Friday, May 29, 2009


I hate them!
Don't you?

This post comes out of the urge to ask for your prayers on several things for us right now. Things that involve limitations.

First is my mom. She had surgery Wednesday on her neck to help her vertebrae not press her spinal cord. The condition was putting limitations on her arms and legs. Pray for her as she recovers and gains back mobility this limitation caused. Another temporary limitation has been placed on her during her recovery time, that needs a prayer word from you. She can't drive for 5-7 days. She is an active person and this is not going to be easy on her at all. It also brings me to the next prayer request.

Mike and I are gong this coming Monday -Wednesday to interview with our denomination concerning him becoming an Army chaplain. Zoie still has school and will be staying with my parents. My dad will take her to school every morning and my mom will pick her up. It will barely be 5 days but she got permission to drive only to the school and back. But please still pray. Pray that Zoie will be a help during this time they have togethern and not add to or become frustrated by mom's limitations.

Lastly, pray for the limitations that Mike and I have discovered are on us both because of unforgiveness that resides in our hearts. We are going through God's training and redirecting right now in our thoughts and heart beliefs. It is painful but good. I can't wait until I am on the other side and can share with you completely. For now pray with us!

Thank you
We love you all!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Canceling The Payback

Hey Y'all!

It has been an interesting week. You know if somebody decided to secretly film my life and put it on TV as a reality show, no one would believe it wasn't a soap opera!

OK, so maybe it isn't that bad, but I would love having one week of carefree time...I'd settle for one day!

I'm not going to bother you with details, just pray...everything is minor but piled up!

Onto my thoughts about payback.

God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness lately. He has shown me that although I follow the steps of forgiving someone and even say I forgive them. Although I ask God to forgive them and even try and reconcile when it is appropriate to do so, I have found that I have still not forgiven. I could not understand this. I have prayed for years asking God to help me forgive. I finally came to the wrong conclusion that forgiveness must be something you keep having to do until one day it just sticks. Like memorizing math facts. But then, something new would pop up and wham-o! I would realize anew the unforgiveness that was in my heart. I knew that something was missing! There was something I wasn't doing or needed to do to make forgiveness complete.

I'm so excited....God revealed it!

So...most of you may know this but I promise I did not!

True forgiveness means there is no need for payback! In fact true forgiveness means I ask God to wipe away the entire account....just like He did for me!

I finally got it! The account is wiped clean! I would say that I forgave that person but still expect some consequences or payback. I wanted either an apology (And lets be honest do we really get all those we deserve...or even give them?) or I wanted the person to get punished. But that isn't how God did my sins! He wiped the account clean. There isn't a ledger of past sins that are just marked forgiven...with God there is no ledger at all! Everyday starts a new account! Now....I am NOT GOD! But I can ask that He wipe the ledger clean for the ones who owe me. That is forgiveness!

Check out the parable in Matthew 18: 21-35. This is the story of the debtors. Read it with this in you know the king is God. You and I (Believers) are the 1st debtor. I heard recently that this man's debt was so big that it would have taken over 200,000 years to have payed it back. The truth was that just like you and me this man could not payback what he owed. We can't payback God with enough sacrifices to settle our sin accounts either. When the King had compassion he wiped the debt clean. (I had somehow thought that he allowed the man to begin paying it back) But it states clearly the debt was forgiven. Then the debtor left the Kings presence and demanded payment from a man who owed him much less. He punished this man both physically and punitively by putting him in prison. That too is me. I want punishment/justice from those who truthfully owe me far less than I have ever owed God.

So I have started going through my list of unforgiven people and been canceling their debt. Leaving the account to God not me.

This does not mean that I now run into the person's arms or place myself in harms way. It does mean that I am now free and they do not owe me anything!

I'll write more on this later I'm sure...this thinking is new to I know more insight is sure to come.

What do you think? Am I the only one who has struggled with this?
Let's talk!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

An Invitation

Hey Y'all!

Do you like getting invitations? I do. We recently got a wedding invitation from a friend and it was beautiful. Crisp black and white with black ribbon and lettering. The elegant and joyful look of it makes me want to go to the wedding. Even though I do not know the couple well, I want to attend the festivities because of the invitation.

I like party invitations too. Hmmmm, if I'm really honest I just like being invited.

When I was in Seminary, I had a friend who would often call me at 2:00 in the morning to go get coffee and a hot doughnut at Krispy Kreme. (At that time I could do that and not worry about it. Now, just a lick would add 8 inches to my hips.) As soon as the phone would ring I'd jump out of bed and say, "I'll meet you downstairs." I never turned that invitation down. Not because I was a big doughnut fan, but because I was asked, included and loved my friend's company.

I have rarely turned down invitations. I have had to as an adult with responsibilities, but it is still always hard. I like pleasing people. I like feeling wanted and needed.

But there is a line.

I can remember one invitation that I turned down that cost me my best friend at the time. I was in high school. My friend K and I were inseparable. She lived in my neighborhood and if we were awake we were together. Now, we did have other friends and did things with other people on occasion.
K said she was going to throw a party at her house. I was one of the first people she invited, and I was excited about the party. Then she invited some kids that were into drugs and drinking. She said that her mom was cool with them drinking there, as long as it was at her house and no one would drink and drive. This bothered me or rather, tormented me! I didn't drink or even want to try it. My over-active good-girl-gland was waging a war with my wanting to be included and attend this party. It was illegal for kids our age to drink. I had seen my older cousins in drunken states and it had been disgusting. I did not know what to do. So at first I lied...made up an excuse not to go. Unfortunately, I wasn't very good at lying and K soon found out. I had to tell her about my reservations for not wanting to come and take part. She begged...we wont ask you to drink....but I couldn't do it. I couldn't go or even be at her house when I felt what they were doing was wrong. Our friendship ended that day.

I can't say I handled it right. I believe my convictions were right but as a insecure teen, I don't think the way I presented my case was right. K felt judged. I felt left out and alone. I have learned a lot since then, about how to say no to an invitation without the other person feeling judged.

Mike and I received an invitation this week that we can not say no to. It is an invitation to come and spend three days with our denomination's endorsement board for Army chaplaincy. We are excited because this is one of the most important steps in our pursuit of becoming an Army Chaplain family. The big interview! It will be June 1-3 so we are asking for your prayers. We have already accepted the invitation and plans are now settled. Pray though that our words will be filled with wisdom, grace and passion. Pray that God's plan for our lives will be revealed not only to us, but also to the one's who's endorsement we are seeking. This invitation will change our lives no matter which way it turns out.

There is another life changing invitation that is put to everyone. It is the invitation of Jesus Christ. Have you gotten that invitation yet? Have you received His love-gifts of salvation and eternal life with Him? You can....consider yourself now invited!

Love you!

Monday, May 11, 2009

I'm A Mom!

I'm a Mom

I'm a mom because I have birthed a child...a beautiful little girl...10 years ago tomorrow!
Happy Birthday my dear Zoie.
I know I'm a mom because my heart aches for her hurts, in a way it has never ached for my own.
I know I'm a mom because there is nothing I love more than sneaking into her bedroom at 4:45 each morning and waking her to ask her if she wants to come to my bed and snuggle with me for another hour.
I know I'm a mom because my prayer knees are getting much more calloused from all the times I've spent praying even over lost toys, or friends who have said mean things.
I'm a mom because I believe it is much more important to raise a child who loves and fears God in the Biblical way, than to be her best friend and give her everything she wants.
I'm a mom because I have cried after having to follow through with a punishment even when I knew it was for her best.
I'm a mom because I find myself stronger, taller, and meaner when it comes to taking care of hurt knees, feelings, and big mean Wully-boogers!
I'm a mom because there is nothing too big to either let go of or fight for her good.
I'm a mom because I don't even mind the yucky things like snotty noses and throw-up when my daughter is sick. And that's saying a lot for this priss-pot.
I'm a mom who loves to play dress-up but won't let her 10 year old wear real make-up...yes, Zoie... you only have two more years!
I'm a mom who loves my child's father and if put in a situation by said daughter on choosing sides between the two of them...she already knows, Dad wins... and in the long run she does too.
I have not been blessed with a quiver full of children like I always wanted.
I could only have one...technically by earthly standards she wasn't supposed to be conceived..HA! Praise God, we have a mighty Creator who deemed me a mom no matter what science says!
I'm a mom! I'm proud of it! I love it! There are days when it wrenches my heart out! There are days when my patience is tried and my frustrations are high! But more over there are days when the joy, laughter, hugs and kisses are blessings that bring me straight to the throne of God and there, I shout with all praise...
I'm a MOM!

No better way to celebrate a birthday, and my 100th post!
Love Pamela