school" by the cutest boy in school = Victim.
Not getting married until I was 36 years old = Victim.
Having been sexually assaulted = Victim.
Hard pregnancy = Victim.
Being told we were a sterile couple and could have no more children = Victim.
Many Health issues...some life and death = Victim.
Persecuted for following Christ even among "Christians" = Victim.
Struggling with my looks and self worth = Victim.

The list could go on and on. I know I'm not alone and that many have even worst cases for supporting wearing the "Victim" glasses. But here's the thing....as God revealed to me that I had been wearing these glasses...and I decided to take them off...New Vision...True Vision has taken place. God placed on my head the correct prescription for "V" glasses.

"Victory"

I'm not only a survivor, but a Victor! I began to see how with each trial God brought with it an abundance of blessings. In each case listed as a victim above, I can name at least 10 blessings God has given me or has used me to bless someone else. That my friends = Victory! I didn't just overcome these things they have brought both Glory to God and blessings to me!

Why don't you join me by throwing away your own "Victim" glasses for "Victory" glasses and take a good clear look at your blessings

Psalm 94:19 "In the multitude of my anxieties within me, your comforts delight my soul."

Love you all so much you are one of my most treasured blessings
Pamela

Treading Water

2009-08-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Y'all,

We are still waiting to hear if Mike has gotten a waiver from the Army. I am hoping we will hear something today. The waiting is what is hard.

I'd like to share with you something I just learned to do this summer. I learned how to tread water! You'd think at my age...I would have learned this a long time ago, but after almost drowning at 16...waiting 31 years doesn't seem to long! (*_*)

I've been a little scared of the water since then. Several times over the years I have tried to take swimming lessons or just learn with a buddy. Mike has tried to teach me. The truth is I can swim like a fish in the shallow end, but as soon as I realize I can't touch bottom....I panic! I don't mean a little panic...an all out terror engulfs me and the water becomes an evil super power like the rip tide did many years ago. This has been a fear...irrational as it is...that has kept me from enjoying a lot of things in my life.

This summer, a friend of ours offered us the use of their pool. So we went often. Zoie and I swam in the shallow end, while Mike would swim in the deeper end. A couple times I would brave the deep end with a noodle. Soon though, I got confident enough to try to swim from the deep end to where I could touch as long as Mike swam beside me. Zoie too began to gain more confidence in her own swimming ability and would swim from the deep end to her dad. The last time we went, Mike tried to get me to tread water. I told him no, that I would panic. He looked at me and said, "Pamela, you must trust. (there was that word again, the one I been working on for the past 3 years!) Look, the water here is only about 5 inches over your head. If you sink you can kick back up with hardly no effort. Besides, you have already swam the length of the pool. I'm right here and there is no way you can drown." I could not argue with his logic, so I reluctantly agreed to try. He demonstrated how to move your arms and legs and pulled me beside him. He then said something profound, "Pamela, take it easy. Don't fight the water. Think like a dog. A dog in deep water makes big, slow, easy strokes. He does this to rest and use the water."

We counted to 3 then I let go. I wish I could say that I didn't panic, but at first I did and of course started to sink. Then I heard the words "rest and use the water"again. In an instant, I was treading water! It was a blast!

That is what I am doing right now. Taking it slow and easy, using big steps of faith, resting and using these uncertain circumstances to help me stay afloat. Treading water is not floating. It is work! I had soar muscles for a couple days after doing it the first time. These unknown circumstances are both uncertain and unpredictable. But, by treading with rest and faith, they do not control me. They are not pulling me under. I'll keep moving my arms of faith and kicking my knees to prayer, I'll make circles through God's Word and keep my eyes on the goal....following Jesus...even into unknown and deep water.

I love you all.
Wanna go for a swim?
Pamela

PS. Thanks for all your prayers please keep them coming.

Wanting Lies and Boulders Pulverized

2009-08-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,
This is an update and sequal to yesterday's post.

Mike went to our primary care physician this morning. He looked over Mike's records then talked to the allergist who tested Mike 8-9 years ago and both agreed that Mike does not have any food allergies. They drafted a letter to the army supporting this fact and we are praying that this will be all we need to get the waiver. Neither Dr. has ever had to treat Mike for any allergies of any kind. Mike called his recruiter to tell him the letter was going to be faxed there. The recruiter said this may or may not be enough to get the waiver. We may still have the boulder in front of us. I have started praising. I know that sounds a little crazy but it is what my spirit is telling me to do. Praise! I serve THE God who spits out stars. I sever the only true God. I serve the God who can not....not act in my best intrest. I serve The Living God...The LORD JEHOVAH. Even if my God decides not to move this boulder...I will praise Him. His way is far better than mine. He who can see and be in the past present and future all at the same time...knows where the path around, through, under, or over that will lead us to His Promised Land for us here and then on to Glory with Him. So I'm praising Him. I'm singing and shouting praises for my God to this boulder. I'll sing when it falls down like Jerico and I'll sing and shout if it stands and we are lead in another direction. Can you hear me? I'm a shouting right now. Its my war cry!

This Southern Belle is letting out a godly yell!

WHOOHOOO! that fewlt good!

Now for the lies about my writing. One of the biggest stumbling blocks I have is the mechanics of writing. Growing up in the mid sixties in a small town in the south, with a handicap had many disadvantages. One was that it was assumed that since I wore a brace on my leg that I must also have one on my brain. By the second grade I was tired of defending myself every time I made a hundred ona test. The teachers and other students would accuse me of cheating. As a seven year old wanting people to like her, I decided not to make any more hundreds or A's...ever! At first it was hard getting things wrong on purpose. But then as new things were introduced and I would half pay attention...it was easy. If you do not learn the material...well you get the idea. Soon I forgot about this desicion and I too believed that I was as slow and retarded as they thought. I graduated high school with a low "C"/"D" average.
It was by the grace of God that I even got into collage.

During my first Writing 101 class, we were assigned a one page essay. When it came back it did not have a grade on it...just a note..."See me immediattly after class!" I was scared! The professor sent me straight to her office to make an appointment with her. During that apponitment she she told me "When I finished reading your paper, I was astonished. I have never seen a freshman who could take a subject and run it through the entire paper the way that you did. Once I could read it your paper is remarkable. The problem is that it took me almost 2 hours just to read your paper. How can you write so well when you are functionally illiterate?"
I will never forget those words. They both encouraged and discouraged me like riding a drop zone ride at an amusement park. She sat down and taught me that say simple sentance structure. I was able to pass collage with a high "C"/ low "B" average. I later graduated seminary with a solid "B" average.
Yet the mechanics of grammer has always been a puzzle to me. I think I'm so sure that I can't do it right that I sabatoge myself before I even start. Even as I have been sharing this I have made more spelling and gramatical mistakes than I have in years.
How is it that even when we know it is a lie in our heads we can still be defeated by it?

So there you have one of my biggest fears/lies. Pray with me that I will get my eyes off of what I can or can not do and just beieve that the Lord Himself will guide my fingers and my mind.

I will update you occasionally about my own "Much Afraid's" adventure. So do you know any easy to learn grammer books out there?

And just so you know what I'm talking about...I'm not going to spell check or have Mike or Zoie proof this for me. THis is me raw!

Pamela

Boulders, Slipping Feet and Eggs!

2009-08-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

That path I told you about in my last post, just took a few steps and already...and I have discovered a boulder in the way the size of a whole Army! In fact it is the Army, or at least the MEPS (medical ) portion. 8 years ago, Mike had an allergy test done and one of the things listed on the test was an allergy to eggs. Well we laughed! Mike has continued to eat eggs and things that contain eggs almost everyday. This allergy showed up on his medical records and the Army has automatically given him a medical disqualification. We tried to get a waiver but was turned down. Our next step is to get a doctor to officially document that this is a non medical issue. Mike will see our primary doctor tomorrow. His name is Dr. Villamore. Please pray he will be able to give Mike the right paperwork to put this issue to rest. We need this done so that Mike can complete his physical, and get his packet to the board before September 3rd. We believe with all our hearts this is God's will for us. He is a God who can pulverize boulders. So would you pray with me for the next few days, in order that we may see the mighty, boulder-breaking hand of God move. And then all involved will be amazed at His handiwork?

I have to admit, my faith and feet has slipped a couple times the last few days. Tears of fear and faith have battled for my attention and emotions. This path I am on will take me not only into the Army as a chaplain's wife, but also into a new direction in my ministry. I'm going to say it out loud or I will continue to dodge it and deny it, so here it goes. I believe I am to write more.
This scares me. I know what some of you are thinking...Pamela, you have been blogging this devotional for over a year. Pamela, haven't you been writing Special Ed Bible Study for 13 years?
Yes to both...but both are a different type of writing. The curriculum is creative "how to" with fun takes on the Bible stories and an application story. The blog...well it is more like sitting and chatting with you.
I'm a little scared of the kind of writing, I feel God is asking me to do. I took a correspondence writing course once, and it became clear that I could tell a story, but not show the story. In other words, I speak it better than I write it!

Please pray for me as I seek out this steep path. I feel a little like Abraham, as he left for the land God would show him, not having a map or GPS to guide him. I don't even know what tomorrow's step will be.

I love you all and I am trying to be as real as I can. Your prayers are needed. Your advice is more than welcome. I'll post a little more tomorrow about some more of the fears (I mean lies) that are in my head and fingers. I ultimately want to follow my Jesus up this treacherous looking path. Will you help me?

Thank you for listening.
I love you.
Still "Much Afraid" Pamela

Walking On Unbalanced Shoes!

2009-08-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Friends,
I need your help. The enemy is kicking my but! It is little things that seem like such boulders and they seem to big to move.

I feel so much like a character in one of my favorite books called Hinds Feet On High Places.
Her name is "Much Afraid" and I am "Much Afraid."

In this allegory of a Christians walk with God, Much Afraid is attacked by her evil family every step of the way, on her path to the High Places. Her cousin "Craven Fear" and his friends "Pride" and "Bitterness" constantly assault her and torment her as she seeks to Follow the Good Shepherd up the path He has for her. Her companions on this journey are "Sorrow and Suffering."

Well "Much Afraid's" enemies have been attacking me like crazy! I feel like Jesus wants me to follow up a steep path. A hard path...but one with a glorious treasure and view at the top. However like "Much Afraid," I feel inadequate, scared, and can only see the obstacles.

I've read the allegory...my faith knows that if I follow Jesus, I will be able to make this path...no matter how hard...all the way to the top. I also know...at the top of this path, is so much better than what I am comfortable with here....yet...I am still much afraid.

I need your prayers. Today I am making the first steps up this steep cliff. My feet are shaky and I am feeling very unbalanced...like I am trying to climb with my feet in one flat shoe and the other with an 8 inch spiked heel!

But stepping I am. May God grant me Hinds feet to follow Him to the high places. May I listen no more to "Bitterness," "Pride," or "Craven Fear." May all the more, Jesus receive the Glory!

Thank you for your friendship and prayers
A wobbly much afraid Pinkshoelady
Pamela

The Giver is Now Receiving The Ultimate Gift!

2009-08-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

Friends,
In this life he was a giver!
He gave everything...money, time, compassion, prayers, advice, and love.
I've never known him to hold anything back. If he could help, he did. He was the first everyone "who knew him," called when help was needed. You knew, that if he found out you had needed help and didn't let him know, he would be hurt.

Oh, people did take advantage of him...but then...he gave forgiveness.

My friend Bonnie is now being given to, in person, by the Great Giver.
God called Bonnie home Friday night while I was at the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference.
To tell you the truth, I was torn....stay where I believe God called me...or rush home to be with the family. It was a struggle!

Every time I was at the point where I was ready to pack up my things and call it quits...I would see his face.
He would lay both arms across my shoulders or put his finger in my face and in a firm but loving voice say, "You stay where you are! Don't you come home." I learned many years ago it was useless to argue with Bonnie. You just obeyed. So I stayed.

I made it home on Sunday, after the conference, for the visitation.
I was amazed at the people. This man had loved and helped so many!
Honestly, I had always thought I was special...I was amazed....yes...I was special...as were so many others.
We all felt special to this man who could love so deeply. Many there felt like I did, that they were losing a second father.

WHAT A LEGACY!

To love so deeply that people feel you are part of the family...loved like a daughter or son!
Please God, help me to love like that....I don't. I want to. It is the way You love.

Look at the picture above.
This is Bonnie loving me at my wedding. My favorite picture....with one of my most favorite people ever!

Bonnie, receive all that Jesus has stored for you. You deserve it.
You sure gave us all His love.
I know Jesus better for having been blessed enough to know you.
I miss you.

Thank you Jesus for granting me the blessing of seeing, hearing, and feeling Your love through this "Giver"...my friend Bonnie.

I love you all
Pamela

Putting on Me Some Love

2009-07-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,
This is a quick one today but it is something I have on my mind after reading in my quiet time this morning.

Colossians 3: 12-17 In these verses Paul is admonishing the believers to "put on" the new man and not walk in the ways of the old man.

He uses the words "put on" several times as in "put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering...But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection."

Put on love? Not feel love? Not dwell in love? Put on love?

Like something that goes on the outside? He goes on to tell us to "let peace rule IN your heart...let the word of God dwell IN you richly." These things are to be in us, while love and kindness, and mercy is for us to put on? Why?

As I have meditated on this today, I think it is because these are actions for outside the body. Things we will do that affect others. While peace and and the Word of God affects us ourselves. So then, these things must play out in our inner being.

It does not mean fake it or wear it like a mask that you can take off. It means wear these things for others to see, hear, touch and even smell on you. Examples: see kindness, feel tender mercies and smell the fragrance of absolute love...His love!

What do you think?

Tonight as I head to church, I think I'm going be putting on a few extra layers so others can take em' off of me and enjoy!

Love Ya!
Pamela

A Few Fun "What is?" "What Are's?" and "What Do's?"

2009-07-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

I found this little game over at Zoe Elmore's blog and thought I'd have a little fun with it today. Wanna play? Just answer these statements by looking at your world at this exact moment.

Outside my window....is a very quiet, sun filled cul-de-sac at the moment. There is a couple flower pots with wild flowers trying to stand tall against the blazing sun.

From the Kitchen...there is a table that has a lot of stuff on it that doesn't belong. Papers and tutoring stuff, that Mike and I just had our 9,999,999th discussion on where is the best place to keep stuff like that besides the kitchen table. It remains undecided.

I am wearing....Black pants, a royal blue tank, and a black and white checked blouse because I had to go to school today and do some testing. Needed to look professional.

I am reading..."The Shape of Mercy" by Susan Meissner. It is a novel about a young Christian woman who is translating a diary from the Salem witch trials. It is very interesting and Meissner is a good writer that keeps you guessing.

I am hoping....That Mike will hear when his MEPS physical for the Army will be so we can hurry up and get into the Army.

I am creating...my conference material for this weekend. It is a Special Ed conference in NC. I am talking about Spiritual gifts and our functions in the Body of Christ.

I am praying...For my friend Bonnie's family. The cancer is going to take him away from us but right into the arms of Jesus. His family needs our prayers as they get ready for him to leave. I am also praying for my dad as he has surgery on his jaw tomorrow...a bad tooth has affected his jaw bone and they need to go in and fix it. AGHHHH! Hurts just thinking about it!

One of my favorite things...is to hear Zoie sing and worship. She auditioned for a Christian Dinner Theater called NarroWay in Charlotte yesterday. If she made it we will have a busy but wonderful Christmas.

A few plans for the rest of the week...Family time tonight, My dad having some minor surgery on his jaw tomorrow, Zoie singing at a retiree's luncheon tomorrow, more testing at school, and leaving Friday morning for my conference this weekend.....oh and finishing preps for She Speaks next weekend!

I hope you will answer these questions either here or on your own post and let me know. If not...oh well I had fun sharing mine!

I love you my friends!
Pamela

My New Best Friend

2009-07-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

First, let me say thank you for reading and listening to my heart as I shared the tragedy and healing of my "Almost Story."

This week I have been doing some testing at my school. The church which sponsors our school has been having Vacation Bible School. I asked Zoie if she would like to go. She said, "No!"

She is at that age, where sometimes stuff like that...."is for little kids and just not cool."

Thursday was no option. I had no one to leave her with while I was testing, so reluctantly she agreed to go. I jokingly told her that if she didn't have a good time I would eat a chicken liver...I HATE LIVER!

I went to her room to pick her up and Mrs. Mandy, one of the teacher's, told me that Zoie was in the chapel. "Having some God time." I followed her to the chapel and we waited outside. There were several kids and teachers praying in the chapel. Zoie came out, wiping tears from her eyes, and said, "God really touched my heart today."

Later after lunch, she explained, "Mom, I know I gave my heart to Jesus and was saved when I was four. But today, I understood more of what He did for "me" on the cross. Jesus has been my Savior and my Lord...now He is my Best Friend! I want to stake it down today!

So we gathered at our family alter (my yellow couch), and knelt together as she poured out her heart to Jesus. Telling Him about her love for Him and what His sacrifice now meant to her.

She staked it down! Forever she can point to that day, kneeling at that yellow couch and again say, "That is the day I went from Jesus being my Lord and Savior...only...to now being my BEST FRIEND!"

Needless to say I did not have to eat a chicken liver!

Is He your Savior? Is He your Lord? Is He your Best Friend? Don't you just love those moments when we are renewed afresh with the love God has for us in Christ Jesus. Can you shout with us today that He is once again Your New Best Friend?!

Love you!
Pamela

King of The Living Truth VS. King of The Almost

2009-07-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

I am back with the final chapter of the "Almost Story."

I lay there on his floor, scared and crying. I was too paralyzed to move and yet too scared not too. I didn't know what to do. Couldn't even fathom what had just happened. The person I trusted the most had just become my attacker...my enemy.

I could hear him in the other room. He was screaming....begging God not to strike him dead. His cries disgusted me. On one hand, I wished God would strike him dead and yet on the other I already knew that God loved him.

I prayed and cried. Then I got up, surprised that I could stand. I walked into the room where he was still screaming. I tapped him on the back and said, "God is not going to strike you dead! You hurt me. I forgive you, but you need help! You are going to call a counselor right now and set up an appointment or you are going to jail!" He knew I meant it. He called the counselor. He went...but I do not know if he ever confessed the truth or not.

We stayed together for two more months and stayed best friends for two more years. This is where the enemy sent his worst lie yet. Because I did not do what I had always believed I would do in a case like this, I began to believe myself to be weak and worthless. Not deserving any better.

You see I had been raised in a strong family. Where both the men and women took care of their own. The legends in our family had been of women who took no crap and were just as tough or tougher than the men. Like my Great-Aunt Hallie Mae, who married at 16 years old. They had to live with her in-laws starting off. Her father-in-law was bad to drink and then beat up on his family. He came home one night drunk and started beating on Aunt Hallie's husband. She picked up a butcher knife in one hand and then slammed her father-in-law against a wall with the other. With the butcher knife at his throat, she warned him that if he ever came home drunk around her again, she would kill him. He never came home drunk again...in fact gave up drinking all together and got his life right with the Lord. Not exactly what we should do today...but you get the picture.

Yet, I had not only not fought back enough, I had forgiven and stayed with this man. I was ashamed of my own actions. I did not want my family to know that I was that weak. This was a lie! The biggest lie in my "Almost." It was not weakness that had me stand and go to this man that day. It was not weakness that said the words, "I forgive you." It wasn't weakness that forgave him again 12 years later when he asked for it anew. It isn't weakness that has finished the forgiving and healing now. We forgive what we know to forgive and as God reveals more we forgive those also. That is strength! God's strength! My family confirmed this after I told them a few weeks ago. They think I'm strong! I know its God!

Our enemy loves the "Almost" events in our lives. Here is where he can lie the most and with the biggest whoppers! When the worst happens. We deal with it much better than when the "Almosts" happens. Maybe because it already is the worst, not something that could have or should have happened...it already did happen! So the enemy lies to us in our "Almost" by distorting the facts and twisting the truth. By leading us to feel shame instead of peace and weakness instead of strength. Do you know why he loves the "Almost?" Because he is the King of the "Almosts!" The angel who was "almost" like God. He distorted the truth in the "almost" then and he distorts it our "almost" now. The Truth is that he will never be an "almost" at anything. He is nothing.

God healed me of my "Almost" and continues to strengthen me in His Truth.
Ask God if you have been lied to about an "Almost" in your life. Ask him to help you forgive. Ask Him where He was and what was He saying to you? Then trust His perspective, His truth. Because God is truth and with Him there is never an "Almost" about anything!

Thanks so much for allowing me to share this with you. I know it was heavier and more serious in nature than you are used to reading here. I thank you for reading, praying and encouraging me. You are all a blessing. I love you.

Pamela

The Truth In The Almost

2009-07-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

It's time for as Paul Harvey used to say: The rest of the story.

If you have not read yesterday's post please take a minute to do so.

It wasn't what happened to me that hurt me so much. The event itself was terrible but could have been so much worse. There are a lot more hurting women out there who HAVE experienced worse. For me, it wasn't in the event...it was in the "almost."

To say I was "almost rapped" is an understatement. I can not in this venue describe the details of what happened. But I can describe the worst....The emotions and messages this "almost" event left me carrying and hiding for over 16 years.

After revealing this event to the Mike and the counselor, I began to feel all that had been hidden under a false forgiveness. I had forgiven Preacher Boy for the event but not the emotions and messages. I also had judged myself for my reaction to the event.

I will walk through the emotions and messages with you in this post and deal with my own judgments in the next.

After discussing these new and overwhelming emotions with the counselor, he suggested that we go through a prayer of healing. It is one that is used in Grace Life International counseling and he himself had been through it. Hey, with the out-of-control feelings and fear I was racked in experiencing, I was willing to try anything.

First we prayed and asked God to bring to mind any of the details that HE wanted to deal with and heal. I closed my eyes and sought God and immediately I recalled the event vividly. The counselor asked me to speak what was happening and then give him feeling words. What did I feel.

Here are the words from the transcript:

Scared Angry Fear Shock Worthless Hurt Ugly Numb Disgust Vulnerable Defeated Paralyzed

I was then to rate them on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst.

Scared/10 Angry/10 Fear/10 Shock/9 Worthless/10 Hurt/10 Ugly/10 Numb/10 Disgust/10 Vulnerable/9 Defeated/10 Paralyzed/10

Next he asked me what messages was I hearing about myself.

"I have to hit him." ( I was trying to fight him off of me, but could not because he had me pinned.)
"To him I am nothing" ( This was my best friend! The person I trusted the most for the past 5 years!)
"I am worthless and ugly" ( No one would do this to someone they loved and cherished!)
"I can't stop this" (I am helpless)

We stopped and took a breath. He explained that we would go back to the event one more time. This time asking God to show us where HE was at...what HE was doing and what HE was saying to me at the time. God was there...He had promised to never leave me or forsake me. I just could not see or hear Him because of the overwhelming drowning effect of my emotions in the midst of this event.

I closed my eyes and asked God to reveal to me where HE was and what He had been saying to me at the time.

Friends, I was overwhelmed! God had been there! HE was the reason this was an "almost!" I cannot share in this venue (it is too open) what I saw God do...but let's just say HE is mighty to save! And after seeing it, I have no doubt my FATHER loves me! I will share with you what He said to me after it was over and I lay in a fetal position crying on the floor.

"I am here. I've got you. You ARE safe."
"You are not worthless. You ARE MINE! You are my beautiful Princess!"

Dear friends these words are like balm to my hurt soul. I recognized them as soon as I heard them. I realized that even back then my spirit had...heard them. Here's why: When Zoie was a baby and would cry out of fear or hurt...These were the same words I would say to her. The first time I said them I wondered, "Where did these words come from? My parents didn't say them to me? Why do they bring me as much comfort as they do her?" Now I know. They were the words my FATHER had spoken to me at the scariest and most hurtful time of my life!

The last thing the counselor asked me to do was to once again look at and rate the feelings I had experienced.

To my astonishment....I could not feel them...they were a zero!

Look I know that there are those of you reading this who have been through as bad or worse. I know you may never believe that God was there or that He even cared. I can tell you that if I had compared myself to the man that did this...in God's eyes...using my own criteria....He would have scored far higher than me as far as future worth. But it wasn't my truth that mattered. It's not your either. It's God's truth that matters!

HE is there! HE was there! No matter what you've been through or will go through. I could ask all the "Why's?" there is in the world. "Why did You let it happen?" "Why did You wait 16 years to heal me?" But the truth is now that I'm healed...it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am healed. I am free from the fear and anger that has "eaten me up!" for years! I am healed to share it with you now and to others as He opens the door.

HE is here! HE has got me! I am SAFE! I am HIS beautiful Princess!

So are you!

Next post I will share more about my judgements I made against myself in the aftermath of my "almost." Please come sit with me once more as I share the most wicked and powerful lie the enemy sent in my "almost."

Love you!
Pamela

What Lies In The Almost!

2009-07-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

I want you to pray for me. In fact I need to pray about this right now:

Dear Father,
Lord I am a little scared about sharing this story. I'm excited about what You are going to do and I am amazed at what You have already done in and through this story. Please prepare hearts to read it. Prepare my mind and my fingers to tell it, and most of all, let it only be as if You were the one sitting down to tell it. In other words, I only want it to be what You want to share and what You want to be understood. May every reader understand that all glory goes to You and may they know You more by the telling of it. I know I sure do!
Thank You
Your Princess
Pamela

To my sister Amy: I'm sorry Hon for not being able to tell you in person first. I feel God saying it is time. So my dear sister and friends here is what I wanted to tell you.

I sat in the counselor's office shaking and fidgeting. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. I was to continue forgiving people on my forgiveness list and I had done the hard ones last week. My heart was pounding and my foot was bouncing on the floor. We said a prayer to begin and I started through my list. On our list we had been instructed to write out the person's name in one column, the offense in the next column and how it made me feel in the last column. I had done that to all the names but one. It was the one I was coming to today. I rationalized that I had forgiven him many years ago, so I didn't really need to go into detail. Yet, I knew that the Spirit was compelling me to put down his name...and I had.

When his name came up, it was like a switch went on in side of me and I was transported back to that horrible day. I may not have been able to write it down but sitting there in that office, I could not stop the words or emotions that suddenly cascaded out of my mouth and heart.

Today as I sit here and write this, the details are not what is important....it is the feelings and the lies that I believed that are what changed me. The healing is also what God wants you to know.

We sat on his couch, laughing and talking about the all-night prayer retreat that had just ended. It had went wonderful and we had seen some lives change and people encouraged. God had moved and we had basked in His presence. I was tired and decided to lay in the floor. Preacher Boy (because I don't want to use his name) got down beside me and started massaging my shoulders. This was my best friend. I loved him.

OK, I have written this then deleted it 6 times. Help me Lord....

Bottom line...I was sexually assaulted by someone I was dating...my best friend. I was not raped...but what did happen was against my will and was assault. I believe looking back that had it not been for God's grace I would have been raped that day.

I shared this event it detail to my counselor and Mike. I shared it with all the emotion of when it happened. Both Mike and my counselor were in shock. I had shared this event with Mike once before we were married, but not like what came out that day...not the details or the emotions.

Inside of me I knew something had just broke open and I was never going to be the same....at that time I really didn't have a clue as to just how different it was going to be.

We spent the rest of the time talking about this event, then the counselor led me through the prayer of forgiveness one more time and it was done. The chains had been cut, now all that was left was the healing.

The healing I will share in detail....tomorrow.

My prayer is that you will read and see how much the enemy will lie to us and how God lifts us up to freedom through HIS TRUTH.

It was not what happened that harmed me....it was in the almost that I was crushed damaged and abused by my spiritual enemy.

Come back tomorrow and see what GOD DID FOR ME! WHAT HE IS AND WANTS TO DO FOR YOU!
Pamela

Free Like a Rosie!

2009-07-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!

I have been thinking a lot about freedom lately. Not just because of the holiday, but more so because I have recently been set free from the bondage of un-forgiveness.

As we were driving to my parents house, I was brought to a renewed awareness of just how much freedom will aggrandize (increase to the point of praise) our pastures.

For the past year or more we have passed a horse on the way to my parents house. She had a small grass less pasture...and I do mean grass less. It was dirt, stubble and fire ant hills at its best and mud at its worst. This pasture was not very big...only about a house lot size at the most. We watched in horror as the horse's health declined in that little pasture. Soon she looked like only skin and bone. Zoie said she looked more like a camel than a horse. Several times my parents reported that they had seen animal services checking on the horse. But nothing really changed for the better. There would be a load of hay brought in but it was just stuck out in the pasture. Because it was not covered...it would soon grow mold and mildew. They had an old bathtub out there for water. That is until this hungry horse, started eating the fiberglass sides off in chunks. My family often talked about this poor horse and more than once my dad had talked to the family that owned her.

My sister's husband is a large animal vet who specializes in horses. One day about a month ago my sister was visiting my mom and had to drive past this horse. She was crying when she came into the house. She told my mom to ask the people if she could buy the horse from them. My dad talked to the family and they would not sell it...but gave it to her instead!

That was about a month ago. My family gathered at my sister's house on a Sunday a little over a week ago. As we drove down her long driveway with horse pastures on each side, we tried to pick out "Rosie." After all the hugs and greetings when we got there, I asked Amy about the horse. She grinned as I followed her out onto her porch. She walked to the end and whistled a loud Ellie Mae Clampet type whistle. Up from below a ridge came two horses. Both were beautiful! Both excited to hear the whistle, because they knew that something wonderful was in store from them from the whistler. Zoie and Amy walked down to the pasture fence and fed them carrot treats. Rosie's coat was shiny, she had filled out considerably and she was happy. She nuzzled Amy with love and gratitude as if she knew that this was the master who had been the one to save her and set her free. I believe she does truly know!

Driving past that once small pasture where Rosie had been bound to die of starvation, where she did not have room to run, was alone and unloved, where she had eaten dirt and a bathtub to survive, I realized that I too had been Rosie. Trapped in a too small pasture bound by un-forgiveness, starving my self of the trust and fellowship I often craved. Settling for dirt instead of the true food of freedom. Allowing the enemy to sting me like fire ants as I sought and scrounged for anything to sustain me. I too needed a rescuer a new master.

Thank you Jesus for rescuing me. Thank you for sending me to broader pasture, enough food and being a master who loves, cares and even gives me treats!

This week I will share the story....my own "Rosie" story. Only be preparred it is anything but rosey!

I am free like a horse named Rosie!
Pamela

Hammers, Deep Fog, And A Loving God

2009-07-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

Keep praying for us. We are still healing, learning to share the stories, and wrestling with this world of flesh. We need your prayers concerning the Army. One of the next steps is for Mike to interview with a Commanding Chaplain ( I'm not sure of the rank, you'll have to forgive me I am still trying to learn the jargon.) Mike got an e-mail yesterday telling us that the Chaplain he was going to interview with is having surgery and will be out for 6 weeks. So now we will have to find another chaplain. Pray that we will listen, discern and trust God's steps here. I keep reminding myself...God's timing...God's timing.

After worrying about this interview this morning, God reminded me what happened last Thursday. I'd like to share it with you.

We sat together laughing over our country ham biscuits and a coke at McDonalds. She did not know the turmoil going on inside of me. My heart was unsettled. I had cried out to God all night asking why....why haven't we heard? Why does it feel as if you don't want us to serve you? I know you do...but right now it feels like you are saying no and rejecting us....just like others have. I know you love us....I know you have guided us....I will choose to trust you....but right now it is hard, because I can't see and I don't understand how I can feel you calling us to do something, but make the way seem impossible.

She didn't know. So we laughed about little things. Then she looks at me and asked, "Did I tell you about my trip to Asheville?" "No. Did you have a good time?"

She began telling me the story. They had went to Asheville on a weekend getaway. She plays the hammer dulcimer. A shop there had invited them to come for a concert and workshop from a champion dulcimer player. As she started telling me about the workshop, my mind drifted back to my worries. I forced myself back to listening...."The instructor told us that we needed to let go of our grasp of the hammers, in order to have control of them. Isn't that just like life?" My heart and spirit finally jumped together as one. That's what God is trying to get me to do...let go of the hard grasp of the plan and let Him control the music.

OK, God....I trust you even if you take us to a different song than the one we believe you are guiding us to play...even if it means starting over again...even if it means....well, whatever it means....I'm relaxing the grip and letting you have control of the hammers in my life. You play Your song.

She then went on to tell me that both her and her husband had felt impressed that they should hike to the top of the mountain, where they were staying, and worship God the next morning. They planned to sing together, play her dulcimer and have their own worship service at the top of the mountain.
As she awoke the next morning she was heart broken to find the whole area engulfed in a deep thick fog. She was stricken...."But God! I thought you asked us to come to the top of the mountain? We wont be able to see in the fog and the moisture will damage the dulcimer." After contemplating about whither they needed to wait until later or not go at all, they decided to follow the first directions...even though it made no sense. So they gathered their stuff and hiked up the mountain. What did they find when they got to the top? They were above the fog! Everything was beautiful and dry! They worshipped fully and completely the God who sees above the fog!

Again I heard the Spirit rejoicing with my heart...."I see what you do not. I see through the fog. Do you trust me?" "Yes, Lord completely!" I teared up and thanked my friend for her story. As I shared with her my worries and how God used her stories to speak to my heart, we both worshipped and rejoiced at God and His faithfulness.

I got home and began to go about my day. I sent Zoie out to the mailbox and there in a big envelope was the endorsement we had been longing for and desiring. The confirmation from our denomination that they believe we would make a good chaplain and wife team.

God saw above our fog and can see above this interview.

What has fogged you in? Release your grasp on the hammers, follow even through the fog to the top, where you can worship and play beautiful music with your life for the Lord who sees and makes it all clear!

Love you all!
Pamela

Pickle Juice Is Hard To Swallow!

2009-06-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

First let me tell you some exciting news. Mike got his denominational endorsement to become an Army Chaplain! We still have a couple of hoops to go through for the Army but this is a major hurdle. Keep praying for him as he finishes navigating his way through the process. We are still praying for him to be able to come before the Army boards in August.

God has been doing a lot of cleaning and healing in my life personally for the last 5 months. In February Mike and I started seeing a councilor. We initially went because when we were looking at the church planting field, we were advised to seek some counseling because of some past church/hurt experiences.

One of the first tasks we were assigned was to take an attitude test. As I sat with the councilor to hear the results, he solemnly looked at me and said, "Your hostility is off my chart." I was shocked. But down deep I knew it to be true. I had felt angry for a long time. There were many times that I found myself gritting my teeth over nothing. I have never hurt anyone or anything....not even myself. That is not how I display anger. I apparently had chosen some good outlets in which to release my anger...such as prayer, creativity and cooking (which might explain my weight a little more.) Yet there were still some not so good outlets...such as yelling at bad drivers that I had also adopted.. Not enough to be classified as road rage...the other drivers never knew I was yelling at them. But it bothered Zoie...a lot. I had tried controlling it, but without healing of the whole underlying anger, it was not very controlled.

Through the counseling, God revealed a hurt from my past. One I still can't share yet because I haven't been able to tell my sister...and she needs to know before the blogging world does.
God healed this hurt through a prayer that the councilor used, that I will share with you later also. It was one of the most powerful and spiritual experiences I have ever been through.

The best part is with the forgiveness of the person that hurt me and the healing from the spiritual lies that accompanied this hurt....I have stopped feeling angry all the time.

Zoie and I were returning home from her piano lesson this past Monday. A car pulled out in front of me and I had to slam on my brakes...I am amazed that I did not hit him. As we puttered along after him down the road I realized something, I had not yelled. In fact, not a single angry thought had come into my head. Fear of hitting him had, concern for him had, but not anger. I had not felt anger.

Now breaking old habits are hard and don't usually just disappear. This morning I left the house stressed over our finances and yelled at two people. But it hit me that I wasn't angry at them I was stressed about our finances. So I asked Zoie to pray that when I get stressed I will remember to not take that stress out on other drivers. She said, "I will pray and I will remind you. (Big Pause) But you can't get mad at me for reminding you."

We came up with a plan. If she notices that I am starting to take out my stress on other drivers she is going to ask me a question, "Pickle juice is hard to swallow isn't it?" This will be a funny way to remind me...without the words stress or anger being a part of the thought.

Pray for us both as we try this new technique.

Because: Pickle juices is hard to swallow!

Love Y'all dearly!!
Pamela

Zoie Got a Blog Awared!

2009-06-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,
Edie over at http://richgifts.blogspot.com just gave Zoie a Kreativ Award. Check it out, ain't it pretty!

Zoie has to say seven things about herself or me that y'all might not know....so I'm turning it over to her:

Hey Y'all
Its Zoie and these are my seven things:

1) I was born in Georgia....means I'm a cute little Georgia peach.

2) I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 4 years old. When my dad baptized me, I was so scared I dunked him with me. I came up out of the water smiling and he was soaked!

3) I had prayed for a dog all my life. In fact, my mom says the very first time I ever laughed was at a dog at my babysitter's house. As you can see I must love dogs! I finally got one for my seventh birthday. Her name is Keekee bear and I love her! She is a miracle dog because she had parvo and survived it! Thanks to my parents giving her medicine every hour on the hour for 48 hours and my Aunt Amy giving us the medicine...her husband is a vet.

4) My best friend's name is Sunni. We have been best friends since 2nd grade. We are two blond chicks who try to do everything together. I will miss her when we move!

5) I was in my school's production of "The Sound Of Music." It is the junior/senior high production but they needed someone small enough to play Gretle. ;) So they chose me! One cool thing, was that the actor who played Rolf in the movie came to see our production and gave me an autograph! Now how cool is that?

6) You guys know I like to sing...This year, my granddad's quartet got invited to sing a concert at a church in NC. When they called him, they also asked for me to come and sing for them too. It was my first concert.

7) Since none of you have ever seen a picture of me on my mom's blog, I have blond hair, brown/green eyes, and I am almost as tall as my mom. In fact, I wear the same size shoe as she does. I got my ears pierced last fall and having pierced ears ...ROCKS!

Thanks again Miss Edie for the award.

I don't know who to give this award to, so I want all my mom's readers to tell us seven things. OK? PLease, I want to see how many responses I can get. Don't let me down...I'm only 10.

Bye Y'all
Zoie

PS. Don't y'all think I need my own blog? Talk my mom into it! She doesn't think its safe for me now.

A Poem For My Dad From Zoie

2009-06-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!
I hope you all had a wonderful Father's Day Weekend. We did. Mike got to preach yesterday at the church he did interim work at last Fall. It was so comforting going back there and seeing Mike back in a pulpit.
We then went to my Dad's for lunch with the Thrift family. We had hamburgers and homemade banana-nut ice cream. My mother's homemade Ice cream recipe is so fattening...but so good!

Zoie wrote her dad a Father's Day Poem that I, as a proud wife of said father and mother to the author, just had to share it with you.
Here it is (Zoie asked me not to edit it, so here is it just like she wrote it minus the art work)

How do you know if your dad loves you?
I know that he loves me because he cares
and talks to God in his prayers.
My dad is a God follower and worships God
in his own special way.
I'm glad to call you my dad because of who you are.
To me you you shine like a star.
You brighten my day as you smile
and when you go shopping you go down every aisle. (What? You try rhyming the word smile)
So I am happy to say thank you, thank you
for being the best daddy a girl could ever have.
I love you so much.
Thank you for being my daddy
Happy Father's Day
Love Zoie

Do you think she gets her writing skills from her mom?
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
I love each of you dearly
May God bless you today because you blessed me by stopping by and letting me brag on my husband and my daughter.

Love Pamela

A Nanosecond Later.......

2009-06-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

This week has been terribly busy. I've started seeing a chiropractor 3 times a week, we've had VBS this week and then there is trying to get ready to move...if we get into the Army.

Do you ever contemplate how quickly life changes? A nanosecond is one billionth of a second...quicker than a blink of my green eyes. An event happens and a nanosecond later...life has changed. I'm not talking subtle changes...more of the life altering kind. Those "I will never forget..." moments that we look back on and know that life before was sure different than life after that nanosecond.

Here are some examples from my own life...both good and bad.

The moment I took my first step....I would never crawl again.
The moment I realized that God was more than I could ever dream and gave my life to Him.
The moment I decided in second grade to never make a hundred on a test again, so the kids would stop calling me a cheater....boy, have I ever regretted that decision!
The moment a boy told me I was the ugliest girl he had ever seen in 7th grade... battle with my looks ever since.
The moment a revival pastor told my story without knowing it and I knew God was calling me to a Christian vocation.
The moment I accepted the call to go to Colorado as a Semester/Innovator missionary and work at a ski area with handicapped skiers.
The moment I decided to go to Seminary.
The moment My Granny died and my best friend Paula became my best friend as she and her, then boyfriend (now husband), drove me 9 hours home because I was shattered.
The moment I forgave my Aunt Dyan...we were both healed that day...her from 20 years of drug abuse, me from 11 years of hate.
The moment the man I believed I would marry betrayed me in the most heinous way ever.
The moment I saw Mike walking across the room at church and asking me if I was visiting....I was actually on staff at the church.
The moment Mike laid a piece of paper in my lap....it was pictures asking me to marry him.
The moment I said "I do."
The moment I screamed "Is it a Zoie or a Zachary" and Zoie let out her first cry.
There have been many more moments but I think I've given you too many to read so far.

We all have these moments. But blessed be the Name of the Lord....No nanosecond can change Him. He was there during each of those moments and will be for every other moment. We are never without His eyes on us...His hand shielding us...His heart loving us.

Thank you Lord for not even letting a nanosecond...no matter how life changing powerful it is, to ever surprise you or even make you blink.

I love you!
Pamela

I'm a Garbage Truck Princess!

2009-06-11T14:38:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!
I looked at my blog and could not believe it had been so long since my last post! Time has whizzed right by me and I feel like a spinning cartoon character!

A little over a week ago Mike and I were in Atlanta for the Chaplain interviews with our denomination. Now it is wait and see time again. We will know something after the 21st. That is when they will decide for sure. Pray that the trustees will see the call we believe God has for Mike as a Chaplain and give us the endorsement. Mike still has some hoops to go through for the Army too, so pray that they will go smooth and get scheduled quickly.

My school let out last Friday and I am no longer a teacher there. It was my decision. I was only part-time and felt that since there is a high chance we will be moving either in December or March that it would be easier on the school to hire someone for a whole year and I could get us ready to move without worrying about having to work. So come next fall, I will be subbing and doing some testing for the school...but not teaching. It is bitter sweet. I love the school! I love the people I have worked with there! I will miss being a part of the everyday climate there. But it is right....hard but right.

Did you see my title today? No, my dad does not own a garbage trucking business. Neither does my husband. The truth is that I am a princess. Always have been ...always will be! However, (Big sigh......) I am also a garbage truck!

For years I have let the events in my life gather its stinking garbage in my truck bed. I have stuffed down offenses, I have sucked up hurts, I have turned my head to tragedy and heaped more and more of life's garbage on my back to carry it along. Only like a full garbage truck, it has sometimes been caught by the wind of life and has spewed out onto others that are passing by. Many times, I have flipped a little out on a passing driver who did not drive like my policeman daddy taught me to drive. Or better yet, it has spilled over onto my family since they are always around and don't seem to mind too much. I've rationalized this by saying, "Oh! They know me and know I didn't mean to hurt them. They are family and they are safe. They know I love them." But my garbage would spew or fly at them and anyone who got too close everyday until I have officially become a self proclaimed garbage truck princess!

AHHHH! But you see last Tuesday in counseling, I let the Garbage Truck King clean out my truck! He isn't like me. He doesn't keep heaping garbage on his back. His garbage doesn't even belong to him! He collects other's garbage and instead of carrying it around to dump someplace else...do you know what he does? He burns it up right there! There are not even ashes left! No remnants or even the odor of garbage! Truthfully, there is not even a smell of the smoke! Nothing! Well, one thing is left....can you believe this....bright white clean...with the fragrance of forgiveness and love.

Many times I have come and placed part of my garbage with this King. But this past Tuesday he wanted the hidden messiest stuff. He went after a memory...a horrible memory that I wanted no one to know about. A memory I didn't want to believe even happened. A memory I had buried in the darkest corner of my truck bed. I had covered it with years of other garbage. But the Garbage King wanted to clean that corner. And BOY HOWDY did He ever clean it out.

I will share this story with you soon. Because now that it has been cleaned, the King told me I had to share it with others so He can clean out theirs too. But first I want you to pray for me as I share it with my family first. They need to know first. Pray also that I will go everyday to let the Garbage King clean out more so that neither I or my spiritual enemy will try to fill it up again.

One last note....Thank you Jesus for being my Garbage King and cleaning out all the garbage in my life. Thank you for desiring your princess to be a Limo not a Garbage truck! I love You!
Pamela

Limitations

2009-05-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

Limitations!
I hate them!
Don't you?

This post comes out of the urge to ask for your prayers on several things for us right now. Things that involve limitations.

First is my mom. She had surgery Wednesday on her neck to help her vertebrae not press her spinal cord. The condition was putting limitations on her arms and legs. Pray for her as she recovers and gains back mobility this limitation caused. Another temporary limitation has been placed on her during her recovery time, that needs a prayer word from you. She can't drive for 5-7 days. She is an active person and this is not going to be easy on her at all. It also brings me to the next prayer request.

Mike and I are gong this coming Monday -Wednesday to interview with our denomination concerning him becoming an Army chaplain. Zoie still has school and will be staying with my parents. My dad will take her to school every morning and my mom will pick her up. It will barely be 5 days but she got permission to drive only to the school and back. But please still pray. Pray that Zoie will be a help during this time they have togethern and not add to or become frustrated by mom's limitations.

Lastly, pray for the limitations that Mike and I have discovered are on us both because of unforgiveness that resides in our hearts. We are going through God's training and redirecting right now in our thoughts and heart beliefs. It is painful but good. I can't wait until I am on the other side and can share with you completely. For now pray with us!

Thank you
We love you all!
Pamela

Canceling The Payback

2009-05-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

It has been an interesting week. You know if somebody decided to secretly film my life and put it on TV as a reality show, no one would believe it wasn't a soap opera!

OK, so maybe it isn't that bad, but I would love having one week of carefree time...I'd settle for one day!

I'm not going to bother you with details, just pray...everything is minor but piled up!

Onto my thoughts about payback.

God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness lately. He has shown me that although I follow the steps of forgiving someone and even say I forgive them. Although I ask God to forgive them and even try and reconcile when it is appropriate to do so, I have found that I have still not forgiven. I could not understand this. I have prayed for years asking God to help me forgive. I finally came to the wrong conclusion that forgiveness must be something you keep having to do until one day it just sticks. Like memorizing math facts. But then, something new would pop up and wham-o! I would realize anew the unforgiveness that was in my heart. I knew that something was missing! There was something I wasn't doing or needed to do to make forgiveness complete.

I'm so excited....God revealed it!

So...most of you may know this but I promise I did not!

True forgiveness means there is no need for payback! In fact true forgiveness means I ask God to wipe away the entire account....just like He did for me!

I finally got it! The account is wiped clean! I would say that I forgave that person but still expect some consequences or payback. I wanted either an apology (And lets be honest do we really get all those we deserve...or even give them?) or I wanted the person to get punished. But that isn't how God did my sins! He wiped the account clean. There isn't a ledger of past sins that are just marked forgiven...with God there is no ledger at all! Everyday starts a new account! Now....I am NOT GOD! But I can ask that He wipe the ledger clean for the ones who owe me. That is forgiveness!

Check out the parable in Matthew 18: 21-35. This is the story of the debtors. Read it with this in mind...as you know the king is God. You and I (Believers) are the 1st debtor. I heard recently that this man's debt was so big that it would have taken over 200,000 years to have payed it back. The truth was that just like you and me this man could not payback what he owed. We can't payback God with enough sacrifices to settle our sin accounts either. When the King had compassion he wiped the debt clean. (I had somehow thought that he allowed the man to begin paying it back) But it states clearly the debt was forgiven. Then the debtor left the Kings presence and demanded payment from a man who owed him much less. He punished this man both physically and punitively by putting him in prison. That too is me. I want punishment/justice from those who truthfully owe me far less than I have ever owed God.

So I have started going through my list of unforgiven people and been canceling their debt. Leaving the account to God not me.

This does not mean that I now run into the person's arms or place myself in harms way. It does mean that I am now free and they do not owe me anything!

I'll write more on this later I'm sure...this thinking is new to me...so I know more insight is sure to come.

What do you think? Am I the only one who has struggled with this?
Let's talk!
Pamela

An Invitation

2009-05-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

Do you like getting invitations? I do. We recently got a wedding invitation from a friend and it was beautiful. Crisp black and white with black ribbon and lettering. The elegant and joyful look of it makes me want to go to the wedding. Even though I do not know the couple well, I want to attend the festivities because of the invitation.

I like party invitations too. Hmmmm, if I'm really honest I just like being invited.

When I was in Seminary, I had a friend who would often call me at 2:00 in the morning to go get coffee and a hot doughnut at Krispy Kreme. (At that time I could do that and not worry about it. Now, just a lick would add 8 inches to my hips.) As soon as the phone would ring I'd jump out of bed and say, "I'll meet you downstairs." I never turned that invitation down. Not because I was a big doughnut fan, but because I was asked, included and loved my friend's company.

I have rarely turned down invitations. I have had to as an adult with responsibilities, but it is still always hard. I like pleasing people. I like feeling wanted and needed.

But there is a line.

I can remember one invitation that I turned down that cost me my best friend at the time. I was in high school. My friend K and I were inseparable. She lived in my neighborhood and if we were awake we were together. Now, we did have other friends and did things with other people on occasion.
K said she was going to throw a party at her house. I was one of the first people she invited, and I was excited about the party. Then she invited some kids that were into drugs and drinking. She said that her mom was cool with them drinking there, as long as it was at her house and no one would drink and drive. This bothered me or rather, tormented me! I didn't drink or even want to try it. My over-active good-girl-gland was waging a war with my wanting to be included and attend this party. It was illegal for kids our age to drink. I had seen my older cousins in drunken states and it had been disgusting. I did not know what to do. So at first I lied...made up an excuse not to go. Unfortunately, I wasn't very good at lying and K soon found out. I had to tell her about my reservations for not wanting to come and take part. She begged...we wont ask you to drink....but I couldn't do it. I couldn't go or even be at her house when I felt what they were doing was wrong. Our friendship ended that day.

I can't say I handled it right. I believe my convictions were right but as a insecure teen, I don't think the way I presented my case was right. K felt judged. I felt left out and alone. I have learned a lot since then, about how to say no to an invitation without the other person feeling judged.

Mike and I received an invitation this week that we can not say no to. It is an invitation to come and spend three days with our denomination's endorsement board for Army chaplaincy. We are excited because this is one of the most important steps in our pursuit of becoming an Army Chaplain family. The big interview! It will be June 1-3 so we are asking for your prayers. We have already accepted the invitation and plans are now settled. Pray though that our words will be filled with wisdom, grace and passion. Pray that God's plan for our lives will be revealed not only to us, but also to the one's who's endorsement we are seeking. This invitation will change our lives no matter which way it turns out.

There is another life changing invitation that is put to everyone. It is the invitation of Jesus Christ. Have you gotten that invitation yet? Have you received His love-gifts of salvation and eternal life with Him? You can....consider yourself now invited!

Love you!
Pamela

I'm A Mom!

2009-05-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a Mom

I'm a mom because I have birthed a child...a beautiful little girl...10 years ago tomorrow!
Happy Birthday my dear Zoie.
I know I'm a mom because my heart aches for her hurts, in a way it has never ached for my own.
I know I'm a mom because there is nothing I love more than sneaking into her bedroom at 4:45 each morning and waking her to ask her if she wants to come to my bed and snuggle with me for another hour.
I know I'm a mom because my prayer knees are getting much more calloused from all the times I've spent praying even over lost toys, or friends who have said mean things.
I'm a mom because I believe it is much more important to raise a child who loves and fears God in the Biblical way, than to be her best friend and give her everything she wants.
I'm a mom because I have cried after having to follow through with a punishment even when I knew it was for her best.
I'm a mom because I find myself stronger, taller, and meaner when it comes to taking care of hurt knees, feelings, and big mean Wully-boogers!
I'm a mom because there is nothing too big to either let go of or fight for her good.
I'm a mom because I don't even mind the yucky things like snotty noses and throw-up when my daughter is sick. And that's saying a lot for this priss-pot.
I'm a mom who loves to play dress-up but won't let her 10 year old wear real make-up...yes, Zoie... you only have two more years!
I'm a mom who loves my child's father and if put in a situation by said daughter on choosing sides between the two of them...she already knows, Dad wins... and in the long run she does too.
I have not been blessed with a quiver full of children like I always wanted.
I could only have one...technically by earthly standards she wasn't supposed to be conceived..HA! Praise God, we have a mighty Creator who deemed me a mom no matter what science says!
I'm a mom! I'm proud of it! I love it! There are days when it wrenches my heart out! There are days when my patience is tried and my frustrations are high! But more over there are days when the joy, laughter, hugs and kisses are blessings that bring me straight to the throne of God and there, I shout with all praise...
I'm a MOM!

No better way to celebrate a birthday, and my 100th post!
Love Pamela

Nashville Bound

2009-04-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

I am so excited. I am leaving tomorrow for Nashville. It is the time of year for my writer's conference at LifeWay. I will be given my next assignment for curriculum, brainstorm ideas, work hard on activities and outlines, learn new methods and strategies, stay in a nice hotel, eat great food, but best of all, I get to see friends I usually only get to see once a year!

My mom is driving out there with me. Mike usually goes but he doesn't have time off, so my mom is going. We are planning on hitting some of the great outlets and shopping centers along the way. Yay!
Pray for us as we travel and as I work hard at the conference. Pray that God will fill us with His ideas and not settle for what has worked before. Pray that through all the writer's efforts lives will be changed and Jesus will get the glory!

A quick note on the chaplains retreat: It was wonderful! We got to tour Fort Jackson. This is where Mike will go to school when he gets in. We got to meet other chaplains, and their spouses.
We heard their stories...both encouraging and honest about the good and the bad of being chaplains. Lots of information! All encouraged us even more that this is the plan God has for our family. When they started sharing about deployment and that Mike will be in harms way, I would have thought that this would have scared me to death. I have always had an over-active fear of loosing Mike to death. But as I heard of the chaplains who have lost their lives and of the probability of Mike being in harms way, I felt enveloped in peace. That unexplainable peace. I know everything, no matter the outcome, will be OK. We left there encouraged, strengthened, and fortified. Thanks for praying. We are still waiting to be appointed by our denomination, so that we can move forward to Chaplain's school.

One last note: I would like your thoughts on a quote from a Pastor friend of mine from Tampa Florida. I will blog more about my thoughts on it when I get back next week. For now, let me know what you think.

Bill Craig: Here's a thought: The church has been so concerned at not making waves in order to draw in people, that our ocean has begun to recede being filled with biblically illiterate and soft core bodies, making this theological recession far more earth shattering than the ecological signs of global warming or the economic signs of depression. It will take biblical literacy and repentance to allow us to see revival.

Deep huh?

Love you thanks for sticking with me and praying with us.
Pamela

God of Yesterday is Our Same God of Today!

2009-04-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

Do you still believe in the miracles of the Bible?
I'm not asking you if you believe they did happen...no, instead I'm asking you if you believe they still do?

I do!

Here's an example:

My friend Lynn's son Jason from my last post.....

Came home from the hospital yesterday! Tuesday night he was in neuro ICU...Wednesday night home and resting!

The God of healing yesterday, today and tomorrow!

I hope to catch you up on us and our weekend retreat tomorrow.

For today...

I just didn't want to take away from the miracle...Praise our Mighty Healing God!

Pamela

Please Pray... A Sister Needs You

2009-04-21T03:10:00.001-07:00

Hey Y'all,
This was not what I intended to post about today. I wanted to tell you about our weekend visiting Fort Jackson...But God has other plans.

Please pray for my friend Lynn at Somewhere in the Middle http://lynnpolksblog.blogspot.com

Her son was in a car accident and is in the Neuro ICU with bleeding on the brain. He is somewhere in his late teens early twenties. Please pray for Jason.

I do not know the details. I got an email about it yesterday from another lady in our Bible study. Lynn graciously opens her house every Tuesday for us ladies to study God's Word together and laugh a little too.

I felt compelled by the Spirit to ask you to pray today...so friends let us pray fiercely!

Thank you,
I'll update you soon.
Pamela

A New Adventure

2009-04-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all!

Mike and I are heading out today for a Military Chaplain's retreat/conference close to Fort Jackson. We will get to tour Fort Jackson..this is where Mike will be in Chaplain/officer's school hopefully in September. Maybe sooner.

We are excited and a little bit anxious as well.

Pray for us.

Looking forward to sharing this adventure with you next week.
Pamela

The Easter Message

2009-04-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year! The day we celebrate the RISEN LORD JESUS!
Can't you just imagine...Oh to have been the angel that was commissioned to roll away the stone, or Mary Magdaline when He said her name.

There are two quick Easter stories I must tell you. I wasn't going to. I did not really want to post today. But I must tell both...I am compelled. So sit back and read them carefully because someone who reads them needs to hear them....hummmmm...It could even be me.

It was Palm Sunday. I had been helping a local church start a Special Needs Ministry. A group of adults with special needs had been coming to the church from a local institution. I sat behind them in the pews. Another leader sat with them in front of me.
This was a quiet church. A reverent place. A Holy place. The pastor a soft spoken man was delivering His message on the cross. It was very still and quiet. Then understanding broke through. One of the ladies in front of me came to realize just what the pastor was saying. She jumped to her feet grabbed her head with both hands and screamed, "Oh NO! They've killed my Jesus!" Gasps of fear filled the once quiet room. Then silence again as we held her and guided her back into her seat. Telling her it was OK that Jesus was alive, in as quiet a whisper as we could speak. The pastor who had been in shock, composed himself and added to his sermon the fact that Jesus rose on Easter Sunday morning. Everything went back to normal...except for her soft sobs. I sat there looking around the room and smiled....The truth is that although the pastor preached that Sunday Morning...She gave the sermon.
Why do I not feel that upset about the cross? It was for my sin He chose to go there...to die there. Have I heard the story so many times that I skip over the tragedy of the cross to the hope of the cross? It takes both. The tragedy of my sins and yours nailing Him...suffocating Him...turning the Father from Him. The Hope of the cross is that the very blood that makes this death a horror, also cleanses it to glorious whiteness. The empty tomb is the symbol of the defeated cross...the hope of the cross...the eternity of the cross. My Jesus did die there, but He took my sins...covered them with His blood and walked out of an empty tomb so that I could live with Him forever.

The second story is about the truth after the cross. I was on my way to church. I was to preform a monologue of Mary Magdaline. I had been praying about this performance and asking God to help me see, hear and experience what she might have felt there at the tomb. I mentioned to Him that I was a little jealous of her. After all, she got to actually touch Him, eat with Him, hug Him, Hear His voice call her name. As I said these words, my heart became more jealous and a little agitated that I would have to wait for His return to feel Him. Then new words swept over my mind and heart..."My dear Pamela, do not be jealous...yes, Mary got to experience my touch, and hear my voice...but my dear child...I live in you...you can feel me in a far greater way than that! You know my voice, you know my touch, I live inside you...my dear child we are one!"
Wow!

So this Easter...remember the cross...remember the empty tomb...remember He lives inside you and you are one with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!

I love you Happy Easter!
Pamela

Old Friends Good Times

2009-04-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all,

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've posted. Life this time of year is crazy for me. There is lots of testing done at school. I've added students both at school and at home tutoring. I'm working hard at finishing up my curriculum. And of course this time of year there are many programs and celebrations concerning the cross and resurrection of our Lord Jesus! I hope to get back to you friends on a more consistent bases soon. Keep watching your blogs and checking this one. My "Anything Pad" I keep with me all the time, has lots of post ideas written down. So keep watching you should see some new stories soon.

Today has been a day of reflecting on friendships.

My friend Bonnie (the one with the rare cancer) has been taken off the Harvard study. It wasn't working, in fact, the cancer has grown and spread. Please pray. This is hard to deal with. For those who don't know the story, please take a moment and read here http://pinkshoelady.blogspot.com/2008/12/one-of-my-favorite-people.html

They have been told there isn't much they can do. It may be time for God to call this great man home....but I'm still praying that this is just further proof that God can heal the impossible. I'm praying that just like Lazarus, where all hope was lost, God will heal his friend. I know Bonnie is a friend of God! One look at his life tells me that. So pray with me until God reveals His plan. If it is time to take His friend home...so be it. If it is time to show the mighty healing power of God...so be it. God knows what is best for His friend. He knows what's best for me too!

Today, I also got to have coffee with a friend and mentor from my childhood. She was a Sunday School teacher in my church. Her heart for God always challenged me to love and serve Him more. Zoie went with me to meet her and we had a great time. Zoie even sang for her! It was great catching up and hearing her say she would be praying for us, as we are seeking to enter the military. For those who may have missed this, Mike is going through the process of becoming an Army Chaplain. Seeing and talking to Mrs. Faye was a blessing beyond measure today. Memories were shared along with updates and dreams. It is amazing to me that there are people in your life for whom time does not truly seem to exist. Not that time isn't there and we don't age...but it doesn't make a difference in our love, care or comfortability with each other. Even though it has been over 20 years since I saw Mrs. Faye, it felt like I had just been with her yesterday. God is like that!

My last friendship reflection comes from the perils preteen girls suffer in all their girl drama!
Zoie has been giving me daily reports of her own girl drama episodes the last couple of weeks. As her mom, I would love to brag and tell you she was the angel in all this drama....but alas, that would be a terrible lie!
She has been more like the spoiled diva! I have seen every signature trait of the mean girl in the movies in my daughter these last couple of weeks. Every day she has relayed the stories, knowing that I was going to tell her what she needed to change about herself, in order to be a good friend. I also listened to her own perceptions of why she felt she needed to act that way. She was not alone in her mean girl attitude. So along with the sympathy, came the rebuke about her own actions.

No matter what biblical direction I pointed to on friendship, I would hear..."I can't! You don't understand! I can't be friends with her! I don't want to be friends with anyone who is friend with her! I HAVE TO GET HER BACK FOR STEALING AWAY MY FRIENDS!"

I prayed! I pointed to scripture! I listened and hugged and agreed that it was not right what the other little girl had done. Nothing worked...well except the prayer...God stepped in...I so love it when He does that...especially because then I can't take any credit!

God gave us both the verse Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men." NKJV

Live at peace with all men! So Zoie called her friends and apologized for her actions. She told them about the verse and now they are, all but one, trying to live by that verse together! I watched with amazement. She has even been able to testify to some adults how that verse has helped her with the girl drama!

Friendship! A wonderful thing! I have truly missed being with you my friends! Thanks for allowing me to share with you and be apart of your lives.

There is no greater blessing here on earth than friends!
your friend Pamela

Let's Build The Church

2009-03-26T02:51:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,
Thanks so much for praying for my conference last weekend. It went great! If any of you ever get a chance to go to the North Carolina WMU Extravaganza...Go!

Before I share a few highlights, I wanted to explain a little about the kind of conferences I have been doing the last couple of weeks. I do two kinds of speaking. One is for Women's groups and you can read some of the topics here to the right. The other kind of speaking is through LifeWay. I speak/teach/train church teachers and leaders about how to either start, or enhance a Special Ed ministry in their churches. It is a much needed ministry and is affecting our churches more and more. I love helping churches start this ministry and I love encouraging and spurring on those who have been doing it all along.

This was the type of speaking I did the last two weeks. In Miami it was a an Associational Training. I led two breakout sessions, one on how to start a ministry and the other on creative ideas to enhance the ministry. The teachers I worked with there are dedicated servants and we shared and challenged each other with ideas and dreams.

The breakout session with the WMU of NC at Ridgecrest was on How To Teach learners With Special Needs About Missions. Here we shared the "why we should"...and practical and creative ideas to use in missions education.

I love this ministry. I have heard stories that have made me cry...like the man who came up to me at one conference and asked if I could help him. He told me of a family that had come to their church, with a boy in a wheelchair who hollered out a lot. He was the Chairmen of the deacons at the time and they had asked the family to leave...because it was disrupting the worship time. He told me this while tears are running down his face...saying, "That was wrong and we don't ever want to do that again...can you help me?"

But this story is my favorite so I will close with it:

A preschool teacher was just starting her Sunday School class, when a young boy came to the door. The teacher right away could see that this was going to take some special effort. The boy was missing his right arm. So she quickly looked at her activities and knew how to help him have a great time. The time flew and the boy, Johnny, had a wonderful time. As they sat in a circle, the teacher could see that that they had just enough time for one more song or activity. What had they not done? Oh! "Let's build the church!" she said. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she felt terrible. Johnny couldn't do this finger play. What had she been thinking? She could not even look in his direction. Slowly she lifted her head and what she saw was the true church at work...for you see little Susie had taken her right hand and grabbed Johnny's left hand and together they were building the church!

Lets build a church!
Pamela

Coulda-Shoulda-Woulda!

2009-03-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,

First---Please pray for me again this weekend. I leave tomorrow afternoon to do another conference near Asheville. It is a NC--WMU conference held at Ridgecrest Conference Center. I am both excited and nervous. Also, Zoie has been sick this week with some sinus stuff. She is suppose to do a devotion in chapel tomorrow morning for the 4th-6th graders at her school. That is---if she can go to school tomorrow. It is so hard to leave with her not feeling so good. But I'm leaving her in good hands...God's first...Mike's second...and my Mom's third. Your's too as you pray for us.

Now to my story.

Have you ever had a situation arise where after it was over you came up with the perfect words. A Coulda said this...Shoulda said that...then this Woulda happened....kind of thing.

This happened to me this past weekend. I had a confrontation with a friend. It left everyone involved upset and on edge. I know the words I spoke were from the Lord. I know because it wasn't what my flesh wanted to say. As I spoke the words my flesh is fighting hard and at the end started to gain back the control it wanted. Just at that moment, another person directed by God stepped in and I was hushed before I stated what was on my fleshly mind. I know that the words spoken in the Spirit brought peace and truth to the situation. For that I am so grateful to the Holy Spirit!

Then came the hard part! Speaking the words of the Spirit is sometimes easy....living it is hard. For several days afterward I lived in the land of Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda. It made me doubt if the words I did say were of the Spirit. What if I shut up too soon? What if I had said this...? Even scripture poured into my mind that I shoulda said! Woulda said...if I had not been interrupted. These woulda been good things to say. Woulda also been the truth. Coulda made more people aware of the truth.

Thank God...He stepped in and taught me a new truth. He used the Garden of Eden. The tree that Eve swiped the forbidden fruit from was not called....are you listening?....This is important...it was not called the "Tree of the Knowledge of Evil." That's what we focus on. The Knowledge of Evil! It is called, "The Tree of The Knowledge of GOOD and Evil." Oh...how often I have bitten of that tree! I take a bite of the good fruit instead of God's fruit. I so know how to be good. I soooo want to be good. I often mistake being good for being in right relationship with God. But the good of that tree is good apart from God. Did you get that? The good fruit on that tree separated Adam and Eve from God. It separates my fellowship from God.

Folks, being good, doing what is good, saying the right things and even being right about things...all seem good. But if they are apart from God then my good...Yes...even my best is still just a clanging gong...filthy rags.

In my situation this past week, the coulda, shoulda woulda's that I would have said and done would have been good. They would have been the truth. They would have even been Biblical. But they also woulda have been wrong....because they were not from God. No matter how God-like they would have looked.

Thank You God for stopping me. Thank you that I did not get the chance to say or do the coulda, shoulda, woulda's! I don't know the outcome of this situation. But this I know....God was there...God was in control...I was about to mess it up...by doing good.

No more coulda, shoulda, woulda's....no more good apart from God! This means I need to even test the good against God's wants and desires. For only HIS GOOD is truly good!

Love you guys!
Pamela

Miami or Bust!

2009-03-16T05:14:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,
Thanks so much for praying for my conference in Miami. You wont believe what God did!

OK...so I woke up Friday morning over-come with anxiousness and dread...I did not want to get on that plane....I did not want to rent a car (I don't think I told you but I had never rented a car before)...I did not want to drive around in a city like Miami by myself! It was bad!

I prayed with my family before taking Zoie to school. I prayed with Mike before we left for the airport. I had been talking to God all morning...not listening mind you...yammering and complaining about how scared I was to do those things.

When we I checked in for my flight at the airport, I noticed that I did not have a seat assigned to me. This made my anxiety and blood pressure go way up. It is one thing to want God to let me change my mind about going, but it another to tell me I can't go! Mike and I had about an hour and a half before my plane was to leave so we sat down. I was so upset and anxious that Mike again prayed with or rather for me. He prayed that God would send someone to help calm my fears and that I would be able to enjoy the flight. I couldn't sit there any longer, so I told him I needed to head on to the gate and see about getting a seat on the plane. He walked me over to the security line, then walked over to a spot where he could watch me go all the way through.

As I neared the head of the line I looked up to look at him again for reassurance, there was a woman standing beside me in my line of view.

Y'ALL IT WAS LYSA TERKEURST! I couldn't believe it! I called her name and she looked up and said, "Hey There! We exchanged "How are you's?" and "Where are you headed?" questions before we had to separate to go through the security rituals. As I am putting back on my shoes, she walks up to me and asks about the conference I would be doing in Miami. She then asked if I was excited. I told her I was excited about the conference but that I really hated flying.
I also couldn't believe she remembered me, but she did...the pink shoe Lady!
Lysa asked if she could pray for me and she did right there. I was so touched by her prayer...her giving heart...and the encouragement and kindness she showed to me. Needless to say I knew that this was a God moment. His love coming through someone whom I admire so much.

I went on to the gate and sure enough they had booked 153 people for a plane that seats only 129. To make matters worse, there were no flights within 2 hours of Miami for the rest of the day! So if I did not make this plane, I would have no way of making my 8:30 conference the next morning. I called Mike and told him to pray. I prayed...but this time no longer anxious. I kept thinking about the prayer Lysa had spoken on my behalf to God. Why would the Holy Spirit waste any one's prayer. Why would He send the one person I admire so much, as a speaker, to pray for me if I were not destined to be on that plane?

Y'all, I was the last person allowed on the plane. We serve a mighty God. A God who sends whoever or whatever we need at the exact time we need it. He sometimes makes us wait till the last second...but He never fails to come through.

The rest of the trip was fantastic...even when I got in a car and I had to ask the parking lot attendant to show me how to drive it...It was a hybrid...This 1999 mini-van mom was clueless. Did you know those cars don't make a sound when they start up?

God blessed the conference and His presence was felt. He spoke to all of us there.

I just love him so! As long as he is with me ...I'm ready to fly!

Pamela

Flight Or Fright

2009-03-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,

I have a prayer request: I am flying out tomorrow morning to Miami FL to do a conference on Saturday.

Here's the deal:
I do not like to fly, I have to rent a car and drive in a city that I have never been to before, and worst of all I will miss seeing Zoie preform in a talent show at her school.

Here is what God says:

Through an old friend I connected with on facebook: God did not give men airplanes for terriost and hijackers to use...He gave it so that man could do His will...which is what you are going to do.

God Himself: I will be with you...through me you can do anything I ask you to do.

Through Zoie: Dad will tape it for you...you go do what God wants you to do. Besides you've heard me sing lots of times.

After all that, you'd think I was ready to fly....not so...I still need your prayers.

I have a head full of faith but a heart full of the...I don't want to's!

Once I get on the plane tomorrow my heart will catch up to my head...but tonight I need you to pray with me that I will listen to my head and tell my heart to just chill and rest in the hand of God!

I'll let you know what happens!
Pamela

The God of Mixed Up Earrings

2009-03-10T12:44:00.001-07:00

Just how much do you believe God cares about what you think about yourself?
Ask Zoie

The other day Zoie got off the little school bus at my campus and ran straight into my arms crying. I'm not talking little tears I mean sobs...the big slobbery sobs only a broken heart can produce.

I held her tight and tried hard to understand what could have made her heart hurt so bad. After several attempts the story came out. Her teacher had read some stories that the class had written out loud. She had some spelling errors that made her story a little hard to read. Since no one knew who the authors were of each story, everything was OK. That is until one of Zoie's little friends realized it was Zoie's story and began pointing to her and laughing. It was a mean thing to do and broke Zoie's heart. She held in her tears until she saw me from the bus.

I held her and talked to her. I agreed that it was mean. I also tried to get her to see that although it felt like the end of the 4th-grade-world, it really wasn't and that tomorrow no one would even remember it. She did not believe me. That's when God stepped in...don't you just love it when He does that!

She was looking at me from the front seat of the car. Suddenly a shocked expression came over her face..."Why are you wearing two different earrings?"

"I'm not."
"Yes! Yes you Are!"
I reached up and touched both ears...sure enough two different earrings...one a blue cross...one a blue tear drop. I laughed and said "Well, How about that? I've had these on all day and no one even noticed."
"No one told you that you had on two different earrings? No one noticed?"
"Nope! And I even went to lunch with some friends...no one said a thing."

"Mom! God did that! God did that for me! He is telling me that it doesn't matter! I mean if you can go around looking dumb with two different earrings on all day and nobody cared...then no one will care about my spelling mistakes!"

Honestly, I don't know if anyone noticed my earrings or not...don't too much care really cause they were both blue. Now...two different colors...well that might cause me concern. ;)
The important thing is that God used my mixed up earrings to teach Zoie a life truth. Nothing about ourselves is as important to anybody...but ourselves and God.

Our mistakes as long as we turn to Him are no more than mixed up earrings. In fact, we are already righteous in His eyes from the moment we give Jesus our heart...we are not waiting to be saints...we are. We are ONE with Jesus...We are ONE with GOD.
Check out John 17 if you want proof.

A God who loves us that much....Like Zoie I too am in AWE!!!!!

Thank You Father God! Thank you!

Love Pamela

Alright! I'm Bent!

2009-03-06T15:35:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,
As you know 2009 has been a tough year so far. God has been so good to us even though our world has crumbled, changed and shook to the ground.

He is the God of rebuilding! But know this...at least I believe this...when God rebuilds it will never again crumble! So often, He has to break us completely down in order for our true selves He created to break forth.

God has changed both Mike and I.... and is still changing us. Mike is completing the paper work to enter the Army as an army chaplain. We are hoping he can get into the officer's/chaplain's school either in June or September. This change in our lives may be our biggest, our most challenging and most exciting move ever.

A dear friend of ours keeps reminding me that the safest place to be is right where God wants you. ,

All this change has caused us to seek healing and counseling. Through it, I have discovered a lot of wrong thinking about myself and how God sees me. What about you?

Having been born with a birth defect and other physical limitations, somewhere I have concluded that I was broken. I believe that God knit me together broken, yet on purpose. Like the blind man that the disciples asked Jesus about in John 9.

This may be true... and it may not...I am trying to re-evaluate this idea. Whatever the truth is...this truth I have recently discovered.

I'm not broken! I became whole the moment I asked Jesus to be my Savior! He has made me whole! I don't have to wait till heaven...I am whole now. While it is true that I may have to wait till heaven to receive some of the benefits of being whole...I am whole now!

Last week Mike and I were given an assignment by our counselor...We were to ask God what He thought of us personally. We were to sit for 30 minutes and listen to what God said to us.

I'd like to share what I heard. It changed my thinking, it changed my heart, and I pray it will impact you too.

Dear God,
What is your opinion of me?

You are mine!
I love you. Do you hear that bird outside? I love you more. I made you...every bit of you. There is so much you think I don't like about you...but you are wrong. These things you do are not you. No more than being a teacher is you....daughter, you are more than that...you are beautiful to Me. Your heart is so tender. That My daughter is why you get so emotional at people and for people. I made you that way!
It hurts me when you don't meet the potential I gave you...but not like you think. I do not see you as failing, wasted, or broken. My daughter you are just bent.
You bend too often to the wrong things and thoughts, instead of toward me.
I WILL NEVER MAKE ANOTHER YOU! I LOVE YOU LIKE NO OTHER.
I made you smart...now bend toward Me.
I made you kind...now bend toward Me.
I made you strong...now bend toward Me
I made you helpless..now bend toward Me
I made you funny...now bend toward Me
I made ALL OF YOU Pamela...now bend toward Me!
I love you...YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.....YOU ARE MINE!!!

I don't know if God talks to you like this...the words you hear may be more refined or grammatically correct than I have written here. But this is what I heard. It spoke to the very broken part of my heart and I heard that I am not broken!
I am bent!
I want to bend toward HIM!

What about you? What is God's opinion of you?

Mine is that....I love you.
Pamela

A White Treasure

2009-03-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,

We got snow here this week...well Sunday night and Monday...our southern sun has melted all but a few shady patches.

I love snow! Even though I once lived at a ski resort in Colorado...I still love snow! We get so little of it around here, that even a few inches calls for a happy dance of joy!

My parents live about 20 minutes from us on a privet lake....way back in the woods. It is a beautiful place! It is not where I grew up, but it has been home for about 20 years. I left my home in 1987 and a few years later my parents moved to the lake. It was left to them by family and it means the world to all of us.

In the almost 20 years they have lived there, I had never seen it covered in snow. I either lived too far away, or missed the weather window to get there in time....until this year. Sunday started out with cold rain but about 3:00 it started to sleet a little. Mike had to work that morning so after church I came home and began to pack us up. When he came home he looked at the clothes ready to go into the suitcase and asked, "Are you sending me away?" I told him about wanting to see the snow at mom's. He looked deep at me for a few seconds then said, "I really believe that I need to go to the men's meeting at church...(This...was...a...long...agonizing......... pause)...but if you will go ahead and finish packing us up we will leave as soon as it is over!" I hooped and hollered for I know a good three to four minutes! By the time he came back at 6:00, the snow was already sticking and I was a little afraid we wouldn't be able to make it there.

Now, let me stop right here to explain to all you who do not live in the south...and are used to driving in several feet of snow....we don't have the equipment here...and when it doesn't snow and stick but maybe...once every 4 years...well...how are we to learn how to drive in it?

We slowly made our way the 20 minutes without mishap, although we did see two other cars who had done a lot of sliding...one was in a ditch!

Monday morning I woke up to the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. Everything I had imagined did not do the real thing justice. I took over 50 pictures! I just couldn't stop. This was one of the best gifts God ever gave me through my parents, and a husband willing to go at a moments notice through the snow.

Here is a glimpse of what I saw:

This was right outside the window. God is so good! We wont be living this close come next winter. And just like His love and care for us, it took my breath away....because it was more than I could have expected or dreamed. My mind can not comprehend the beauty and love He has for all of us.

Whiter than snow yes Whiter than snow!

Love Pamela

Leaking The News

2009-02-23T06:03:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,

I can't tell you how much your prayers and support have been to us these last couple of months.
Here it is a few days from March, and we are still struggling in our little boat. We have confirmed that land is ahead of us, but the current, waves and wind still pound us. We are following Jesus...He is walking ahead of us...In fact, I can see Him better each day. Oh! How I want to follow Him! Even through this treacherous storm...I don't want Him out of my sight.

I believe He has given me permission to share some of the details of our storm.

On January 9th Mike was let go at Billy Graham. Since my job had been cut back to 1/5th time we knew we were in serious trouble. I know there are a lot of folks in our situation in this economy, but this also brought out some pride issues and hurt...like I've never experienced before.

Why is it that Christians can be the most cruel to other Christians?

Mike was out of work one week.....He got a job at Cracker Barrel as a server. I am so proud of him.

Our whole life has been up in the air tossed and turned by the wind and waves of this storm. Our bills, our insurance, Zoie's school....everything.

But when I say Jesus was walking ahead of us, I meant it! We have not missed one payment on anything! He has provided everything! Even counseling! Mike and I are going to a counselor because of the hurts and anger that came to the surface. It has been wonderful....hard at times ...I mean who wants to bring up their junk anyway....but...oh...so...healing.

Now for the land we see ahead.

Through God's amazing guidance and grace, Mike is filling out all the paperwork (and there is a ton) to become an Army Chaplain. He feels more called to this than anything I have ever seen him go toward! If all goes well, he will enter Army Chaplains/Officer's school in September. He will be there three months. Then we will move to where ever God directs us.

This is God Y'all! Our families and Zoie are behind this! Our church and friends have all been more than encouraging.

Mike put it this way: "I have never dreamed that there was a vocational ministry position out there, that would take every desire I have ever had in ministry and roll it into one position... until I looked at The Army Chaplaincy."

Our life is changing...in every way except one...

GOD IS WITH US AND FOR US!

Pray for us as we start this transition. We will remain in a finacial storm until September. Pray for this priss-pot as one day soon she will be in the middle of an Army base surrounded by people in fatigues carrying guns! I can't wait!

I love you guys
Pamela

A Mouse Story

2009-02-17T05:03:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,
I have been meditating on friendship and prayer this morning.

It brought to mind this story that someone had e-mailed me about 10 years ago. I had saved it to use as a children's sermon. I pulled it up and would like to share it with you.
I do not know who the author is. If you know this story and the author, please let me know so I can give credit where it is due. I hope this story impacts you the same way it did me this morning.

A Mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package. "What food might this contain?" He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it." The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house." The pig sympathized but said, "I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured that you are in my prayers." The mouse turned to the cow. She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse, I'm sorry for you. But it's no skin off my nose."
So the mouse returned to the house, head-down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.

Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well. She died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it doesn't concern you, remember that when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. In the book of Genesis, Cain said about Able his brother to our God: "Am I my brother's keeper?" We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and be willing to make that extra effort to encourage one another.

In talking about the body, Paul puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 12:26, "So if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one is honored, all the members rejoice with it."

You have prayed with me, encouraged me and rejoiced with me. I thank God for your love and friendship. Thank you for not being like the pig, the chicken or the cow!

Our storm is starting to clear...at least a little...we can see the the horizon again. We are not out of trouble. But I see Jesus walking on the water ahead of us. I, unlike Peter, am going to stay in the boat and keep my eyes on Jesus!

More later
Love Pamela

Counting Sheep

2009-02-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends!

Thanks for playing with me last week it was a great break for me, to not focus on the storms that are raging in my life right now.

We are still in the midst of them. But I do think I might be seeing a break in the clouds....or was that just more lightning?

Even though we are still being pounded by the wind and waves of this storm, we are still standing on our faith!

Like the fishermen/disciples on that stormy sea of Galilee, we do all we know how to do. All the things that have worked before. Things we have done many times and have trained others to do. We batten down our hatches with prayer, secure the sails through reading the Word, say memory verses in chants...so that our timing is in line with God's, huddle together so no one goes over board, and lower the anchor by practicing the spiritual disciplines like fasting, confessing sins, and singing songs of thanksgiving and praise. All these things are helping to keep our boat afloat. Alas maties! Even as it was with that storm on the Sea of Galilee....what happens when the storm is still too much?

Like the disciples I find myself wanting to go shake Jesus awake!

I too want to ask Him, "How can You sleep when Your child is nearly drowning? How can you not get up and do something?"

Jesus asked the disciples a question that also comes back to me:
"Where is your faith?" Luke 8:24

Did the disciples not show faith by coming to Jesus? Am I not showing my faith by doing all the spiritual things I know to do?

You know what I think? I think the answer is no!

They would have shown greater faith by going down and going to sleep with Him!

Faith is not the work of the spiritual disciplines and rituals. Faith is the resting! Resting and letting Him take care of things even if He does it in His sleep!

After doing everything we know to do...after all, I do believe God expects us to use the gifts, abilities and knowledge He gave us...we should then REST!

So for today...during this hard storm...I think I will continue to ask you to pray for us, while I go take a little nap with Jesus!

Good night!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Pamela

Mystery Solved

2009-02-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,

Are you waiting with baited breath?

The best detective and mystery solver is .....

Mivida at http://faithwithheels.blogspot.com/

She got 8 out of the 10 questions right.

Actually most of you were right.

So here is the actual answers:

1) I am 5 feet tall. Exactly 5 feet tall, so short is the right answer.

2) My hair is blond...always has been, though I do control my coming gray with highlights

3)My hair is just past my shoulders so I accepted long or shoulder length.

4) I can't believe I'm admitting this but...I am 46.

5) After carefully watching myself these last few days, I decided that I wear pink and red lipstick equally....so I counted either one.

6) I do wear glasses and I have since I was 16 years old. Sigh...

7) I fooled everyone on this one! I am a priss-pot with un-kept nails....isn't that just sad! Its a money thing for me and I don't do a good job by myself. I guess I am more stingy than prissy!

8) You know, Zoie made me go count the colors in my closet. I had one color in mind but when I actually looked through my closet I discovered that I don't need any more blue clothes!

9) I wear my hair straight...I work hard getting it straight every morning but as you will see in the pictures...It is NATURALLY curly. I did count it if you said wavy!

10) Everyone got this one! Zoie rolled her eyes when she read the question, then looked at me with a grin on her face and said DUUUUH! So smile is right. I can't help it; I come from a long line of laughers. We just find the world funny...even at sad times we find something to laugh about. Maybe we are just plain nutty!

So now I am going to try to put the pictures up here. There are two. The first is how I look everyday. Even though I am trying to lose some weight. The second is my natural curls. You guys need to feel special because usually the only people who get to see this, are those who see me...after I've got caught in a bad rainstorm!

See my nails? SAAAAAAAADDDDDD.

See all those curls...look close do you see my hot pink pump earrings?

I had so much fun doing this!

I learned somethings about myself too! Like, I seem to have a lot more blue clothes than I realized!

Thanks for playing with me!

love ya!
Pamela

Pinkshoelady Mystery

2009-02-05T09:16:00.000-08:00

Are you having fun playing my game? See post below to play.
I am!
Some of you are pretty good amateur detectives.

I love mysteries. Life is full of them but God has the most.

I believe that we will never understand all the mind and the ways of God. Two reasons mostly: if we knew the full mind of God we would then be equal to God...never going to happen, and second since I believe God has no limits there will be no limits on what I can learn about Him even in eternity.

Isn't that exciting?

It excites me!

Tomorrow you will get the results of our game. I will select the winner and post my picture.

SEE ya then!

Love ya
Pamela

Wanna' Play A Game With Me?

2009-02-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

He Y'all!

I had my procedure and I am sore, but doing well. I will know in about two weeks if it did the trick or not. It takes that long for the soreness to leave.

My family and I have been through so much lately. We are still in the midst of a physical and Spiritual storm. God is working and our faith is growing in ways I would have never dreamed.

One of the trials of life defense mechanisms, I have learned over the years is to find something to laugh about. Laughter is good medicine for both body and spirit.

That being said, I thought it was time to have some fun.

Do you wanna' play a game with me?

Here it goes:

Would you know me if I came into your church next Sunday? Would you recognize the Pinkshoelady? I have purposefully left off any pictures of me...so what do I look like?

Some of you have gotten to know the real me, not my outer shell, through my writings and our interactions...but would you recognize me in a crowd?

Here's the challenge. Answer the next few questions...making your best guesses.

The person who comes the closest to what my actual shell looks like, will win a prize!
Oh...and for the few of you who have met me and know exactly what I look like...you may play...but...sadly you do not qualify for the prize.

1) How tall am I? (Tall Short Medium)

2) What color is my hair?

3) Is my hair long or short?

4) How old am I?

5) Lipstick shade? (Pink Red Plain)

6) Glasses?

7) Are my nails kept or un-kept?

8) What color do you think I wear the most?

9) Is my hair naturally curly or straight?

10) What expression is most often on my face?

The winner will receive The beautiful book by Ruth Graham called Sitting By My Laughing Fire.

I hope you have fun. You may be surprised and some of the questions are tricky. I will pick the winner on Friday. I will also post my picture for the first time.

I am giggling as I post this and get ready for bed.
It is good for the soul.

Thank you God for good friends and laughter!

Love Pamela

Hold That Fish!

2009-01-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

Hello Sweet Friends,
I'm sorry I did not get to blog yesterday it was one of those days that filled up quicker than I thought it would.

I need to get a little bit more organized in my thinking and duties. I let my husband down yesterday too. He had asked me to take something to school with me to fax. I forgot...really forgot...didn't even think of it again until he asked me about it this morning. I hated that look of frustration and disappointment on his face.

I need to start keeping my "Said" more by doing what I "said" I was going to do.

Today, I will not blog about Peter as I "Said," because God has laid this at my feet and wants to deal with it today.

I only have a few minutes before I have to go have my nerves deadened again in my back. This will put me out for the rest of the day and part of tomorrow. Please pray it works.

So often we casually or hafe-heartily say we will do something and then never follow through. Was I listening intently yesterday when Mike asked me to fax this stuff or did I give him what I call, a "Momma uh-huh." That uh-huh we give our kids when we are not really listening.

Mike and I have been through so much lately that there is just no excuse for my not listening. I need to be listening to him. He is hurting...we are hurting together.
He already has more of the burden to carry than I do. But truth is...I'm still thinking of myself. Pray that I will think of him too. Wallowing in self-pity is a poor excuse for any uncaring act.

I'm not a pig

I'm a Princess

A princess must take care of her duties, must care more for those she serves than for herself.

I love my prince.

I love my King more.

So, I ask for your prayers and your forgiveness for not keeping my "Saids" with you too.

I love you
Pamela

The Parable of the Lost Love

2009-01-28T10:01:00.000-08:00

Hi Dear Freinds,
Your prayers and encouragement continue to help us through this time of change and uncertainty.

I hope I can soon explain. But alas, there are issues that involve other people, people I would not want to see hurt. So until God gets through with this clean-up, I have to ask you to keep praying.

I do have an amazing story to tell you. Even when our world has been shaken to the core, God can show up in the most astounding ways.

Yesterday as I lunched at home, I noticed that one of the small side diamonds from my wedding ring was missing. I immediately dropped to the floor and started searching. Finding this small diamond became the most important thing in my day. I went over every inch of our carpet on my hands and knees. I shined a flashlight and slowly rubbed my hand across every fiber of that carpet. Mind you, I did not know where or exactly when I had lost the diamond. I was a woman obsessed.

With all we have been through lately, it seems the only earthly thing stable and secure was my marriage. Crazy as it seems this missing diamond represented an attack on that security. I prayed, I searched the carpet twice....this was not good for my back condition, but as it was, nothing else mattered. I kept imagining the woman in the parable of the lost coin and I emphasized with her plight in a whole new way.

Not only could we not afford to replace this small diamond but, nothing could replace what it represents. Finally I had to stop and go back to school. On the way I called my mom. She is a super prayer warrior. She prayed with me. She cried with me. She understood. I completed my duties and Zoie and I went home. She too got down on her knees and we again searched the carpet inch by inch. When Mike came home, he helped us search. Still no diamond.

I go to a Bible study on Tuesday nights and I did not want to go. I wanted to search more. Mike encouraged me to go and I reluctantly went. I am so glad I did! God spoke to my heart in a remarkable way through the story of Peter and the boatload of fish. To save time I will report on that tomorrow.

After the bible study I called home, hoping Mike had found the diamond. No luck, in fact he hadn't even looked! Hearing the disappointment in my voice, he did tell me that Zoie had decided to fast and pray through supper for God to return my diamond. This sweet gesture touched my heart so much. I knew I needed to stop worrying. So I asked God to show me the diamond if He wanted me to find it, but if not then give me the peace to accept my ring without it. I told her she could eat a late supper with me when I got home. She and I shared a small meal and then began to get ready for bed. As I walked into the living room from Zoie's bedroom, Mike turned to look at me. His eyes were on the floor and he stopped and shouted, "There it is! I don't believe it!" Scooping up in his hand the small diamond from off the carpet we had so diligently searched for, 4 times before! He said it had glittered at him just as his head turned. I grabbed the diamond tight between my fingers and jumped up and down, shouting praises and thank yous to God!

Y'all we had church!

God is so good! I still don't know where I originally lost the diamond. I know it was not laying anywhere on top of the carpet. The reflection of light Mike saw, could not have been from the light in the living room. It is one of my only complaints about our living room...not enough light! God just gave it back. It, along with the ring are now at the jeweler's to be repaired.

Such hope has come out of this. If God can put a small diamond where it wasn't before and shine it without the use of light as we know it, all for me and my family...ladies He can surely fix our situation...no matter the outcome...I now choose to believe...He already has!!!!!!

So like the lady with the found coin...I am shouting and praising and asking you to join me in celebrating. What was once lost has now been found! Question is am I talking about the diamond or my own faith?

Love you
Pamela

Head Full Of Questions And A Heart Full Of Praise!

2009-01-22T07:01:00.000-08:00

Hey Ladies,
We are still struggling through our mire, but not fighting it as hard....we seem to be getting a little free.

Zoie is all better! She's been released by the doctors and seems to be back to her normal self! Thank You Jesus!

I had my first set of nerves deadened and will have the other side done next Friday. Unfortunately because of the recovery time, it may be February before I know if this will work or not.

My friend Bonnie has been approved for the Harvard study for his cancer. He has started the treatment and will be monitored closely. We are praying for dramatic and complete results....the kind only God can do!

As for our other trials, please keep praying. Things are so uncertain. I see God working...I feel His presence...I hear His words of encouragement. Then I ask for more faith.

God Answers:

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palm of my hands; your walls are continually before Me."
Isaiah 49:15,16

I have seen God as parent more through this trial than any other time in my life. I still have questions....He has chose not to answer now. But He keeps loving me, holding me, and I know my name is carved in His hand...right along with the nail scars that He endured for me!

So my questions will keep coming, but I am learning to wait and trust even though they are not answered before my sight.

Thanks for praying! Thanks for loving!

More later
Pamela

Today, It's His Neck

2009-01-15T19:47:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your prayers.
We still need them.

Today, I am not asking, "Why?" or pounding my fist against my Holy Father's chest. Today, I am hiding my face in His neck. It is warm against my tear stained and tired eyes. Here I am safe. The only way not to focus on my circumstances is to hide my face in His neck. Secure in His arms. These circumstances are so out of my control anyway. So I bury my face in my Father's neck until the storm has passed.

He said today, "It isn't over until I (Jesus) say it's over!" I heard that while walking through my den this morning. A pastor on the radio said it as I stepped into the room. I felt as if God called my name and told me to listen. The pastor's message was on the death of Lazarus. He talked about Mary and Martha. Both felt hopeless...after all Lazarus had been dead for four days! But with Jesus...It's not over until He says its over! In my hopelessness I latched onto this.

Unlike Mary and Martha we are not facing the death of a loved one. Zoie is so much better. Mike is always healthy and apart from my back, so am I.

But...I am grieving hard for the death of lost dreams and expectations. My pride is also dying along with these dreams. Right now I don't know if they are truly dead or just waiting like Lazarus for resurrection. All I do know is that I must hold tighter to Jesus. Trusting Him to provide either peace in the departure or joy in the resurrection.

Thank you for your prayers, your love! I feel drained and empty. I need to feel the love you are sending. It helps me hold on.

I pray that God will allow me to share all of this soon. Two reasons: Selfishly because when i share it it will be over and the outcome complete...no matter which way is chosen. The other reason is so that by sharing, someone else could be encouraged.

The death of dreams are as painful as the death of a family member. I know God must feel my tears running down His neck. His robe must be soaked. I also know that as a parent, He doesn't mind one bit. He just holds me a little tighter.

Love Pamela

Singing His Praises and Pounding His Chest.

2009-01-14T12:40:00.000-08:00

Hi Y'all

Zoie is so much better! She hasn't had a rash in 4 days and has not hurt for 2!

Today, as I walked past the gym I saw her playing Dodge Ball. I almost jumped up and down seeing her run and play! I bet God feels that way about us when we have been down and out for a while. It must bring a big smile to His face when we get back into the game and live life abundantly.

I am having the nerves in my back deadened...they will do one side this Friday and the other side two weeks later. Please pray this works.

Our lives are changing...too much to discuss now but we need your prayers. That is why I have been off line the last few weeks.

I need you. I need your love. I need your encouragement. My family needs your prayers. I need this outlet and communication. So you will see more of me if I get my desire.

2009 has had a difficult start for us...but God is good.

His presence is strong!
His strength is sure!
His Love undeniable!
His hand encompasses me!
I am His!
Our hearts are right now beating as one,
as I cry, seek, pound on His chest and search His face.
He knows and holds me a little tighter
I feel His heartbeat as I rest in His hand.
My heartbeat and breathing start keeping His pace
as I start trusting and quit trying to understand.
All that matters now is that I am His
Tomorrow I may start pounding all over again
but today I can trust. Today I will stand.

I love you Lord!
May You get Glory out of my pain and may it show Your grace ,strength and love for Your children.

Thanks for listening
Pamela

An Itchy Answer To Prayer!

2009-01-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,
Zoie is finally starting to get better!
We went to see a dermatologist in Charlotte, NC yesterday.
He put her on a different antihistamine for the hives and a different steroid.

God even showed up! Here's how!

These hives come and go. When I picked her up from school she was not itching and did not have any breakouts. She had two spells earlier in the day, but not one spot as we get in the car.

I knew that the Dr. would need to see them and it would be a wasted visit if they was nothing there.

So...I told Zoie that I was going to pray what might seem like a mean prayer.
I prayed that God would allow her to break out bad, right before we got there! I asked God to let the doctor see these hives at it's worse form, so that he would know without any doubt, just what we had been dealing with for over 10 straight days.
Zoie echoed the prayer, because she too wanted the Dr. to see it.
All the way there I would ask, "Are you itching yet?" "No, Mommoum."
Again, I silently asked God to allow her to itch so the DR. could see.
2 blocks before the Dr.'s office she started itching. By the time the Dr. saw her her whole torso was covered in these big angry hives.
When we lifted her shirt for him to look at her back, (which was itching the most) he knew exactly what type of hives they were and what to do to fix them.
Before he examined her, Zoie was wiggling and scratching and trying anything to relieve the itch. I finally suggested she sit on her hands to keep from clawing herself. After he looked at her and began telling us what we needed to do, she suddenly looked at me and grinned really big...like she had a secret.

As soon as we got into the elevator to go back to the car, she busted out, "Mom! God unanswered your prayer as soon as he (The Dr.) looked at them! Wasn't that cool mom? God answered...then unanswered your prayer! I'm not itching!"

We do serve a way cool God that allows the DR. to see what needs to be done then removes the problem for relief.

This has lifted her spirits so much!

She still has pleurisy and her pain scale is high at night and if she over-does it during the day. She will just lay on you and cry because each breath is painful. This will just take time to heal. We can deal with it better now that we are getting the hives under control.

So keep praying for her and us.

There is more with my back I will share tomorrow or sometime this weekend. I am hoping that by Monday I can be back to blogging and visiting you all again.

Thank You Thank you Thank you! For all your prayers and encouragement.
God has taught me a lot about caring for a sick child when the illness is not terminal, but long. I will share some of this with you next week.

We serve a great God! I love Him so!!!!!
Love you too!
Pamela

Please Pray for Zoie!!!!

2009-01-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

Please send your prayers up for Zoie!
She has been sick on and off since Thanksgiving. She was even sick Christmas day.
Last night we had to rush her to Levine Children's hospital in Charlotte NC. She was having chest pains when she breathed. She also has a bad rash and a raised White blood count. They sent us home after some test and we saw her pediatrician this morning. He thinks the chest pains is caused by pleurisey. The rash we still are not sure it could be a virus or an allergic reation. They are both to be treated the same. Take Benedryl and wait it out.
We are all tired and our spirits are low.
We need your prayers, encouragement and love!
Thanks for being the kind of friends that I can come to you for all these things.
We love you
Pamela

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T10:58:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas in different languages!

French - Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!

Han - Drin tsul zhit sho ahlay & Drin Cho zhit sho ahlay

Spanish - Feliz Navidad y Próspero Año Nuevo

Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Giang Sinh - Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Malayan - Selamat Hari Natal
Aramaic - Edo bri'cho o rish d'shato brich'to!
Bulu - Duma e bo'o
Greek - Kala Christougenna Ki'eftihismenos O Kenourios Chronos
Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah

Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto

Korean Sung Tan Chuk Ha

Latin - Pax hominibus bonae voluntatis
Norweigan/Nynorsk - Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og Godt Nyttår

A Father's Plumb Christmas Story

2008-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

This Plumb Christmas story also comes from the "Beyond The Manger" by Don Johnson.
I hope you enjoy it.

The Father's Will
A widower and his son both had a taste for fine art. In fact they spent a good portion of their lives together traveling the world and collect master pieces. Their collection was said to be the envy of the world.
As time would have it war broke out and the old man's son was sent to fight for his country. The old man missed his son but was proud of the honors he received in battle. His son was as valiant a warrior as he had been an art collector.
One day the news came that his son while saving some men had lost his own life in battle. The old man was devastated. He was now truly alone. He soon lost interest in everything including the priceless works of art that adorned his household. No one could reach him. He sat heartbroken everyday mourning His son.
It was Christmas day and the old man sat where he always sat starring at the fireplace missing his son and giving up on life. A knock came at the door and the old man rose slowly and made his way to the door. There stood a young man with a package in his hand.

"Sir, I know you don't know me but I knew your son. In fact Sir, I am one of the men who owe him their lives. He saved mine sir the day he lost his."

The old man invited the young man in and together they shared a few memories about the man's son.

"Sir, your son and I would sit for hours talking about art. He told us about the great collection you have and about each adventure you went on to collect them. Sir, I am an art lover also and I painted you this portrait of your son." He held out the package.

Trembling the old man tore open the paper. The artwork was crude by the old man's standard but there in the portrait he did indeed see the face and character of his beloved son.

With tears falling down his face the old man pushed aside the great masterpiece that hung over the mantle and placed there the picture of his son. He thanked the young man and told him he would treasure it always.

Many years passed and the old man grew sick and died. Having no surviving family the art world was overjoyed. They knew that the old man's collection would have to be auctioned off.
According to the old man's will the auction would take place on Christmas day. The day he was given his greatest gift the picture of his son.

The auction house was packed. As the auctioneer got up to start the auction, he held up first the portrait of the old man's son. There was grumbling and no one offered a bid. No one wanted the picture of the old man's son! They wanted the master pieces!

The auctioneer finally explained that it was in the will that this piece be the first piece sold. Still no takers, in fact more complaints arose from the crowd. Hesitantly, a gentleman who was a neighbor of the old man offered all he had for it.....$10.

"Going once!"

"Going Twice!"

"Sold!"

The auctioneer then announced that the auction was now over!

"What!"
"There are millions of dollars worth of painting there!"
"How can it be over?"

"It states in the Father's will.....Whoever takes the son will get it all!"

Take Jesus this Christmas because just like this old man.....whoever takes the SON WILL ONE DAY GET IT ALL!

Merry Christmas!

Pamela

Plumb Christmas Stories Episode #3

2008-12-22T10:22:00.000-08:00

Hi Y'all!

Today's Plumb Christmas stories (Yes, there is more than one) are about Christmas through the eyes of Children and gifts from the heart.

The Golden Gift
One night as a spry little girl was busy trying to wrap a present, her dad came upon her and watched for a few minutes. He watched as she pulled out a little too much gold shiny paper and clumsily wrapped this box. Then to his surprise she actually pulled out more paper to cover this box. A little frustrated at the waste of paper he scolded her about the sloppy wrapping and wasted paper. Her lip quivered as she looked up at him and said, "But Daddy, this is your present and I wanted it to be beautiful." The Daddy now, a little heartbroken kissed her and sent her off to bed.
The next morning was Christmas and everyone was excited about opening their gifts. The little girl grabbed the golden present, wanting her dad to open it first. Her dad unwrapped the box and carefully opened the lid. His anticipation quickly turned to anger however, as he discovered that the box was empty. "Don't you know enough to put a present in a box! You don't give people empty boxes as a gift!" He yelled. The little girl cried. "But Daddy there is something in the box I blew kisses into the box until I thought it was filled! Are my kisses not a good present daddy?" The father's heart this time was not just broken, but then mended by the love of his little daughter. He put the box beside his bed and every time he thought of the little girl, he would reach in to pull out the greatest gift he had ever been given...a kiss of unconditional love.

It is not the gift, it is the love that is treasured at Christmas. God could care less if we give Him an empty box. In fact, I actually think He would prefer our empty hearts, so He could fill them with unconditional kisses of His grace and love!

10 days ago Zoie sang for the Billy Graham Library as a caroler along the outdoor carriage rides. She would start singing every time a carriage started down the drive in front of her station. Sometimes, the carriages would stop for a few seconds to hear her songs; while other times they would only wave and drive on. As one carriage stopped, a lady clapped and shouted a lot of encouragement. When the carriage started to pull away she reached into her pocket and threw something on the ground in front of Zoie. It was a dollar! We could not believe it!
Zoie sang for about another hour before we packed up to leave. We were headed to get something to eat, when Zoie from the back called for her dad's attention.
"Dad?"
"Yes, Baby what is it?"
"Dad if I were to be honest...I need to tell you something. If I were to be honest...after that lady threw me the dollar, I sang more because I wanted more people to give me money than I did for God. That was wrong and I'm sorry."

We sat stunned. One, because what nine year old would even realize that singing more for the money would be wrong. Two, that That it bothered her enough to confess it.
Ladies if I were honest...I can't say that I would have realized it or confessed it!

Celebrating the joy of the season. Celebrating Jesus' birth should be about Jesus!
Not the gifts or parties or songs or entertainment. Those things are tools we use to celebrate! Oh how often do they become the end instead of the means to the end, which is praising and celebrating our Lord.

Please pray for Zoie today because she is on her way to the doctor for the second time in 4 days with an ear infection that doesn't seem to want to clear up.

We love you.
Only two more Plumb Christmas stories to go!

Pamela

Plumb Christmas Stories #2

2008-12-20T09:50:00.000-08:00

Hey Ladies,
Here is another Plumb Christmas Story. If you did not read my previous post please drop below and read it to understand why these Christmas stories are Plumb.

The Stupid Gift
Several years ago a Youth Minister's wife was struggling with the ministry her husband had chosen. The truth was she did not really like being around youth. It wasn't that she hated them...more like she just didn't get them. They were so self-centered, whinny, and could at times be very mean. Her frustration at this population would, on occasion, trickle over to being frustrated at her husband, whom she most of the time adored.
It was that way one Christmas. The youth were a little more challenging and seemed to be all about themselves even more than usual. The woman's husband had a plan, but as he shared it with his wife, she became critical and unenthusiastic. In fact, if she were to be honest she thought the whole idea was stupid.
The plan was to have the youth give a party for some kids who were needy, instead of having a party with gifts for each other. Sure enough, the plan was met with little to no enthusiasm by the youth; although the adult leaders (except for his wife) loved the idea. It was set.
After contacting a service ministry that helped the homeless and down and out, it was decided that everyone would draw the name of a child and buy them a pair of shoes.
"Shoes!" The youth minister's wife shouted. "What child at Christmas is going to want a pair of shoes? Why not toys or even a coat? Shoes? I don't get it! This party will probably bomb right in your face." Yes, She was a very supportive wife at that time....NOT!

The night of the party the church bus was packed with youth, adults, food and wrapped up packages of shoes. The children came into the shelter room and pounced on the food. "At least we did this right." Thought the youth minister's wife, still in a frustrated huff. Games were then played and carols sung. Everyone enjoyed the games and carols. "At least they had a good time." Thought the youth minister's wife feeling sad more than mad now. Her hard heart had begun to melt for these children and for the youth who were giving so generously from their hearts. She had never seen them so loving and eager to serve.
But now was the time to pass out the gifts. Oh how these children were going to be so disappointed. "SHOES! Only Shoes"
Each child's name was called and presents were tore into. With each opened package, came a strange sound. The youth minister's wife sat astonished and mystified. Each child screamed with delight at the shoes. Shouting, "My own Shoes!" "New Shoes and they are brand new!" "Wow! look ma! Shoes! Reeboks!"
The children were not disappointed the gifts were not toys! In fact, they were screaming with delight at the shoes! One little girl walked over to the youth minister's wife to show her her new shoes. " I'm going to sleep in these tonight! Are they really mine?" A youth boy had been standing beside the now broken wife. He picked up the little girl and said, "They are yours to keep. Jesus loves you and wanted us to get you new shoes." Tears fell down the youth minister wife's face and washed away the frustrations and prejudices she had against, not these homeless children, but the youth in her own church.

Many years have passed but I will never forget that night and how it broke my angry heart. There is not a Christmas that goes by where I don't think about those children, a gift of shoes, and self-centered me watching selfless youth give their all.

Merry Christmas!
Pamela

Plumb Christmas Stories

2008-12-18T07:31:00.000-08:00

Hey Ladies,
Thanks so much for praying for my friend Bonnie. The type of cancer he has does not respond to chemo or radiation. Surgery is not an option at this time either. However, there is an experimental study going on at Harvard on a different drug. This drug has been successful with his type of melanoma. He will be doing some test to see if he qualifies for the study the first week in January. Please! Please! Please pray that he qualifies and that this treatment will be successful.

Every year, I make God a Christmas prayer list (not wish list) of things I would like to see happen during the next year. It is a simple list of only one or two things. When I was single, it was to meet the man God had for me. One thing that is always on the list is that this would be the year Jesus would come back. This year there are three things on my list.

Jesus may this be the year you return. I want to see your face and sit at your feet.

May our family follow You to the ministry positions You are preparing for us, without hesitation and with a full servant's heart passion.

May you heal Bonnie of this cancer and show our world that You are still the great physician.

Now, onto the Plumb Christmas Stories

From now until Christmas, I am hoping to post some of my favorite Plumb Christmas stories. I call them Plumb Christmas stories because they are straight, true and wholly. Which is part of Webster's definition of the word "plumb."

The first is called "The Christmas Gift" and is told on a CD called "Beyond The Manger" by Don Johnson the host of AfterGlow. The story is paraphrased by me for both time and space constraints.

The story teller recalls a Christmas as a young man, when his family was struggling financially along with the rest of the world. His mother had been struggling with her health and even standing was a chore not easily accomplished. His father's Christmas gift to her was a dishwasher. How could he afford such an expensive gift, at a time like that? He wrote a note and made a vow to wash the dishes...every one for one year. This was when real men didn't do housework. Yet, he loved his wife so much that this sacrifice of washing the dishes was the greatest and most loving gift he could give.

It made me think about the gifts I have given my husband over the years. I think I will write down a servant-vow-gift for him this year,and place it along with the others under our tree.

What servant-vow-gift could someone use from you this year?

God gave us His son! Not only for our salvation, but also for us to have abundant life here and for eternity.

Thank you Father Jehovah!

Love to you all.
Look for more Christmas Plumb Stories.

Pamela

One Of My Favorite People

2008-12-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

Hi Ladies,
Today I would like to honor one of my favorite people here on earth.
His name is Bonnie Watts. He has been my dad's best friend for over 40 years. Bonnie has also been like a dad to me.
He is a true man of God who loves His Lord Jesus dearly. It oozes out of him. You can not be near him long before you know where he stands and to who his devotion belongs.
He is one of the old breed of men. The kind that heroes are designed after. He is the kind of man, like my own dad, that as soon as they walk into a chaotic situation, people calm down. Not because of their physical strength, even though they are physically stronger than men half their age. It is because they have a commanding presence of peace and strength.
Bonnie is one of those men that whatever he decides to do he does right. God has blessed him in both business and friendships.
He never compromises his integrity or his faith values. I remember a time when he was offered a huge contract to be exclusive provider for a major business. It would be worth millions. The only problem was that Bonnie knew that if he took the deal it would close down one of his smaller competitors. He refused the deal. God smiled.
When I lived in Kentucky and would travel back home for a visit. I would often find gifts hidden in my car.

There was one time when I had to have some work done by a franchise car shop because, a part they had replaced in Kentucky was defective. Before I could leave town, I was instructed to drive to Bonnie's work place. He checked the work to make sure it was done right this time. He looked after me the same way he did his own daughter.

One Christmas, I was about a week out before coming home for Christmas. I got a call one morning that my dad was being rushed to Charlotte with heart issues. I was needed home immediately. As I made arrangements to come home, it dawned on me that I had no Christmas presents for anyone. Being single and in Seminary there was not a lot of extra money, so I made crafts for my family. I had the materials but no time to make them. In light of maybe losing my daddy, I pushed the thoughts of presents right out of my head. About that time, the doorbell rang. It was our mail carrier. She had a package for my roommate that would not fit into the box, so she brought our mail to the door. I absentmindedly thanked her and closed the door. As I was setting down the mail, I noticed one with my name on it. It was from my home church so I opened it. Out fell a check...a large check. It would not only cover my unexpected trip home but be enough to buy any gifts I would need. It was from Bonnie. God had him send money before any of us knew just how bad it was needed. God also sent that package for my roommate. If the mail had not been brought to our door, I would have missed it all together.

I am telling you about Bonnie because he needs your prayers. He has been diagnosed with a rare form of aggressive cancer. Please pray for him and his family. I can't believe that God is done with using him here on earth. I will pray for healing until the spirit directs otherwise. Please join me. He is my friend and I love him dearly.

Thank you for allowing me to share memories and joining me in this prayer battle for Bonnie's health.

Love Pamela

Christmas Ogres

2008-12-11T02:37:00.000-08:00

Did you know there is a Christmas Ogre?
No, I'm not talking about Shrek. Though he is sorta cute and has seemed to have made his way into the Christmas holiday traditions as much as the Grinch and Rudolph.

No, this ogre is mean and horrible. Worse than the Grinch. Worse than Scrooge. Bigger than Rudolph's abominable Snowman. Worse than the nuts out there trying to put up signs to quiet us Christians about Christmas!

This ogre is real. He tries to eat up and devour my joy. He is sneaky...I don't know he is there until it is too late. He may one day sneak up on me at the Christmas treat table...where he helps me eat too much of those goodies. The next day he is lurking about at the store, where I loose control and want to buy too much! Where is Dave Ramsey when you need him? That big ugly sneak (The ogre not Dave Ramsey) will even sneak up and steal my time with my family and friends. He steals it, by convincing me that it is my right for something. My right to be on time. My right to have nothing but joy at Christmas! (Where is that in the Christmas Bill Of Rights?)

The truth is this is sometimes a hard part of the year. For some, we will miss those not with us this year. For some we will not be able to provide the gifts we could last year. For some, it is a reminder of a toxic past. The song "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day" is ringing as true this year as it did when it was written during the Civil War.

That old ogre loves to trick us into riding the "Bi-polar Express." Up the high hills of joy only to avalanche down into a hole of sadness the next minute.

However, I have found a way to slay this ogre. Yes, it helps to think of the true meaning of Christmas. But I found in my life, that although that wounds him deeply it doesn't slay him. He will come back. This year, I am going to focus not on the manger as much as I am the cross. Not the stable but the Savior.

God dwells in the praise of His people! So I will level off this Bi-polar Express by praising Jesus not the season.

This time of year we will all be let down by either family, friends or just plain ole disappointment.

The ogre can only exist when I focus on myself. He is slain every time I focus on Christ.

It's not about Christmas! It is about Jesus!

Think of Him and slay you a ogre!

I believe in Santa's Cause.

2008-12-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

I believe in Santa's Cause.
Did ya get that? Read it again.
I believe in Santa's C-A-U-S-E CAUSE. I do not now nor have I ever believed in the fat, little, red-coated man with a beard and reindeer.

I do believe in Santa.

My belief in the true Santa started as a young child. My mom told us that the store "Santa" wasn't real. In fact she told us that the whole reindeer, North Pole story was just that...a fun story, to give a face to what we could not see. A fun story you could participate in at Christmas time. We would set cookies out and sure enough there were gifts left for us at the fireplace on Christmas morning. But we never said, "Thank You Santa." We said, "Thank You Jesus! Happy Birthday!"

The real Santa was much more special than a fun made-up story. We knew, the real Santa was not a man: more of an idea or CAUSE rather than Clause. The real Santa could only celebrate the true meaning of Christmas...JESUS. Since it was Jesus birthday and you couldn't actually hand him a present. Santa's CAUSE was to give Jesus a present. Jesus' present was to watch all His children open their presents on Christmas morning. Somehow, no matter how financially dismal things were for us at times, Santa's Cause made that happen. It might be that "impossible to find toy" that my sister or I just had to have, that mom and dad found at the last minute. It might be that the budgeted money went just a little further than common sense one year. It might be that the thing I wished for, but didn't dare ask for, that was my surprise that Christmas morn.
Sometimes it was as simple as my favorite candy hidden in the tip of the toe of my stocking. For me, one thing I looked forward to was getting my tangerines. I was deathly allergic to oranges, so I got tangerines.

What I remember most about Santa, and still know today, is that for our family...Santa only points to Christ!

As I got older and realized that my parents were Santa's arms and legs, I was not disappointed! In fact, I came to a greater knowledge of Christ. Are we not His arms and legs? I'm not saying Santa is Christ, but I do get the analogy very well. I too began experiencing being Santa's Cause to my parents. It was fun finding that special present, rather than just a brush for mom and a tie for dad. Giving gifts took on a whole new meaning at Christmas. These were not just gifts I had to give my family at Christmas; they were birthday presents from Jesus! I pray hard about each present and ask God to help me choose wisely and with Santa's Cause in mind.

For me, I still believe. And if I could whisper this little secret to you....

Shhh...I believe with all my heart that one day, in Heaven, as I'm being introduced to everyone in my hot pink pumps...I'll meet and shake the hand of a being named Santa!

What about you? I know many would not agree with me and that is OK. This post is not meant to start an argument on the right or wrong of Santa. It is meant to tell you what my family believes most of all. Christmas is about Christ!

But my last word is..... that is SANTA'S CAUSE!